That's all. Just that.

If I saw [unschooling] simply as a means to get them to college, I might be nervous. I see it as a way to live. I don't see it as keeping the kids out of college or hampering their opportunities for formal learning if they go that route. I'm not holding college up to them or me as "the goal." The goal, for me, is that they will be thoughtful, compassionate, curious, kind and joyful. That's all. That's not asking much, is it? I think if those traits are intact in them, they will continue to learn their whole lives.

SandraDodd.com/interview
photo by Julie D
Words 1998; Image 2013.

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Note in 2025, which will become outdated as it sits here and they don't:

Those two in the photo never went to school. Holly is working in a Montessori school as a teaching assistant in the toddler room. Adam is at Oxford University.

Of not-appearing others, Marty has a degree in economics and a minor in geography. He works with maps and statistics. Kirby workes a tech job, with a security clearance; they waived the college degree requirement because of his experience and ability.

Being a father

Frank Maier wrote:

Being a father means participating in, and belonging to, the world around me and not just sitting quietly, being an observer. I have learned from my family and blossomed within my own inner geography as much as the kids have blossomed and grown into the wide world around them. As with most kinds of growth, it's difficult to see the changes on a daily or short-term basis. It's when you look back over a longer period that you really see, and are amazed by, the amount of growth that has happened.

—Frank Maier

SandraDodd.com/dads
(I took an "also" out of the first phrase.)
photo by Colleen Prieto

A bigger payoff

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

Think about what is REALLY important and keep that always in the forefront of your interactions with your children. What values do you hope to pass on to them? You can't "pass on" something you don't exemplify yourself. Treat them the way you want them to treat others. Do you want respect? Be respectful. Do you want responsibility from them? Be responsible. Think of how you look to them, from their perspective. Do you order them around? Is that respectful? Do you say, "I'll be just a minute" and then take 20 more minutes talking to a friend while the children wait? Is that responsible?

Focus more on your own behavior than on theirs. It'll pay off bigger.

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/pam/howto
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Do more.

If you don't feel like you're doing enough, do more.

Karen James remembered me writing that, and a few years later she repeated it to another mom, with a nice addition:

"Do more. Have fun. In my experience, it's truly contagious!"

SandraDodd.com/howto/precisely
photo by Sandra Dodd

Right and true

Live your life in such a way that other people will trust you. When you make decisions, make generous, selfless decisions so that others benefit. When you say something, do your best to say what is fair and right and true. When you write, write things you don't mind people taking out and sharing.

A person is only trustworthy if he has earned trust, if he is worthy of being trusted.

BENEFITS beyond just "be a better parent"
photo by Marty Dodd

Compass

"Compass rose" is a beautiful term for directions set in tile, or stone, or metal, or painted... It's a symbol for knowing what's what and where's where—where the viewer is, in relation to the rest of the world.

The word "encompass," meaning to surround and enclose, can be a soothing concept, for parents and families.

Within that compass, there are options. As children grow, the size of the encompassing circle expands.

SandraDodd.com/wordswords
photo by Sandra Dodd

Fascinating

"One dark spooky night not so long ago, under a full moon and while the wind howled....my 5-year-old developed a fascination for monsters."

—Amy Kagey

Monster Mania
and one monster leads to another...
photo by Colleen Prieto