Just yesterday a friend and I were discussing what we thought of as a distilling 'factor' that must be present for unschooling/mindful parenting to be successful. The factor that came up was TRUST.
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photo by Holly Dodd
Just yesterday a friend and I were discussing what we thought of as a distilling 'factor' that must be present for unschooling/mindful parenting to be successful. The factor that came up was TRUST.
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"Don’t trust children to be right. Trust children to be able to make a guess and then learn from what happens." —Joyce Fetteroll | ![]() |
Someone had written, of unschooling: "It sounds like it takes an enormous amount of trust in everything to allow this process to happen." I responded: "It takes a little trust, and desire, and willingness, to take one step. It gets easier as you go. No one can take all of the steps at once." No one can, or should, have trust in everything. Try things out. Think carefully, and observe directly. Practice! |
*Listen* to what she says with an open mind. Don't listen with an ear tuned to your ideas of what she should be thinking or should not be thinking. Listen to *her* ideas. Don't impose your "right" way of thinking on her. Don't lead her to your "right" way of viewing the world. Listen to her growing understanding. Trust that she's a thinking being and her ideas will change as she gains experience with the world. Trust she'll value kindness if who she is is treated with respect and kindness. Trust that she'll want to step on your ideas if you show her that's what you do with people who don't have the same ideas as you do. —Joyce Fetteroll | ![]() |
![]() | "You can read all the books, you can talk to unschoolers, attend a conference and join some lists. But until you GET IT at the internal level, until there is trust and a willingness to extend that trust to your children, unschooling is just a nice idea or philosophy to discuss...nothing more. For those that decide to learn to trust themselves and their children, they soon find their lives a bubbly, interesting swirl of natural learning." —Ren Allen |
You can attend a thousand Zen classes at a University and still not understand it because it is something that is internal. You can have a bunch of nice meditation products and still be angry. You can make a big deal out of living simply and still miss all the beauty around you.
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Sorta like unschooling.
You can read all the books, you can talk to unschoolers, attend a conference and join some lists. But until you GET IT at the internal level, until there is trust and a willingness to extend that trust to your children, unschooling is just a nice idea or philosophy to discuss...nothing more. For those that decide to learn to trust themselves and their children, they soon find their lives a bubbly, interesting swirl of natural learning.
"Make a mental note of those times when you know in your soul that this is really working well. That act helps you gain understanding, confidence, and ultimately build trust in the process of unschooling, and in your children. The deepest trust happens when you see it in action for yourself, when your understanding meshes with your experiences—that's when you 'feel it in your bones'." | ![]() |
Trust and faith are the most powerful tools parents of teens have. Too many parents squander those trying to control toddlers and young children. |
Caren Knox wrote: Trust is a vital foundation to building an unschooling home. If kids can't trust that what their parents are saying is true, their foundation is shaky, perilous.
Why bring a negative force into the home? If you're used to sarcasm and other lying, it might take practice to learn to speak honestly. It can feel vulnerable and risky. It is worth it. You'll soon be able to feel if what you are about to say is true — really true — and you'll develop the ability to stop, breathe, and change what you're saying if needed. —Caren Knox |
Trust and respect go together. Someone who is trustworthy will be respected. | ![]() |
Parents, in order to have their children trust them, should become trustworthy. | ![]() |
"There are many things one can trust as one begins unschooling. Draw on what you know about your child, your partner and yourself to nurture confidence. Trust in unschooling will deepen and grow as one gains understanding and experience." —Karen James |
The relationship, the trust, and peace, are what will help learning work. | ![]() |
![]() | Smiles and laughter involve safety and trust. Those emotions are good for families, for relationships, and for learning. |