Still on your path

Lots of the photos I have these days are of paths. I love them. They're taken by people who were there, about to walk that very path, seeing things to the sides, hearing birds, or the wind, or other people. But we only see one view of one path.

The symbolism and the idea of a person being on his own path can be confusing and restricting, if others are trying to manage who walks where, and how. Path, trail, course, curriculum—they all can be about a pre-determined, inflexible way to go.

We only see our own paths by looking backwards. Find joy, today, in options and twisty turns. You're still on your path.

Hard paths and soft ones
photo by Amy Milstein

Paths and bridges

I like traditional construction, I like stiles over fences or walls, and I like paths. This one is in Montana, and has a bridge over a ditch, to get to a stile over the fence.

There are paths we can explore, and some we can't. There are metaphorical paths, philosophical paths, spiritual paths, and real-earth paths. There are paths in video-games, stories, books, and films. We can only follow a few, but it's fun to look around at others, too, to remember they're there.

Other path posts (images of paths), and some with the term "paths." Have a nice stroll.
photo by Kelly Lovejoy
__

Paths and choices

"Your role isn't to set up a path for them to follow but to set up the environment for them to explore."

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Sandra Dodd

The open flow of real-world sharing

from 2004, Sandra Dodd:

The best thing unschoolers can do is to unschool well. The best thing those who are interested in helping others come along the same path can do is explain what helped it work well.

Reading other families' personal stories, hearing about paths that didn't work well and others that did is what helped me when I was new to this, and that's what I've been involved in helping happen ever since—real unschoolers sharing their real experiences.

Some people don't want to share in public and that's fine. Some people share things in public that turn out not to be true, and that's not cool. But over the years, many hundreds of unschoolers who first found one another through AOL's message boards, or at conferences, or through e-mail correspondence have met other unschoolers in person, and each person must ultimately gauge for herself who to emulate or trust or to go to for inspiration or whatever. There is no central board certifying unschoolers or conference organizers or listowners. It's the open flow of real-world sharing.

In 2024 I'm still offering a hand.
SandraDodd.com/help
photo by Linda Wyatt

Paths made of life

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

Looking back, we can often see the path pretty clearly. But we can't look ahead and know what the path is going to be.

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/flitting
photo by a realtor, on an unschooler's property

The obstacle isn't the path

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

One thing that keeps me responding after all these years is because I understand. To me it makes perfect sense *why* parents get stuck on certain thought pathways. I understand why they can't see the view the child sees, why school colors their vision, why fear colors their vision. I enjoy helping them see the walls they thought trapped them are just obstacles. I enjoy helping them find a path around the obstacles.

But it can't work unless people see the obstacles aren't part of who they are, unless they can step back to observe the obstacles objectively so that they can let go and move around them.

—Joyce Fetteroll

"It's not Personal"

Possible obstacles to Unschooling
photo by Cátia Maciel

Careful steps

Plans and hopes are wispy.

On the part of the path you can see, take a careful step when you're ready.

Running won't help. Be there, be aware, relax and appreciate what you see, and smell, and hear. Your family shouldn't rush into the unknown, but step together into the next moment.

SandraDodd.com/moment
photo by Gail Higgins

Stunning desire to learn

"A lovely 'extra' has been realising that academics absolutely come naturally, in different ways for different kids. It's really stunned me, how much they *want* to learn. And it's something I wouldn't have believed without walking the unschooling path."

—Hannah Megan Canavan

more here SandraDodd.com/surprise (and sweet)
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Climbing mountains and baking pies

In response to someone saying her child would rather take the easy route than try something tough, Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

It's human nature to avoid what we feel is a waste of time, energy and resources.
It's also human nature to pour energy into what we find fascinating.

If someone is made to climb a mountain, they'll find the easiest path, and perhaps even cheat.

If someone desires to climb a mountain, they may even make it more difficult—challenging—for themselves if the route doesn't light their fire.

If it were human nature to go the easy route, I wouldn't be sitting here writing out a response! No one would write a novel. No one would climb Mt. Everest. No one would bake a cherry pie from scratch. No one would have kids.

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/joyce/pressure
Photo by Sandra Dodd, of Holly Dodd riding a steam train restored and largely operated by volunteers. The easy route would have been for them to stay home and read books and watch movies about trains.

Peace and comfort

The imagery and analogy of "path" and "bridge" are helpful, in looking at parenting, and at the way time passes as life continues. We are "on a journey" with our children, even if we're staying in the same house, in the same town.

Deciding which way to go, which path to take, is a good way to look at the many little choices parents make all the time, about how to respond, what tone to use, remembering to have a soft face and a smile, so the child can be calm and feel loved.

Sometimes a path might seem scary, but if you're there with your child, you can provide peace and comfort.


SandraDodd.com/peace
photo by Jihong Tang

Following happily

There's great peace and beauty in a child who is happy to follow a parent, wherever the path is leading.

Human development and reality tend toward that period of life coming to an end, someday, so appreciate it when it's happening, and be understanding when paths diverge.

SandraDodd.com/being
photo by Cátia Maciel

Variable speed

Sometimes it's good to rush along a trail. Other days, even a slow stroll might be too much.

It's okay not to follow every trail you see, and it's fine to look at a photo of a path and use your imagination, without going anywhere.

There will be paths, options, and surprise destinations all along the way.

SandraDodd.com/choices
photo by Ester Siroky

Detours and side trips

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

Unschooling is sort of "messy" in that there isn't a "plan" and kids can often go in one direction for a while and then seem to come to a dead end and turn around and go off in another direction. It isn't like a kid who studies certain high school subjects—a couple of years of science, four years of English, a year of American History, and so on—and then goes on to sort of do that same thing in college—follow a predetermined path. Unschooled kids often "meander" in their lives. They proceed in fits and starts. They detour. But those side trips can turn into their main life's journey when you least expect it. 🙂 And they all add up to make the child into the person they are becoming.

—Pam Sorooshian

Games...Rich Life
photo by Sarah S.

Some things you can't see

"Looking back, we can often see the path pretty clearly. But we can't look ahead and know what the path is going to be."

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/flitting
photo by Nisa Deeves

Is this obvious?

I like the words "obvious" and "oblivious." They're not really related, but they seem and sound similar, which can be fun and funny.

To some people the presence of a lizard would be obvious. They would see it, right in their path.

I am often oblivious to lizards. I don't remember that they exist, if one hasn't just run up the wall.

Are we obvious to lizards? If one runs, he probably saw me moving toward him. They come to our compost bin to eat bugs. I bring new scraps from the kitchen. Out in my yard, sometimes lizards can seem to be oblivious to people, or to cats, or to roadrunners.

As the parenting of children goes, it is good to lean toward what is obvious, and to avoid being oblivious.

SandraDodd.com/words
photo by Karen James

Choosing paths

Jen, who took this beautiful photo of outdoor steps, sent a note with the image:

"Thanks so much for all you’ve done to show us a different path to choose. ❤️"

I like that phrasing, and I appreciated the message. I've thought about it for a couple of days. Unschooling is a different path, for sure. Being present and as patient and as peaceful with children as one can manage to be is a path to choose, too. Neither of those is one path to a shared destination, though. None of us can even see what's at the top of that hill.

Making choices as we go, we can opt out of attractive stairs, or we can come back to them later. Let your path meander. The way is clearer behind than in front, because every day we make many choices.

The trail starts to open up
photo by Jen Fletcher

Excitement, peace and humor

It's possible for a childless person or couple to live a long life without ever thinking about values. It's possible to go along with the crowd and get a nice place to live and a car and watch TV every night and pay the bills and not think about what might have been better or different.
        . . . .

What if a family wants to step off the path and look around on their own? What if a family wants to take a different path to the future that's quicker, or more dangerous, or more leisurely, or funnier? Will their values then involve excitement or peace or humor?

the quote is from a page called "Values" in The Big Book of Unschooling,
but it is linked to SandraDodd.com/priorities
photo by Elise Lauterbach
__

The easy way?

Q: Is unschooling the path of least resistance?

A: It depends what you're trying to resist.

Deschooling for Parents
photo by Sandra Dodd

Clear and easy

When the path is clear and easy, relax and enjoy the peace.

When you come to obstacles or there's more than one path, you'll be rested and prepared to choose based on what you know and what seems to lead you nearer to safety and growth.

SandraDodd.com/principles
photo by Jihong Tang
__

A solitary tree

The words and photo below are by Karen James. I would not have been able to find or write anything better to go with this beautiful photo than Karen's description of it on September 16.

The air was clear today, so the three of us went for a walk at one of our favourite spots. The guys walked ahead, while I meandered behind, finding things to photograph.

Whenever we walk at this particular place, I always look for this tree. It's alone at the top of a cliff, at the curve of the path that winds us eventually back to where we started.

I love its solitary presence.

I love its asymmetry, shaped, in part, by the strong winds coming off the ocean.

I love that it stands at a fork, with one path bending softly toward a return, and one leading to the edge of the cliff.

I love that I can see Ethan climbing and resting in it in my memory.

Today, I loved its hard shadows and blue backdrop because that meant the smoke had parted, at least for now. It looks beautiful in the mist too. It's a beautiful tree.

More by Karen James (photo, words, or both)
photo by Karen James