Finding contentment

When a mom is stressed and can't find the equilibrium to start in a calm place with her kids, I suggest that she not watch the local news. Breathe. Find positive things to see, listen to, think about. No one can do that and still post fright and doom. Nor even keep reading fright and doom.

It takes the mom's head and heart to dark places. It stirs the mom's emotions and can bring adrenaline in people thousands of miles from the problem. Adrenaline junkies can always find another problem to keep them on the edge, but their milk doesn't taste as good as a mom who is calm and thinking peaceful thoughts. They will use up their excitement on distant things instead of finding their child's discoveries the best thing of the day.
. . . .

The damage done by negativity is a knowable thing. If the mother can't find contentment, she has none to share with her children.

Slightly edited from SandraDodd.com/sharingnegativity
photo by Tara Joe Farrell

Joy helps learning

Joy helps learning.
Negativity poisons joy.
Pessimism and cynicism can prevent unschooling.

SandraDodd.com/failure
photo by Sandra Dodd
_Level Up_

This planet

"Unschooling requires you to take joy in life. It requires you to appreciate the wonders of the world."

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/negativity
photo by Becky Sekeres
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Sorting, sort of

Things will get better as you weed out negativity and focus on what’s good and positive.


The quote is from a private e-mail. This page is a match:
SandraDodd.com/deschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd, of a card from the singing game "Encore"

Towards positivity everywhere

Janine wrote:

It's exhilarating to me, the transformative power of unschooling. It is the thing that has finally drained negativity out of my life and pushed me daily further and further away from it, and further and further towards positivity in every area of my life. When it does sneak in again it is more obvious and ugly and I see it for the poison it is. It was ever present through my childhood, my youth, relationships and early parenting.

—Janine Davies

SandraDodd.com/positivity
photo by Tara Joe Farrell

Piece of cake

In April 2011, Schuyler wrote this, about a mom feeling underappreciated in her marriage:

What makes you feel good? I like a root beer float and a chip butty when I'm feeling particularly low. It doesn't make anything external better, but it does help a lot with my internals. Stock your cupboards with things that bring you pleasure, fix meals that make you happy, play games that you enjoy. Smile, laugh, swing, skip, dance, listen to music and play. Sometimes it may feel contrived, but try not to dwell on that, try and move it forward to not being contrived, like laugh therapy.

When your husband feels bad, bring him something nice, a piece of cake, a hug, a gentle touch, a thank you for something. Don't see his low point as something that you have to compete with for attention. And don't see it as a personal attack. Just see it as an unhappy moment, a point of stress, a need to express something to a safe ear.

It isn't self-sacrifice to work for your team. It's teamwork.

—Schuyler Waynforth

SandraDodd.com/negativity
More by Schuyler Waynforth
photo by Holly Dodd

Support and accept

Jenny Cyphers wrote:

I really can't imagine villifying anything in their lives that they might find very exciting. Well, I can imagine it, so I guess that's why I don't do it.

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/negativity
photo by Susanna Waters
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Morals and optimism

I live without religion, but not without morals. I know that being good is better than "being bad" (harmful, thoughtless, irresponsible), and I know that optimism is better than negativity. That doesn't mean I think there is magic at work in the fact that stepping out into the day joyfully will make the day better. People don't need to have a construct of "manifestations" or wishes or visualizations to make good better than bad. It just is, in ways linguistic and logical and biochemical.

photo by Tessa Onderwater

The quote is from The Big Book of Unschooling, page 199 or 231.
Best match on my site is SandraDodd.com/mindfulness.
A deeper match is from a discussion in 2001, on Always Learning, with Pam Sorooshian, Joyce Fetteroll, Deb Lewis, and others, on what some homeschoolers claimed about religion and morality.
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Happy heroes

Online real-life safety

Deborah Cunefare wrote:

My kids know that if they meet someone online and decide they'd like to get together in real life, I'll do my very best to help make it happen. We've driven across states to meet up with families in their homes who we only know from online until we get there.

A predator would have a really really REALLY hard time getting my kid into a situation they could be taken advantage of. A kid who isn't supposed to talk to anyone they don't know has much incentive to agree to sneak out to meet that person - the parent isn't going to agree because the kid was breaking the rules. They're easy prey. My kids, on the other hand, know that they can ask and I'll drive them to a safe meeting. If the "friend" said "Oh no, don't tell your mom" that's a huge red flag for them.

—Deborah Cunefare

SandraDodd.com/onlinesafety
photo by Julie Daniel

Coda: I thought the photo was mine, at first, because I was there. Someone from England drove me and Joyce Fetteroll (who are ordinarily in New Mexico and Massachusetts, respectively) to visit a family in Scotland. Without online discussions using real names, we would not have known one another, and I would not have seen that wonderful old wall, patched more than once over a couple or three centuries, and that shelf, and...

We KNOW fear and negativity to be dangers. We know joy and newness can add to peace and learning.

Better biochemicals

Once I jokingly complained that a package of citric acid was marked "chemical free." Several people joked entertainingly, but a couple were humorless and critical.

I noted:
Citric acid IS a chemical. Looking for harm is, in itself, harmful. Fear and negativity stir up chemicals your own body makes, that aren't good for you. Induce the better biochemicals by being sweet, hopeful and calm.

Irrational fear of chemicals:
SandraDodd.com/chemicals
photo of a navel orange slice hanging by thread, by Sandra Dodd
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Finding joy

"Looking for joy doesn't mean living in la-la land. Quite the opposite. For me, it means being grounded in reality instead of fear, and connected rather than living parallel lives with my family members."

—Jen Keefe

SandraDodd.com/negativity
photo by Antje Bebbington
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More positive

In a world of choices, every choice that moves one toward positivity (hope, optimism, joy, sweetness, peace) and away from negativity (cynicism, anger, disdain, dismay, pessimism) is a solid step toward "better" (IF the person wants to be more positive).

In a world of partnership, when one partner is more positive, the partnership is more positive.

In a home with a mother, when the mother is more positive, the family's life is more positive.

SandraDodd.com/choices
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Peace and love and health

Things get done, and there's no benefit to stressing out. If dinner's going to be late, a late dinner after some calm sweet mom-time is going to taste WAY, way better than a late dinner after an hour of mom-screech and accusations and whining and crying (regardless of who's making the noise). Be as sweet and as peaceful as you can be. It will make a difference to you and to the kids and your husband and your dog (rat, cat, horse, neighbors).

Whatever negativity is put into the house affects everyone.
Whatever peace and smiles are put into the house affect people too.

So you can take an hour to make dinner, and that hour might not start until 7:00, or you can take two or three crazy hours to make dinner, and the dinner won't be any better.

Ramen in a happy environment is better than four dishes and a dessert in anger and sorrow.

original; Sandra Dodd, 2006

Advantages of Eating in Peace
SandraDodd.com/eating/peace
photo by Sandra Dodd

Up and above

Negativity will weigh you down and make life heavy.

Hope and optimism will help you float up and above.



SandraDodd.com/abundance
photo by Abby Davis

Up and above

Negativity will weigh you down and make life heavy. Hope and optimism will help you float up and above.

SandraDodd.com/abundance
photo by Abby Davis
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Nothing you "have to" hate

Try not to hate anything more than you "have to," and once you get to thinking more positively, you might find there's is nothing you have to hate.

SandraDodd.com/negativity
SandraDodd.com/haveto
photo by Lydia Koltai

Joy is better

Happiness helps learning. Biochemically, joy is better than dismay. Optimism is better than negativity.

SandraDodd.com/connections
photo by Chrissy Florence

Be abundantly supportive.

It is possible for someone to see through a lens of negativity. Pessimism and cynicism can do irreversible damage to relationships, so dismantle those if you're living with them in you. In your choice making, in your moments, choose to see the good side of each coin. Decide to see what you have, with eyes of gratitude. See the abundance around you. Be abundantly supportive. Be someone another will be grateful for.

SandraDodd.com/betterpartner
photo by Janine (it's a link)
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Better biochemicals

Once I jokingly complained that a package of citric acid was marked "chemical free." Several people joked entertainingly, but a couple were humorless and critical.

I noted:
Citric acid IS a chemical. Looking for harm is, in itself, harmful. Fear and negativity stir up chemicals your own body makes, that aren't good for you. Induce the better biochemicals by being sweet, hopeful and calm.

original discussion, on facebook

or a page on the irrational fear of chemicals: SandraDodd.com/chemicals
photo of a navel orange slice hanging by thread, by Sandra Dodd
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