A sense of peace

"Radical unschooling can bring about such a sense of peace with one's own self, that it can be poured into the being of another."

—Megan Valnes

SandraDodd.com/empathy.html
photo by Sam Baykus
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Humming along

Debbie Regan wrote, to someone afraid a child was "falling behind":

"While schooly people are focussing on that fictional finish line, the real world is still humming along. People are walking around and past the fretting throng, living interesting lives, doing cool things, being productive, enjoying life."

—Debbie Regan

SandraDodd.com/behind
photo by Talia Bartoe

Personal connections

Each idea, object, concept, person, song, motion—anything you can think of—has personal associations for you. You have an incalculable mass of connections formed in your brain and will make more today, tomorrow, on the way home, and in your sleep.


SandraDodd.com/connections/
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Calm awareness

Provide an environment in which they can grow in such calm self-reflection and awareness that they can learn naturally from the things around them.

SandraDodd.com/weight
photo by Erika Ellis


That quote is almost out of context,
though it's half of a sentence, word for word
from the page linked above.
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Depth and breadth

Everything counts, and every connection made increases the depth and breadth of the map of the universe each person is building. It makes it easier to learn the next few things, because there are more places to hook the knowledge.

SandraDodd.com/strew/how
photo by Sandra Dodd

Interwoven

In weaving, one thread touches all the others. At first, learning is in one place, play is in another, and work is in a third. Unschoolers can gradually become people whose lives are made of learning and togetherness. When play has value, and parents see learning in everything, the fiber and substance of the family's life change.

What is woven into your life is part of your being.

SandraDodd.com/substance
photo by Nancy Machaj

Think joyfully

"Think creatively. Think joyfully. Cultivate an attitude of enthusiasm and awe at as many things you can find in a day, especially the ordinary things or those things you've looked upon with skepticism and fear."

—Karen James

Karen James, Unschooling
photo by Ve Lacerda

Watch quietly

Thoughts don't show. Provide opportunities and time. Watch quietly. Don't break the spell.

SandraDodd.com/peace/becoming
photo by Jennie Gomes
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Being transformed

[There is something interesting] at the crux of the difference between being an unschooler and being however we all used to be before. We had this expectation of how we might be with our children, or how we might be with our spouses, our friends, or neighbors, or roommates. And then something big starts to change. And our attitudes change. And our "being ourselves" changes.

SandraDodd.com/listen/transformations
snow angel photo by Janine Davies
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What we give

"What makes our happiness as a family is not what we get from each other, but what we generously give."

—Tori Cotta

SandraDodd.com/happy
photo by Rachel Singer
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Gaining faith

We can't know what children are thinking or learning. Two children "learning together" aren't making the same connections. With experience and practice, parents can gain faith in the processes that make unschooling so effective and wonderful.

Building an Unschooling Nest
photo by Celeste Burke

Way to go!

Choices are the way to go. Moms can practice them first, and help children have and make them as years go by.

SandraDodd.com/stress
photo by Eva Witsel
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Be glad

Live in the moment as well as you can and be glad of happy surprises.

Surprises
Living in moments
photo by Andrea Taylor

Reflecting on shadows

I like this photo. A lit-up tree made both light and shadow.

You affect other things; things affect you.

Try to be happy, because happiness creates a better effect. You will be in shadows, and create some. You will be in the light of others, and some light will shine from you, on you, and through you.

Reflections, Projections and Shadows
photo by Abby Davis
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Being valuable

"If we live our values, it's likely our children will value them too. If we impose our values, it's likely our children will reject them."

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/tvchoice
photo by Nicole Kenyon
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Light and peace

Many traditional observances involve fire—from candles to fireworks to bonfires.


With apologies to readers in New Zealand, Australia, South Africa and the tropics, here is a link to Deb Lewis's List of Things to do in the Winter

photo by Bea Mantovani

Intangible gifts

For many families, this can be a time of stress and love and joy and exhaustion and fear of failure, concerning procurement and presentation of food or presents.

Remember intangible gifts. Remember to be kind and quiet and sweet, around and through the sound and swirl. Be grateful and express your gratitude to others, for help, for health, for being, for smiles, and for love. Touch and speak gently.

Gifts
photo by Meghan Pawlowski
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Safety net

"The goal isn't to set them free. It's to ease back on where they don't need a safety net anymore."

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/freedom
photo by Chrissy Florence
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Keep the peace

How NOT to watch movies:

Don't be cynical and critical and dismissive. Find the good acting, the good sets, the good props. Don't say "OH BROTHER." If there's a movie you really don't like, don't watch it with your kids.


This link has a new list. While I was in there editing,
I saw the note above, by me, from 2010.
Movies for Unschoolers
photo by Janine
(not of a movie; sorry)
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Doors to creativity

"Unschooling has inspired us all in so many ways, and opened doors to creativity that among other worries and insecurities we just didn't have time for before in the rush and busy of that old life! But mostly I needed to be inspired and have something meaningful and of value to write about, and now I have found it in this wonderful world of unschooling, and making so many new friends, and just so much positivity it's fantastic!"

—Janine

photo by Sandra Dodd

Open your mind and heart

"Every time I opened my mind and heart to something my kids loved or were passionate about, or just enjoyed, I learned more about my kids and my life, and theirs, became richer."

—Alex Polikowsky

SandraDodd.com/alex
photo by Jennie Gomes

Any child would flourish...

"I think any child would flourish in a loving, supportive, interesting, fun, resource-rich, nurturing, stimulating environment."

—Amy Childs

SandraDodd.com/whocanunschool
(from Amy's podcast series on unschooling)
photo by Chrissy Florence
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In thought and awareness

When someone recommends turning full on toward the child, that means don't keep reading your newspaper or your computer screen. Pause the video. Put down the gardening tools. It doesn't mean stare at the child until he finishes his story. It means to be WITH him, with him in thought, and with him in emotion if needed, and with him in awareness.



SandraDodd.com/eyecontact
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp,
of Adam, Julie and James Daniel
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Look for moments

Karen James wrote:

Look for moments in the day that are good—especially the ordinary moments. Pause and appreciate them when you see them. Let them set the mood for how you move forward. Listen for pleasing sounds. A giggle. A child's breath. Your own heartbeat. Some music. Close your eyes, notice and appreciate those sounds. Find the ones that make you smile. Let your smile soften your mood.

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/badmoment
Original quote from a post at Always Learning, November 26, 2015.
photo by Julie D
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Not enough hands?

Instead of having a rule that kids had to hold my hand in a parking lot, I would park near a cart and put some kids in right away, or tell them to hold on to the cart (a.k.a. "help me push", so a kid can be between me and the cart). And they didn't have to hold a hand. There weren't enough hands. I'd say "Hold on to something," and it might be my jacket, or the strap of the snugli, or the backpack, or something.



SandraDodd.com/toddlers
"Hold on to something" or what?
photo by Sandra Dodd

Quiet reflection

"Please take time for reflection. Take time for your mind to be calm and quiet."

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/calm
photo by Sandra Dodd

"Thank you"

A good project for this season: Maybe send a thank-you note.
Not to me.

Send a thank-you note to someone who has helped you this year, or maybe deliver one by hand to the nicest person at your grocery store, or a neighbor who smiles and waves.

Maybe someone has been nice to you online, and you could send an e-mail or a facebook message.


SandraDodd.com/gratitude
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Other factors

It's hard to explain unschooling, partly because the best answers are "it depends," followed by questions for the parents to consider while they're making their decisions.

It depends on time available, time of day, safety, resources, the effect on other people, need for food or rest, and other factors I can't think of right now.

Some days a certain request would be just perfectly WONDERful to do/pursue, and the same request on another day might be a total flat-out "no" (or a "maybe later, but not during a funeral," or whatever it is).

Getting unschooling is a process. There will be more to get once you're comfortable with the new understandings and behaviors.


SandraDodd.com/depends
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Fill up your family

"You can't give what you don't have," some people say, and if you want your children to give generosity and kindness and patience to others, you should give them so much they're overflowing with it.

It works with respect, too.


SandraDodd.com/spoiledkids
photo by Julie D, of Holly and Adam

Don't hackle or vex

Good policy for the treatment of children, too! Keep all those things in the "bad idea" column, and choose their opposites whenever you can.

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Sandra Dodd

Books? Old books?

The edition of The New York Public Library Desk Reference we have might be a little outdated, but the rules of ice hockey haven’t changed, nor the way in which one addresses a letter to the Pope, nor the date of the discovery of Krypton. (Some of you thought it was just a Superman thing, didn’t you? Nope—1898, the year before aspirin.)

(Before the internet, people had reference books, and even then they seemed like trivia. Trivia can be the interesting door that leads to strange, new knowledge.)

SandraDodd.com/triviality
photo by Sandra Dodd

Ponymania

"My Little Pony" figures and stories have changed over the years, but their contributions to happiness and learning continue to grow.

SandraDodd.com/mlp
photo by Sandra Dodd

An outpouring of love

How can one get from resentment and rigidity to an outpouring of love? Too mushy? It happens.

Making the shift
photo by Sandra Dodd
I first credited Holly. She says she put the rose in the bottle,
but I'm the one who took the photo. It's been a while.

Pay close attention

"Pay close attention to your children. Really see what they are doing, what they are interested in, what they are enjoying, what frustrates them, what they like and what they don't like."

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/karenjames/deschooling
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp
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The important things

Children can only hear "no" so many times before they start to ignore it, so we helped them make good decisions when they were young, and saved "no" for really important things.



SandraDodd.com/teenager
photo by Janine
and it's a link

What matters

I am willing to watch it with her because I know she loves it. I affirm something about her by taking her interest, her pleasure seriously. I let her know she matters by making it clear that she matters to me. —Meredith Novak 10 Nov 2015

SandraDodd.com/respect
photo by Karen James

Easy flow

Jenny Cyphers, on overcoming fears:

If a parent has too many hangups, too many fears, too many issues, that they don't take out and examine, it will destroy what unschooling could be. People can get really wrapped up in fears and "what if's". Sometimes it consumes a person, a parent, a family. Happy, peaceful, unschooling can't flourish in those conditions. Fear creates blocks. Learning needs easy flow. Easy flow can happen naturally unless a person blocks it.

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/fears
photo by Chrissy Florence, the day they saw a mom and baby whale

Happy and comfortable

"What makes your child happy and comfortable?"

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/phrases
photo by Janine Davies

The kids will follow

If you're just starting to homeschool I have a few words of advice: Breathe. Smile. Your kids will be sharing your stress and fear, so move quickly to get over them. Meet experienced homeschoolers and model your practice on families you like and respect. Deschool yourselves, and the kids will follow easily.

SandraDodd.com/pinkcrayons
photo by Sandra Dodd

Sweet surprises

Find a comfortable way to relax into the flow of life, as often as you can, appreciating the sweet surprises along the way.

Round, coming around
photo by Lydia Koltai

Joyfully harmonious

Meredith Novak wrote:

Expecting human relationships—of any kind—to be fair and equitable is a set-up for cynicism and disappointment in the human race. Human beings are marvelously varied in their needs and capabilities. It helps a whole lot to think in terms of needs and capabilities rather than rights or fairness or equality. What more can you do to support the people you love—including yourself? Kindness, grace, and generosity go a lot further toward creating warm relationships and a joyfully harmonious home than measuring out equality.

—Meredith

Being a Happy Mom
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp
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Joy is better

Happiness helps learning. Biochemically, joy is better than dismay. Optimism is better than negativity.

SandraDodd.com/connections
photo by Chrissy Florence

*Time out*

Yesterday's post had the wrong time, so it will be delivered today (for those who subscribe by e-mail—1533 people). Thank you for reading!

The Bayeux Tapestry post on November 2 had the wrong photo credit at first. It was Leon McNeill, not Helene McNeill. Holly caught it in the morning, but the e-mails were already out there.


This is post # 1772 or so. That's quite a few. I missed the fifth anniversary of this blog, in September. If you're reading by e-mail and you wish I had written something different, click the title and you'll be between a randomizer and a set of "You might also like:" photos and links. Even if you've read them all, your own knowledge has grown and your perspective has changed, and what you saw before will look different now.

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Reminder of another blog you might want to subscribe to:
Unschooling Site News, SandraDodd.com
blog-generated selfie by Sandra Dodd, while writing the notes above

Strewing

Strewing:

Literally, scattering something out, like rose petals or herbs or straw on a medieval floor.

Figuratively, leaving interesting things out where they will be discovered.
SandraDodd.com/terminology
photo by Sandra Dodd, of Australian things Schuyler saved to show me
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