Kind, thoughtful and respectful

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

If we want our children to be kind and thoughtful and treat others with respect we need to model that for them. We can make kids *act* respectful and act kind and act thoughtful but when we stop making them and give them the choice, they're unlikely to want to be kind, thoughtful and respectful of those who don't treat them that way.

—Joyce Fetteroll

(Joyce responding to someone who thought we were WRONG.)
photo by Ester Siroky

Truthful and protective

It's all information

Respect trivia.

For school kids, "trivia" means "won't be on the test."

In the absence of tests, where all of life is learning, there IS no "trivia." There is only information.

Principles of Learning (chat transcript)
photo by Sandra Dodd, of tile in Austin
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Listen, honestly

Robyn Coburn wrote:

How do we as parents show that we respect our children, that we are parenting respectfully? One big way is by genuinely listening to them. One way is by being honest with them about our own feelings, and telling the truth about events, or unexaggerated truthful reasons about why things can or cannot occur.

—Robyn Coburn

Thoughts on Respect
photo by Cass Kotrba
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Listen, advise, love, laugh

Marina DeLuca-Howard wrote, regarding a teenager:

In the past when someone with a younger child in tow has asked for "the secret" to all this respect I seem to receive I notice they can't *hear* the answer. I gave a lot of respect, choices and did a lot of trusting. I didn't ignore him. I was the resource. I listened, advised, and loved and laughed and supported.

—Marina DeLuca-Howard

A teen boy out with his mom—what's "the secret"?
photo by Tara Joe Farrell
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Admirable and attractive

Perspectives do change, if people want to learn.

Different perspectives will affect what you respect, too. What is admirable, that you want to head toward? What is attractive, and pulls you nearer? What is disturbing or embarrassing, that you want to step away from?

The origin of that, or a link to
Getting warm
or to other posts on perspective
photo by Karen James

Honest, attentive and reliable

Quote & reply quote:

Trust is a more useful word. Over time, kids develop a sense of whether or not parents are trustworthy sources of information and assistance."

—Meredith Meredith

"Good point. And very often, parents 'demand respect' without any idea that they need to earn it. For a child to trust a parent, the parent needs to be worthy of trust—trustworthy. Trustable. Then after many years of being honest and attentive and reliable, the children will respect them. Because they're respectable."

—Sandra Dodd

The originals are here, a few comments down, in a brief, good discussion on facebook. De Flowers saved and shared the part above in 2014.
photo by Tessa Onderwater
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Dignity

Be dignified, if you want your children to respect you and to grow up to be dignified themselves. You cannot maintain your dignity and also embrace INdignity. Breathe and think of your children's need for peace so that unschooling can thrive in your home.
Indignation is not a virtue.

SandraDodd.com/indignation
photo by Vlad Gurdiga
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More valuable and less expensive

Becoming the sort of person you hope your child will be, or that your child will respect, is more valuable than years of therapy. And it’s cheaper.

SandraDodd.com/becoming

(source of quote)
photo by Gail Higgins
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Lovable and respectable

Try to be lovable and respectable, whether or not you have a partner or an audience, because it makes you a better person. Try to be trustworthy and dependable.

Being a better person will make you a better parent.

Unconditional Love (was Love and Respect)
Better is better.
photo by Cally Brown
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Fill yourself up

Generosity makes you generous. Kindness makes you kind. Respecting others, and their ideas and their interests, makes you full of respect—respectful. These are little things that build up quickly.


SandraDodd.com/becoming
photo by Janine Davies
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Transcendental moment

Remember that your children will also experience flow.

If you interrupt them while they're playing Rock Band or drawing or spinning on a tire swing, you might be disturbing a profound experience. So interrupt gently, when you must. Treat them with the respect you would treat anyone who might be in the midst of a transcendental moment.

page 207 (or 240) of The Big Book of Unschooling, on Flow
photo by Sarah Dickinson

See your child

See all that is good about your child.

SandraDodd.com/respect
Holly Dodd, self portrait in a gas cap

Respect

Karen James:

Your kids will learn to respect you when they come to understand from experience what respect feels like to them.

Sandra Dodd:

It can't happen all at once, but without taking the first steps, and the next, it will never happen.

SandraDodd.com/respect
photo by Amber Ivey
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Real respect

Some people confuse respect and courtesy. Some people confuse nicey-niceness with respect. But real respect changes action and affects decisions.
. . . . Respect can be shown sometimes by being quiet. Sometimes it can be shown by thinking about what someone says and not dismissing it half-heard.

SandraDodd.com/respect/problems
photo by Holly Dodd
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A little big deal

Perhaps you have seen lots of fireworks—professional, big shows that cost tens of thousands of dollars. If so, $20 worth of little fountain fireworks might seem lame.

Some people are newer to the world. A child who hasn't seen so many fireworks might be thrilled by a few fountains. Honor their excitement. Share it. You're creating a memory of peace and light, if you do it well.



SandraDodd.com/respect
photo by Sandra Dodd
(a lame photo of something that was making a nine-year-old girl very happy)

Find abundance

Neediness expresses itself differently with different kids. Abundance expresses itself similarly in all.

A family can learn to find abundance rather than lack, even if they're not wealthy.

SandraDodd.com/respect/dodd
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Only a child?

"Respect" is not a light thing. It's not easy to respect your child, when it's new to you. There will be people encouraging you to see your child as "just a kid," and "only a child." Think of adults you respect, and think of them as ten years old, four years old, two, newborn. They were those people from birth. There was a newborn Mohandas Gandhi; a four-year-old Abraham Lincoln; an eight-year-old Oprah Winfrey; a twelve-year-old Winston Churchill.

SandraDodd.com/respect
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Be that way

"Treat them the way you want them to treat others. Do you want respect? Be respectful. Do you want responsibility from them? Be responsible."

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/pam/howto
photo by Chrissy Florence
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Making the world better

"The longer I live the more convinced I am that the way children are parented/raised has the greatest potential for changing the world. Raising whole, healthy people makes the world better."

—Brie Jontry

SandraDodd.com/respect
photo by Sandra Dodd
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