Kindness and creativity

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

"Homeschoolers think a lot about learning—but they often focus on learning to read, write, do math, or learning science or history, etc.

"Unschoolers tend to take that kind of learning for granted, it happens along the way. Instead, as we get more and more into unschooling, we tend to focus on things like kindness and creativity and honesty—all those character traits that will determine *how* their learning will be used in their lives."

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Jamie Lee

Good and happy

"The best thing that any parent can do is to make their life with and their relationship with their children as good and as happy and as stress-free as possible."

—Schuyler Waynforth

SandraDodd.com/addiction
photo by Jo Isaac

Intelligence

When I was 19 and "studying learning," by taking psychology and education classes, one of my more interesting professors said that intelligence involved the ability to use tools in ways other than those for which they were intended. I liked that.

The image stayed in my mind for decades as I watched some people inflexibly say "don't do that" or "that's not what that's for" while others smiled, and laughed, and said "Oh, cool idea!" or "That will work!"

Whether it's about intelligence or it's creativity and joy, it's a good combination of thought, action and acceptance.

SandraDodd.com/intelligences
The tool-using theory isn't one of those listed.
It might be an engineering talent, so spatial and logical?
Or it might be art. Fun to think about.

photo by Roya Dedeaux
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Healthy behaviors

"It's not because unschooled children are superior that they won't exhibit the behaviors that parents fear. It's that their lives lack the factors that cause children to use TV in unhealthy ways."

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/tv
photo by Brandie Hadfield

Who they are

Jill Parmer wrote:

"A huge shift for my deschooling was that I wanted my kids to be like certain kids I was reading about on the message boards. And when I had that thought, it shocked me. I realized I was not seeing my kids as who they were, that I was still wanting them to be....something else. That shock was enough to make me banish that thought and look directly at my kids and play with them and have fun with them."

—Jill Parmer

Deschooling chat transcript
photo by Alicia Gonzalez-Lopez
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Involved and busy

About "academic things":

If the parents are really involved and busy, and inspiring and inspired, and interested and interesting, then I trust it will happen.

I know it will NOT happen if the parents are cynical, negative, critical, shaming.

Parents, if they're considering homeschooling, need to make it better than school or not do it.

The quote is from a section starting about 47:20
on the recorded interview you can hear here:
2009 interview by Sandi Schwartz
photo by Donna Anderson

Whole individual learning

Whole individual learning is the ONLY way anyone can learn.

Each child builds his own internal model of the universe. School tries to insert one but it can't. It just can't be done.

SandraDodd.com/research
photo by Marin Holmes
Your Own Model of the Universe

Full, real lives

I see my children living full, real lives today, right now. I don't see them as students in preparation for life, who after a number of years and lessons might be considered "completed" or "graduated." It was a long way to come, and I never even had to move. I just had to look at what I considered to be real.

SandraDodd.com/fullofyourself
photo by Melissa DeLong
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The farther it will flow

"If learning were a river, a question might be a tributary. Answering the question will add to the river. The more tributaries, the larger the river, and the farther it will flow. As long as the questions come, we answer them, and the learning continues to flow."

—Nina, of "Amor y Risa"

SandraDodd.com/connections/example
photo by Remy C BW

Open to wonder

Meredith wrote:

Unschooling doesn't start at the rules in your head, it starts with each individual child. If one of your kids is curious about something and you're tempted to shut it down—because it's scary to you, because it might be dangerous—that's a problem. It's a big obstacle in your relationship with your child, one that sets up your kid to have to choose between mom and wonder. Wonder, for many people, is worth some risk. It can be worth physical risk to physical people. It can be worth a relationship with a parent, or both parents, or a whole family.

—Meredith Novak

SandraDodd.com/open
photo by Amanda Lyn Custer

Joining in joy

#1 reason to love the internet: You're reading this page!

#2 reason to love the internet: pictures, music, video, art, voices... (Oh wait; that's lots of reasons!)

I love the internet,
I love my website,
I love history, and
I love the future.

Robyn Coburn wrote something once about her dad, who was a professional juggler. I put it on a webpage, as a connection from another juggling page I had, and...

One thing led to another. She got to see video of her dad juggling. You can see it too, because the internet is wonderful.

Reasons to love the internet
photo by Amanda Lyn Custer
Robyn, on her dad, and the video of him

While recovering

What advice do you have for families who are new to homeschooling?

Don't spend money at first. Read, meet other families, let your children have time to do what they're interested in, or what they weren't allowed to do before because of school.

If they want to read or play in the yard or ride bikes or watch movies or draw or paint or play games, make that possible for them.

While the children are recovering, the parents can learn about what they want to do and why, and how. There is more online about homeschooling than anyone could ever read. Find the writers and ideas that make sense to you, and pursue that. Don't rush into anything. Parents should learn to be calm and thoughtful instead of panicky and reactionary. It's better for health and decision-making, and it sets a good example for the children. Don't live in fear when you can live in joy.

SandraDodd.com/interviews/successful
photo by Hannah North
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Some of the best of everything

Whatever you do, make it fun, interesting, comforting, memorable, unusual, familiar, nourishing, productive, or restful. If it can be three or four of those things at the same time, good job!


Precisely How to Unschool
photo by Erika Andromeda
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Real true, big enjoyment

Colleen Prieto wrote:


I am quite pleased that everyone in our little family feels quite free to be enthusiastic, passionate, and extremely into whatever we're into at the moment. All things Star Trek, cemetery exploration, birding, keeping track of the Yankees, Minecraft, and photography are things that right now are taking up most of our time. I don't think we're obsessed and I don't think we need to be more well-rounded and find "moderation." I think we're happy and having fun and learning , and that to me is all good.

—Colleen Prieto

The title of this post is also a Colleen quote from this page:
SandraDodd.com/toomuch
photo by Sadie Bugni

Comforts

Being comfortable is part of being at peace. Perhaps they are the same thing.


Learning can't happen well without peace, so provide the elements of a peaceful life as often as you can, in all sorts of ways. Become comfortable with peace.

SandraDodd.com/peace
photo by Jessica Sexton
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Give

"When you give, give as happily as you honestly can, and give with the receiver in mind more than yourself. That spirit shows, and is meaningful."

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/generosity
photo by Hannah North
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Happy 2017

I'm home from a New Year's Eve party at Marty and Ashlee's (our middle "child," now 27, and his wife of two years). They live in the house Keith and I were in when we were younger than any of our kids are now, where we lived when our children were young, and where we lived until Marty was nearly 9. There were people there tonight I've known for years and some I just met. Nice people.

It's too late to get a good post together; sorry.

Best wishes for peace and happy surprises!

Does TV create violence?

Deb Lewis wrote:

Does TV create violence, really? Maybe guns create violence. Knives. Baseball bats. Hammers. Axes, shovels, saws? Rope? Dynamite? Sharp sticks, rocks? Maybe it's language causes violence because most killers spoke. Maybe it's books. Clothing? Day time night time wind rain snow trees birds frogs.

For lots of kids, even the bad guys on TV are nicer than the real life crazy people they live and go to school with.

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/t/violence
photo by Tara Joe Farrell
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The page also has this quote:

"There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?"

—Dick Cavett

A real human being

Learn to see your child not as an ideal or a model or the memory of what a child should be like from their childhood, but as a real human being growing right there, as a real human being who's seeing and learning, and learning things that are beyond the parents' production and teaching.

They learn things that we don't know! It's awesome.

SandraDodd.com/considerations
(rephrased slightly for this post, but the original is at the link)
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp Saran
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A fascinated adult

Because John Holt was SO interested in children, every time he interacted with one, he saw a child interacting with a fascinated adult. THIS is one of the things unschoolers need to remember. When the adult brings boredom, cynicism, criticism and doubt to the table, that's what he'll see and that's how he'll see it, and it will be no fault of the child's whatsoever.

SandraDodd.com/johnholt
photo by Lisa Jonick
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Associations

Billy the Kid reminds me of my grandmother. She lived in Lincoln County, New Mexico, in the nineteen-tens and a while after, when the events were more recent and richly local. She had been places he had been, and collected articles and booklets about him.

Louise's children remember one castle by giant ice cream cones they had there, and another by lollies.

Any association that help us recall or connect ideas is a useful part of our personal web of knowledge. In school, it is possible to cheat. In school, there is "trivia." In the real world, though, learning is learning.

SandraDodd.com/reallearning
photo by Louise Mills

Thirty, twenty-seven, twenty-five

All three of my children were here for Christmas. The youngest is twenty-five.

Twenty-five years ago this summer, we did not register our five year old for kindergarten; we registered him as a homeschooler. That's a long time.

I've been explaining unschooling to a growing number of people over all those years. No wonder I'm tired!


The quote is partly lifted from Twenty-five and twenty
photo by Sandra Dodd; window snowflake by Irene Adams (my sister)

Quite small

Appreciate small moments, small gestures, small ideas. Small things make up a rich life.

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Colleen Prieto

Elegance

In words, music, dance, art, sometimes beauty is in the sparseness and simplicity. Directly, simply, surprisingly beautiful. This is elegance.

Sometimes in parenting, or being a partner or a friend, there might be an elegant gesture. I hope you are the recipient of a few such behaviors, and the provider of some.

SandraDodd.com/smallwords
artistry and photo by Karen James
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Still cheerful

Five years ago, someone wrote, of Just Add Light and Stir:

I really didn’t like Sandra’s blog, sure there is a lot of useful information, but the “cheerful” tone creeps me out!

Below was my response at the time. Nothing has happened in five years to make me doubt my stance. There are twice as many subscribers now.

---

A lot of useful information would be sufficient, I think, for a daily blog with over 800 subscribers. But I'm creeping someone out with a "'cheerful' tone"?! First, it's not "cheerful" in quotes, not allegedly cheerful. It actually *is* cheerful. 🙂

Cynicism is poison. It erodes relationships. It saps one's spirit and dissolves faith and hope. I will choose cheeriness over pissiness anytime I can manage to do it, and I hope most of those reading here are able to make that choice too, for the sake of themselves and their families. For their neighbors, for their dogs. For safety while operating motor vehicles and other machinery. For success at work, and joy while grocery shopping.

Negativity sucks. It sucks the possibility of a joyful life directly out of a person, and if it's not stopped, it will spread to others.

Smiles can spread, too, though. Kindness can be contagious. You choose a hundred times a day to smile or to frown, to breathe in joy or to suck in resentment.

Live responsibly, especially while you have children in your home.

SandraDodd.com/negativity
photo by Chrissy Florence
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Little things

"There will be conversations about the cats about the dog about the fish about whatever. There will be a chase around the house at some point in the day. There will be cuddles and play and connection. And tea." —Schuyler Waynforth

SandraDodd.com/fabric
photo by Karen James
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Solstice

Depending where in the world you are, today is the shortest day, or the longest day of the year. Readers in Hawaii and in India won't see much difference. Those in Canada and the UK begin to slide back to more light, and New Zealand and Melbourne-ish readers might be relieved to have less sun as days go on.

Look forward to familiar sameness and to coming changes.
See the beauty.
No Time Out
photo by Jo Isaac

Glow

Fireworks, candles and seasonal decorations create glowing moments marking the passing of time. None of them will last, but your memories might.

Help your children glow. See the light in them. Time is passing. Childhood won't last, but your memories might.

SandraDodd.com/partners/child
photo by Jo Isaac
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Kind of a big deal

The better we handle the trust given us by a child, the better people we are, and the better the child's young life, adulthood and old age will be. We're not just dealing with little children. We're dealing with the whole of life itself, which will outlast us all. We are dealing with joy and with eternity.

The quote is from something I wrote in 2004. There is Music.
SandraDodd.com/christmas04
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Prevent preventions

Suspicion and cynicism prevent wonder. Unschooling requires wonder.

---

SandraDodd.com/wonder
photo by Chrissy Florence
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Flitting

It's worth looking into the concept of process vs. product. People learn from figuring out how things work. One doesn't need to build a computer just to mess with computer repair or examine parts. Someone can play with yarn and needles and do a simple scarf without being made to feel like a failure for having no interest in making sweaters and socks.

Unschooling is about learning, exploration, peace and love. It shouldn't be about pressure, shame and failure.

SandraDodd.com/flitting
photo by Megan Valnes
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Check your settings

Anyone, no matter how well they're doing at parenting and unschooling, can get so tired, so distracted, so sick, hungry, or some combination of those things, that they default to their original settings (possibly doing what their own mom would have said or done). So there's no point coming at which all danger is past.

Deschooling needs touch-ups and updates along the way. Be sweet and good.

SandraDodd.com/deschooling
photo by Jo Isaac
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Use your power for good

"Life can never be perfect, but mothers have the power to make it a little better, a little better, and a little better."

—Sandra Dodd

La vida no puede ser perfecta, pero las mamas tienen el poder de hacerlo un poco mejor, un poco mejor...

—translated by Yvonne Laborda

from an interview in Spanish and English
photo by Karen James

Investing your time

The question was: "When do you find time for yourself as an individual?"

My response, once:

When children are very young, their lives ARE the mother's life. The more time the mother spends with the child when he's young, the easier it will be for him to separate freely on his own. It goes against some of the assumptions of traditional parenting (although it might not in India, and my comments might be too western here), to suggest that fulfilling all of a child's needs will make him more INdependent, but when a child is needy and feels ignored, he will be more demanding, not less.

As my children got a little older, I found other families to trade time with. Their kids would play at my house while the mom shopped or something, and she would reciprocate. If a mother is encouraged to look for more and more time without her children, though, it can make her feel unhappy thinking she's doing something wrong and should "find herself." Rather than encourage mothers to feel they have lost their individuality, I've found that helping them become the sort of parents they're proud to be can make them feel much better than outside interests might have. As children get older, mothers have more time, until someday the children are grown. People say it and hear it all the time, I know, but when they're little it seems it will never happen, and when they're older, it seems it took no time at all.

The more people one's children know and trust, the easier it will be for the parents to find some separate time, but I don't think time apart should be a high priority.

The graph was created for this article:
SandraDodd.com/howto/precisely

Step away from school

I've been a teacher. From that point of view the world IS most definitely revolving around years and semesters, school districts, standardized test schedules, federal title monies, school bus contracts, cafeteria funding, library cuts, parking-lot pavement... all kinds of stuff that has nothing much to do with kids, their hearts, spirits and ideas. Shuck it away. Don't live there.

SandraDodd.com/interview
photo by Sandra Dodd of a carousel at a carnival in Leiden
This post is a repeat from four years ago, Don't live there.
Turn away, and live in the rest of the big world.

Circles

Today I have a game for you to play with your family, or friends, or me online somewhere. Think of circular things, like a wreath, like a wedding ring, a crown or a halo. Think of them in art, architecture, cooking, machinery (ancient or modern), sewing, astronomy, games, baskets, botany, hats, Venn diagrams. Look around with the eyes of a child, of a spy, a painter or an anthropologist. Think of their symbolism, realities, of naturally-forming circles, and do it today, but don't stop doing it when today is over.
SandraDodd.com/connections
wreath and photo by Janine Davies
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Newness and excitement

Energy is shared, and that's how unschooling works. Whether I'm excited about something new, or my children are excited about something new, there's still newness and excitement enough to share.

SandraDodd.com/balance
photo by Chrissy Florence
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Joy and wonder

Some people are looking for the easiest way through, with the least amount of effort and attention, instead of looking for how rich and cool life can be if they just lift up their hearts and eyes to the wonder and joy around them.

---

Marta Pires saved that quote from something I wrote that was longer and not all as cheery, on facebook. So I'm going to link to this instead:
Do it
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Let life flow

"If we live our values, it's likely our children will value them too. If we impose our values, it's likely our children will reject them."

—Joyce Fetteroll

How can TV in any amount be okay?
photo by Sandra Dodd
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❖

Variable, thoughtful lunch

Some days lunch is medicinal—one child is sickly and could use soup or juice. One is off to a sports event, and carbohydrates are a good idea. One is sad, and would like comfort food. One is bored, and her sandwich could use a face.

Be as loose as a dancer, as variable as an actor, as thoughtful as a chessplayer, when you decide what to make for lunch sometimes!

SandraDodd.com/eating/peace
photo by Hinano

The words are from Little meals make big memories

Be reliable

It will add calm, value, and solidity to your life if you're reliable, honest, and trustworthy.

SandraDodd.com/trust
(Thanks to Amber Ivey for saving a quote I could build from here.)
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Sometimes be quiet and wait

Very often parents find themselves in a situation where they might not see a way to make things better, but they could easily make things worse.

SandraDodd.com/peace/fightingcomments
The quote isn't from there, but the information could be helpful.
photo by Holly Dodd

Calm is better

Calm is better than uptight.

SandraDodd.com/calm
photo by Lydia Koltai

Twinkling choices

There are all kinds of descriptors each of us could use for our kids. Choose the good ones, the ones that make them twinkle in our eyes. —Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/labels
photo by Sandra Dodd

Just because

If someone gives you a blanket when you need a blanket, just because they know you need one and think you might like to have one, it's better than a hand-quilted show-piece given to someone who had blankets.

SandraDodd.com/service
photo by Janine Davies

Quietly and gently play

Jigsaw puzzles are wonderful, and you can get them at yard sales and thrift stores for less than a dollar. Greeting cards cost $2 now, but you can get a thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle for 50 cents and so what does it matter if it might have a piece or three missing? Cheaper than a greeting card. Work it and throw it away.

While you’re working it, the picture on the box will inspire questions, stories, ideas, tangents. The shapes of the pieces will remind people of other connections in their lives. Except for those toddlers who eat puzzle pieces, puzzles can involve people of all ages together. There are some on the market now with big pieces at one end, medium in the middle, and small for the rest. Some bright parent thought THAT up. They’ll be coming soon to a yard sale near you.


SandraDodd.com/truck
That was written in 1999; greeting cards can be $4 and $5 now, and used puzzles might be $2.

image by Sandra Dodd, made with a scanner (pieces set face down)
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Sunshine

Whether it's warm outside or cold, the sun through the window is the same.

Be light.

SandraDodd.com/mindfulness
photo by Wendy Neathery-Wise

If then learning

The parents don't need to know what the child is learning in order for learning to be happening.

If a child is bored and agitated, she's not learning. If she's happy and smiling and humming and engaged with what she's thinking, seeing, hearing, tasting, touching or smelling, then she's learning.

Sandra Dodd, on the Always Learning discussion September 2012
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Fragile and beautiful

Be ready to discover temporary fragile beauty.

SandraDodd.com/pressure
photo by Sarah Dickinson
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Every day or two

Strewing is a little like at school, when they change the bulletin boards for different seasons, or museums when they change displays.

It's restaging the learning area.

Unschoolers don't need to wait weeks or months to restage, though. Something interesting might be set out every day or two.

SandraDodd.com/strewing
photo by Sandra Dodd