Quiet trust

"Learning flows when needs are met, connections are strong, and kids can absolutely trust their parents, and know their parents are there for them."

—Caren Knox

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Cátia Maciel

Smile and create peace

I know that I can change the whole mood in my household simply by smiling and "be"ing happy. It creates a happy energy that infects others around me. I remember when both my girls were babies, I would cradle them in my arms and consciously smile and create peace in my heart while I was holding them. Sometimes, I was tired or anxious for them to fall asleep and it would make me feel less happy about that moment, so to shift it was a positive thing to do. I have happy memories of rocking my babies, while they seem to have a happy peace about them, and I think that is why my mood shifts will change theirs, even still now that one is 14 and one is 6.

—Jenny Cyphers
(whose girls are grown now)

original
photo by Cátia Maciel

Go with funny

Given a choice between something funny and something somber, go with funny if your goal is peace and learning. Very few things need to be still and serious.

The Big Book of Unschooling, page 128 (or 140)
photo by Cátia Maciel

Make Choices

People have thoughts and reactions every half a second. Question them all. Witness and consider them all. Make choices. Make choices that move you toward being more at peace with your child.

SandraDodd.com/choice       SandraDodd.com/ifonly

SandraDodd.com/mindfulness       Quote's source, on Always Learning

photo by Cátia Maciel

Wonderful warm feelings

Brie Jontry wrote:

When we stretch beyond seeing more than only one or two possibilities, our children's worlds become exponentially larger, with more potential for laughter and learning and wonderful warm feelings of connection.

—Brie Jontry

SandraDodd.com/screentime.html
photo by Cátia Maciel

Freedom and approval

When we're tempted to say "no," and we have that little internal conversation about "Why not?" that can be healing. When I'm there, I think of my mom saying no, and then I picture her having been open enough to say yes more, and I picture my childhood self having a thrill of freedom and approval. There was some freedom, and some approval, but I can imagine up a lot more of it, and shower it on my children.

SandraDodd.com/rentalk
photo by Cátia Maciel

Physical interactions

I'm not "a hugger." I avoid hugs, because they're not usually comfortable for me. I don't like massages. I'm not the only person who is that way.

I have a granddaughter who doesn't love "touchy" stuff. Luckily for her, I totally understand it.

Some people don't get enough friendly touch in their lives, and what might look aggressive to one person might be fun to another—arm-punching, back-slapping, hand-holding, pushing back and forth while walking, arm-in-arm walking, playing slap games or thumb wrestling—those are all touching, and life can be warmer and better WITH those things than without.

It's good for parents (and grandparents, and friends) to be aware that different people are different ways.


The third paragraph is from SandraDodd.com/social
photo by Cátia Maciel

The memories parents have

Deschooling is not just the child recovering from school damage. It's also the parents exploring their own school and childhood damage and proactively changing their thinking until the paradigm shift happens.

—Robyn Coburn

Robyn Coburn on Unschooling
photo by Cátia Maciel

Unschooling style

In response to a question about "learning styles":

People learn different ways, but it's rare (and unnatural) for a person to only learn one way. So the thing to do is to present material and experiences that cover all the ways to learn. Some will do a child more good than others. One child might learn one thing very visually, and another thing tactilely. So instead of wasting ANY time trying to find out how they learn, spend good time learning (yourself) how children learn naturally with all their senses, with all their ways of thinking, or with their own best favorites from moment to moment.

Follow-up from a conference (Minnesota / mha )
photo by Cátia Maciel

Quiet trust

"Learning flows when needs are met, connections are strong, and kids can absolutely trust their parents, and know their parents are there for them."

—Caren Knox

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Cátia Maciel

Learning so many things

When unschooling is equated with alternative school, it can blind people to the possibilities of full-on radical unschooling. No matter how extremely great or different a school is from a traditional school, or the default standard, it is still a school.

Parents who are unschooling as a whole way of life, can discover what no school can find, and the core aspect of it is the family as a base for learning—for learning about family, for learning about relationships, and resources, money, food and sleep, and learning about laughter.

SandraDodd.com/familybonding
photo by Cátia Maciel

Unexpected results

You might think you know what water is going to do, but it can surprise you. We can picture how our unschooling will go, but it will probably be bigger and better.

SandraDodd.com/unexpectedarticle
photo by Cátia Maciel

Social obligations

Probably in every culture there are ceremonial and social meals. There are times when eating food with other people creates or strengthens bonds, or when sharing bread or a drink has spiritual significance. One taste of a wedding cake is better than turning down wedding cake altogether, because it's the ceremonial blessing of a marriage. If people are toasting with alcohol and you don't or can't drink alcohol (ever, or at that time), at least join the toast with water. To refrain from joining a toast is worse than an insult; it's like a public curse. One who pointedly fails to toast is standing up against the crowd and saying "I hope your project fails horribly" (or whatever it might be). So let your children know those things.

In the absence of a social obligation to eat at least a token amount, let your children choose not to eat if they don't want to. If the purpose of food is the sustenance of the body and the mind, then let that principle override schedules and expectations and traditions, most of the time. Your children will be more willing to eat to be polite if you only press it on rare occasions.


From "Social Obligations and Oddities," page 168 (or 190)
of The Big Book of Unschooling
which recommends SandraDodd.com/eating/humor
photo by Cátia Maciel

Tender protection

Unschooling isn't anarchy. Being kind to a baby isn't anarchy; it's tender protection of one's young. Being sweet with a toddler isn't anarchy; it's opening up the world to a human being seeing it with new eyes.

SandraDodd.com/anarchy
photo by Cátia Maciel

Following happily

There's great peace and beauty in a child who is happy to follow a parent, wherever the path is leading.

Human development and reality tend toward that period of life coming to an end, someday, so appreciate it when it's happening, and be understanding when paths diverge.

SandraDodd.com/being
photo by Cátia Maciel

Conscious and continuous

Have a conscious, continuous and mindful partnership with your child.


Partnerships and Teams in the Family
photo by Cátia Maciel
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Sugar is sweet

Sugar is sweet, and so are you.

If you're not, consider how much sweeter your child's life would be if you were as sweet as sugar.

"The brain LIVES on glucose. It can’t live without it. And little kids' brains need more glucose than adults'."

—Brie Jontry

SandraDodd.com/sugar
photo by Cátia Maciel

Helping as a good partner

Joanna Murphy wrote:

Think of yourself as creating a partnership with your son. See your son as whole and healthy and desirous of being in a state of rest and vibrancy but maybe just not knowing at this moment how to get there on his own.

If he's not able to make certain decisions for himself yet (like reading his tired signals), then you can be the part of the team that can make that decision and explain it to the other half—it's not him or you—it's both of you working together to make a healthy and happy child.

This is the moment when his bed is made, the lights are low, the music is on (or whatever he has identified as aids to his sleep). Your certainty about what he's needing at that moment (sleep), combined with the quality of the connection and trust you have with him will determine what will happen next.


Original on Always Learning
(I added some paragraph breaks for today.)
photo by Cátia Maciel

Portable, cheap, long-lasting

The really good thing about happiness is that it’s portable. It’s cheap. It doesn’t need a safety deposit box or an inheritance. You can give the same amount to all your kids, and they don’t have to wait until they’re 18 to claim and use it! Think about that. They can have it right now, and start using it, without taking yours away from you.

Do kids need to have their own room to store their happiness in? No. Do kids need to wait nine weeks to get a report card that says they’re doing well in happiness? No. Will working really hard now store up happiness they can use later? That’s the going theory, the one we were raised on, but I no longer believe it.

The quote is from SandraDodd.com/president

More on happiness: SandraDodd.com/happy

photo by Cátia Maciel

With patience and with gratitude

We can't change what happens to people, life is unsure, and we're all getting older. Please continue to help encourage others to use unschooling's peaceful principles to make life sweet and good while we have it. We can't live as we are forever, but we can try to live with fewer regrets, and with patience, and with gratitude.

Be as good as you can be as often as you can be.

Like real life
photo by Cátia Maciel