Interwoven

In weaving, one thread touches all the others. At first, learning is in one place, play is in another, and work is in a third. Unschoolers can gradually become people whose lives are made of learning and togetherness. When play has value, and parents see learning in everything, the fiber and substance of the family's life change.

What is woven into your life is part of your being.

SandraDodd.com/substance
photo by Nancy Machaj

Think joyfully

"Think creatively. Think joyfully. Cultivate an attitude of enthusiasm and awe at as many things you can find in a day, especially the ordinary things or those things you've looked upon with skepticism and fear."

—Karen James

Karen James, Unschooling
photo by Ve Lacerda

Watch quietly

Thoughts don't show. Provide opportunities and time. Watch quietly. Don't break the spell.

SandraDodd.com/peace/becoming
photo by Jennie Gomes

Being transformed

[There is something interesting] at the crux of the difference between being an unschooler and being however we all used to be before. We had this expectation of how we might be with our children, or how we might be with our spouses, our friends, or neighbors, or roommates. And then something big starts to change. And our attitudes change. And our "being ourselves" changes.

SandraDodd.com/listen/transformations
snow angel photo by Janine Davies

What we give

"What makes our happiness as a family is not what we get from each other, but what we generously give."

—Tori Cotta

SandraDodd.com/happy
photo by Rachel Singer

Gaining faith

We can't know what children are thinking or learning. Two children "learning together" aren't making the same connections. With experience and practice, parents can gain faith in the processes that make unschooling so effective and wonderful.

Building an Unschooling Nest
photo by Celeste Burke

Way to go!

Choices are the way to go. Moms can practice them first, and help children have and make them as years go by.

SandraDodd.com/stress
photo by Eva Witsel

Be glad

Live in the moment as well as you can and be glad of happy surprises.



Surprises

Living in moments
photo by Andrea Taylor

Reflecting on shadows

I like this photo. A lit-up tree made both light and shadow.

You affect other things; things affect you.

Try to be happy, because happiness creates a better effect. You will be in shadows, and create some. You will be in the light of others, and some light will shine from you, on you, and through you.

Reflections, Projections and Shadows
photo by Abby Davis

Being valuable

"If we live our values, it's likely our children will value them too. If we impose our values, it's likely our children will reject them."

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/tvchoice
photo by Nicole Kenyon

Light and peace

Many traditional observances involve fire—from candles to fireworks to bonfires.


With apologies to readers in New Zealand, Australia, South Africa and the tropics, here is a link to Deb Lewis's List of Things to do in the Winter

photo by Bea Mantovani

Intangible gifts

For many families, this can be a time of stress and love and joy and exhaustion and fear of failure, concerning procurement and presentation of food or presents.

Remember intangible gifts. Remember to be kind and quiet and sweet, around and through the sound and swirl. Be grateful and express your gratitude to others, for help, for health, for being, for smiles, and for love. Touch and speak gently.

Gifts
photo by Meghan Pawlowski

Safety net

"The goal isn't to set them free. It's to ease back on where they don't need a safety net anymore."

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/freedom
photo by Chrissy Florence

Keep the peace

How NOT to watch movies:

Don't be cynical and critical and dismissive. Find the good acting, the good sets, the good props. Don't say "OH BROTHER." If there's a movie you really don't like, don't watch it with your kids.


This link has a new list. While I was in there editing,
I saw the note above, by me, from 2010.
Movies for Unschoolers
photo by Janine
(not of a movie; sorry)

Doors to creativity

"Unschooling has inspired us all in so many ways, and opened doors to creativity that among other worries and insecurities we just didn't have time for before in the rush and busy of that old life! But mostly I needed to be inspired and have something meaningful and of value to write about, and now I have found it in this wonderful world of unschooling, and making so many new friends, and just so much positivity it's fantastic!"

—Janine

photo by Sandra Dodd

Open your mind and heart

"Every time I opened my mind and heart to something my kids loved or were passionate about, or just enjoyed, I learned more about my kids and my life, and theirs, became richer."

—Alex Polikowsky

SandraDodd.com/alex
photo by Jennie Gomes

Any child would flourish...

"I think any child would flourish in a loving, supportive, interesting, fun, resource-rich, nurturing, stimulating environment."

—Amy Childs

SandraDodd.com/whocanunschool
(from Amy's podcast series on unschooling)
photo by Chrissy Florence

In thought and awareness

When someone recommends turning full on toward the child, that means don't keep reading your newspaper or your computer screen. Pause the video. Put down the gardening tools. It doesn't mean stare at the child until he finishes his story. It means to be WITH him, with him in thought, and with him in emotion if needed, and with him in awareness.



SandraDodd.com/eyecontact
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp,
of Adam, Julie and James Daniel

Look for moments

Karen James wrote:

Look for moments in the day that are good—especially the ordinary moments. Pause and appreciate them when you see them. Let them set the mood for how you move forward. Listen for pleasing sounds. A giggle. A child's breath. Your own heartbeat. Some music. Close your eyes, notice and appreciate those sounds. Find the ones that make you smile. Let your smile soften your mood.

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/badmoment
Original quote from a post at Always Learning, November 26, 2015.
photo by Julie D

Not enough hands?

Instead of having a rule that kids had to hold my hand in a parking lot, I would park near a cart and put some kids in right away, or tell them to hold on to the cart (a.k.a. "help me push", so a kid can be between me and the cart). And they didn't have to hold a hand. There weren't enough hands. I'd say "Hold on to something," and it might be my jacket, or the strap of the snugli, or the backpack, or something.



SandraDodd.com/toddlers
"Hold on to something" or what?
photo by Sandra Dodd

Quiet reflection

"Please take time for reflection. Take time for your mind to be calm and quiet."

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/calm
photo by Sandra Dodd

"Thank you"

A good project for this season: Maybe send a thank-you note.
Not to me.

Send a thank-you note to someone who has helped you this year, or maybe deliver one by hand to the nicest person at your grocery store, or a neighbor who smiles and waves.

Maybe someone has been nice to you online, and you could send an e-mail or a facebook message.

SandraDodd.com/gratitude
photo by Sandra Dodd

Other factors

It's hard to explain unschooling, partly because the best answers are "it depends," followed by questions for the parents to consider while they're making their decisions.

It depends on time available, time of day, safety, resources, the effect on other people, need for food or rest, and other factors I can't think of right now.

Some days a certain request would be just perfectly WONDERful to do/pursue, and the same request on another day might be a total flat-out "no" (or a "maybe later, but not during a funeral," or whatever it is).

Getting unschooling is a process. There will be more to get once you're comfortable with the new understandings and behaviors.


SandraDodd.com/depends
photo by Sandra Dodd

Fill up your family

"You can't give what you don't have," some people say, and if you want your children to give generosity and kindness and patience to others, you should give them so much they're overflowing with it.

It works with respect, too.


SandraDodd.com/spoiledkids
photo by Julie D, of Holly and Adam

Don't hackle or vex

Good policy for the treatment of children, too! Keep all those things in the "bad idea" column, and choose their opposites whenever you can.

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Sandra Dodd

Books? Old books?

The edition of The New York Public Library Desk Reference we have might be a little outdated, but the rules of ice hockey haven’t changed, nor the way in which one addresses a letter to the Pope, nor the date of the discovery of Krypton. (Some of you thought it was just a Superman thing, didn’t you? Nope—1898, the year before aspirin.)

(Before the internet, people had reference books, and even then they seemed like trivia. Trivia can be the interesting door that leads to strange, new knowledge.)

SandraDodd.com/triviality
photo by Sandra Dodd

Ponymania

"My Little Pony" figures and stories have changed over the years, but their contributions to happiness and learning continue to grow.

SandraDodd.com/mlp
photo by Sandra Dodd

An outpouring of love

How can one get from resentment and rigidity to an outpouring of love? Too mushy? It happens.

Making the shift
photo by Sandra Dodd
I first credited Holly. She says she put the rose in the bottle,
but I'm the one who took the photo. It's been a while.

Pay close attention

"Pay close attention to your children. Really see what they are doing, what they are interested in, what they are enjoying, what frustrates them, what they like and what they don't like."

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/karenjames/deschooling
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp

The important things

Children can only hear "no" so many times before they start to ignore it, so we helped them make good decisions when they were young, and saved "no" for really important things.



SandraDodd.com/teenager
photo by Janine
and it's a link

What matters

Meredith wrote:

I am willing to watch it with her because I know she loves it. I affirm something about her by taking her interest, her pleasure seriously. I let her know she matters by making it clear that she matters to me.

—Meredith Novak
___
10 Nov 2015

SandraDodd.com/respect
photo by Karen James