Joyful and secure

"Learning about and applying unschooling principles has created joyful, secure relationships with my kids that I had never imagined. I feel SO lucky."

—Jill Parmer

SandraDodd.com/milestones/jill
photo of Addi, by Jill Parmer (her mom)

Who they are

Jill Parmer wrote:

"A huge shift for my deschooling was that I wanted my kids to be like certain kids I was reading about on the message boards. And when I had that thought, it shocked me. I realized I was not seeing my kids as who they were, that I was still wanting them to be....something else. That shock was enough to make me banish that thought and look directly at my kids and play with them and have fun with them."

—Jill Parmer

Deschooling chat transcript
photo by Alicia Gonzalez-Lopez
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Good and sweet

Look at what looks good and sweet, and seek out more of that.

—Jill Parmer

SandraDodd.com/positivity

Jill quote from the bottom of a chat on "Schooling"
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp

Improve, understand, learn

"I think it behooves us to be better people, to improve, breathe, understand, make the best choice, and keep learning."

—Jill Parmer

Jill wrote that in a chat in 2011, but it isn't available now to link.
Home might be a good match, or Alive and breathing
photo by Janine

Being better people

"I think it behooves us to be better people, to improve, breathe, understand, make the best choice, and keep learning."

—Jill Parmer

Thoughts about doing better (SandraDodd.com/better)
photo by Lydia Koltai

Optimistic and involved

Deb Lewis:

There were times when things were really tight for us. I mean no gas money and beans and rice for dinner every night.

If I had it to do it again I would use the credit card more. Not go crazy but if twenty or thirty dollars made a big difference in the life of my kid then I’d do that. If you’re justifying coffee and makeup or other adult things that aren’t strictly necessary, then make that same effort to justify some things your kids might like, too. Don’t always sacrifice kid things because they seem less important or urgent.

But don’t underestimate how wonderful your happy presence can be for your kids. Be sweet and playful and optimistic and involved. Give them lots of your time.

—Deb Lewis

Quote edited slightly to make it more past tense
Original here: Suggestions for creating abundance when funds are low
photo by Jill Parmer
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Slow down

"The biggest thing that helped me with young kids was just to slow down."

—Jill Parmer

SandraDodd.com/youngchildren
photo by Sandra Dodd

word art love

words patterns balance art light shadow peaceful heart

orange peel message by Addi Davidson
photo by Jill Parmer, her mom
used by permission of both

Easy cure

When a mom expressed that she felt guilty that she might not be doing enough, I wrote:

"If you don't feel like you're doing enough, do more. Easy cure. 🙂"

Jill Parmer quoted me, and added:

"As I paid closer attention to my kids, and less about what I should put into them, I found it easier to find ways to do more. Like lingering longer at an ethnic grocery so they could look around, and finding things that would relate to their favorite games, or their interests."

More, about 1/5 of the way down
Experiences / Building an Unschooling Nest (chat transcript)
photo by Sarah S
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Seven Years of Adding Light

Just Add Light and Stir was started in 2010 as a daily inspiration. Somehow it didn't occur to me that it might last seven years. So here begins Year #8.

I hope some of the posts have helped you be patient, and to smile.

Thanks for reading!

Last request for donations until 2020: SandraDodd.com/2017
beautiful stripey photo by Jill Parmer

Sorry I missed posting yesterday; I was up late
playing Chronology at the Free to Be Unschooling conference.

Seeing it and being it

"Seeing wonderfulness in our kids is part of how we get wonderfulness in our kids."

—Betsy / ecsamhill
(fifth comment down)

"Give them power and respect, and they become respected and powerful."

—Sandra Dodd
(more of that)

"I've helped my kids by going toward what they wanted, and been generous, and they've been the same toward me. Sweet."

—Jill Parmer
Generosity begets generosity.

SandraDodd.com/being
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Boredom as an emotion

Another homeschooling mom once wrote, "It's a valuable lesson to learn to deal with boredom, just like all other emotions."

Until I read that, I hadn’t ever thought of boredom as an emotion. I liked the idea. When a child comes to me seeking advice on how to deal with any emotional state, I'm flattered and glad for the opportunity.


Sometimes the real message behind "I'm bored" is "I'm little and feeling agitated and vaguely unhappy and I don't know what I can do to get over this uncomfortable feeling. What would you do if you were my age, in this house, on a day like this?"

---

The words above are straight from
"Bored No More", an article I wrote in 1998.
I just left out all the boring parts!

the photo is by Holly Dodd, of Jill Parmer

How you see them

"Unschooling is all about how parents are seeing their kids."

—Jill Parmer

SandraDodd.com/attitude
photo by Brie Jontry
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Help with decisions

"I've helped my kids by going toward what they wanted, and been generous, and they've been the same toward me. Sweet. I like it when I'm trying to make a decision on something, and they asked the same things I've asked of them."

—Jill Parmer

SandraDodd.com/generosity
photo by Jihong Tang

Choose to choose.

Once someone complained making choices was too hard. I wrote:

Making a choice is a matter of choice and just doing it.I don't think it requires willpower to realize that a person can make a choice.

Think of two choices. Choose the best one.

Next time think of two choices (maybe the choice from the time before and a better one). Choose the best one.

If you do that several times a day, soon you'll be doing it countless times a day.

---

Make choices. Make choices that move you toward being more at peace with your child.

"Getting irritated," Always Learning, 2007
photo by Jill Parmer
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Work hard and happily

When I was a child and was assigned chores, I learned to do the job in a rudimentary fashion as quickly as possible. My kids never learned any such thing, and when they work at jobs, they work hard and happily.

SandraDodd.com/teenager
photo by Jill Parmer
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It's not magic.

Joyce Fetteroll wrote, on quora.com:

So much stress could be avoided if parents had realistic expectations of their child's development. If a child's actions say, "I'm not ready yet," they aren't ready.. . . .
It’s important to note that you aren’t seeing a random sample of children at restaurants. The wise parents of kids who aren’t yet ready to handle a restaurant meal don’t bring them to restaurants. It’s not magic. It’s wisdom.

—Joyce Fetteroll

(Question about children in a restaurant)
photo by Jill Parmer
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Announcement and request

The last time I had a "time out" blog I wrote "This is post 250 or so, and I was surprised the blog had lived that long. Nearly three seasons—almost a year."

That post is here: https://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com/

This will be post 583, I think. And I'm writing for a similar reason. I'm gearing up to leave home for a long time. My speaking schedule will be linked below, but I'm going to be gone for two weeks, to Massachusetts and then Oregon, speaking; I'll be home just a couple of days and then go to Europe; I'll come home and be here long enough to do laundry, sleep, and re-pack, and then go to Sacramento. That's daunting.

The likelihood that I will come up with 90+ original and clever blog posts in that time is small and I want to avoid the stress, so I think some of the summer's posts might be "greatest hits." Maybe you could think of it as an oldies station, with stuff you can sing along to! I hope you will forgive re-runs, if you see any.

There are new readers, though. There are 989 Feedburner subscribers (receiving the posts directly by e-mail) and others subscribing by other sorts of blog feeds and notices, so I can confidently say "over a thousand readers." Thank you! For the new readers, it will be all new.

ANOTHER THING: If you see an older post with a missing photo, please e-mail me a link to it so I can repair it. I moved some things and if some of the photos hadn't been properly labelled as having been used, they might be in a new folder and the link will be broken. I can repair them easily, if I know about it. Thanks for helping me clean up errors you might find! For instance, yesterday's post lead to a page with something by Alex I had marked as 2011; that was a typo for 2012. A reader let me know. Thanks, Dina!

The photo is Kirby, Jill Parmer and me, last month in Albuquerque. I hate to send something without a photo. :-)

photo by Addi Davidson, with my camera