Healing children from the past

"By being kind to them I've healed a lot of hurt from my childhood. I don't know how it works, but it does."

—Betsy S.

the kindness, the respect, the sparkle
photo by Nina Haley

Beautiful, spectacular, happy world

end of a beautiful, anonymous account of gratitude and of change:

I know I have changed the world by starting with myself and my own family. That’s awesome.

Know what I love more, though? This gorgeous, beautiful, spectacular, happy world I live in.

I didn’t have it when I was a kid—though I always wanted it with my whole self—but I have it now. Even better, my kids have it now. There’s nothing in this world I’d ever want more.

"When you can see all directions, for a moment"
SandraDodd.com/peace/healing
photo by Sarah S.

Calmer and better

Very often, becoming a calmer and better parent can help a person be a calmer, better person. Unschooling itself can be extremely healing and therapeutic at times.

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Calm

Thoughts about doing better
photo by Amy Milstein

They learned and learned

Caren Knox wrote:

I undertook learning how to be a good unschooling mom, and in that learning, experienced some of the most powerful personal growth and healing I’d ever seen in myself. I learned how to be vulnerable with and genuinely present for my guys.

They learned — and learned and learned, without having to be subject to someone else’s imposed timeline of when to learn what, without being limited to staying in a building 6-7 hours a day, five days a week, without having to pretend to learn something to pass a test, without having their grades determine their path. They freely explored their interests, utilized their own strengths and perspectives, and learned, and, as adults, continue to learn.

—Caren Knox

Original, on facebook
photo by Ester Siroky

Giving

"Just as giving a gift can be as enjoyable as receiving one, giving unconditional love has been as beautiful as receiving it and it has alleviated many longstanding pains that I once thought would be permanent."

—Jessica Hughes

Healing
photo by Roya Dedeaux
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Finding yourself with your children

Being where you are, in a mindful way, with the potential and the tools to be still and know it, is the portal to a better life. Call it what you want to, finding yourself with your children will put you in a good place.



Finding
yourself
with
✵

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SandraDodd.com/being/healing
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Wrapped in comfort

"Being the parent to my kids that I needed when I was younger has wrapped my own self in a comfort I never got to have before."

—Jen Keefe (here)

SandraDodd.com/healing
photo by Kinsey Norris
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Choices and thought processes

"I think to do unschooling well, it is a fundamental element to have an examined life. To be mindful of our choices and understand our thought processes."

—Rippy Dusseldorp

SandraDodd.com/being/healing
photo by Sarah Scullin

Little adjustments

Solve problems before they become problems. (Part of being present!) Notice the direction things are heading and change things. Don't let them get hungry, tired, testy to the point where they're hitting or destroying things. Food. Naps. Go home. Put on a video. Draw one away to do something totally different.

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/being/healing
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Attentive and sweet

Be attentive and sweet to your children. That might be one of your best healing tools.


SandraDodd.com/issues
photo by Janine Davies

More freedom, more approval

When we're tempted to say "no," and we have that little internal conversation about "Why not?" that can be healing. When I'm there, I think of my mom saying no, and then I picture her having been open enough to say yes more, and I picture my childhood self having a thrill of freedom and approval. There was some freedom, and some approval, but I can imagine up a lot more of it, and shower it on my children.

SandraDodd.com/rentalk
photo by Julie D
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Whole life and whole person

"I’m so incredibly grateful my kids *live* in the world where *everything* is connected. It’s wildly and joyfully healing, and more importantly, it’s raising thoughtful, compassionate, and, really smart kids—not book smart. Whole life and whole person smart."

—Jen Keefe

SandraDodd.com/connections/
photo by Cátia Maciel

Attentive and sweet

Be attentive and sweet to your children. That might be one of your best healing tools.


SandraDodd.com/issues
photo by Janine Davies

Sweetness

If you're going to unschool, it needs to be better than school. If that involves getting mental, emotional or physical therapy for the parents, then do it! The house doesn't work if the roof is leaking and there's no heat. Parents don't work if they're in an emotional fog and can't pay sweet attention to their kids.


Healing Presence
photo by Sandra Dodd, of some ice cream in Leiden

Finding yourself with your children

Being where you are, in a mindful way, with the potential and the tools to be still and know it, is the portal to a better life. Call it what you want to, finding yourself with your children will put you in a good place.



Finding
yourself
with
✵

---

SandraDodd.com/being/healing
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Consider your legacy

How one decides to act toward, be with, think about and respond to children happens inside a person with a history, a person who had a childhood. Will childhood hurt be passed on to new children? Sad childhood memories can be seen as the things not to do, and healing can flow, but that can't be forced by anyone else. If it's not part of the thoughts and decision making of each parent, it won't work as well as it could.

SandraDodd.com/issues

Quote is from Family harmony and unschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Growing safely

Marta Venturini, in an interview in 2020:

I see deschooling much more than just that process of replacing school with no school. Because to me, radical unschooling is that lifestyle that you were talking about, is that spiritual practice, almost. Because radical unschooling is that to me, deschooling has been so much more. It’s been about personal growth. It’s been about healing.

And so, trying to give Conchinha this safe place, I ended up getting my own safe place, too, in the process.

—Marta

You can hear the recording here: SandraDodd.com/marta
and there is a link to the transcript
photo by Karen James