A better place

If by "change the world" a person means "make the world better," then step #1 must be to decide right then not to make the world worse.



SandraDodd.com/philosophy
photo by Lisa Jonick

A lot of DOING

I think unschoolers should let their kids do what they want all day in an attentive and enriched environment.

The parents should be facilitators of natural learning, providing new and interesting things for their kids to experience, being supportive of their children's interests, providing them materials and experiences with music, food, art, materials...

It's a lot of DOING, and being, and learning, for years and years.

SandraDodd.com/neglect (cheery neglect)
photo by Sandra Dodd, of Robbie Prieto's Viking ship

Avoiding roadblocks

[While I was in La Leche League] I learned that children have within them what they need to know, and that the parent and child are a team, not adversaries. It reinforced the idea that if you are loving and gentle and patient that children want to do what you ask them to do, and that they will come to weaning, potty training, separation from mom, and all those milestones without stress and without fear if you don't scare them or stress them! Seems kind of obvious, but our culture has 1,000 roadblocks.

SandraDodd.com/calm
photo by Sandra Dodd
of a pretty wooodpile in Laurie Wolfrum's yard

Experiencing, sensing

I am so certain that learning comes from experiences and touching, hearing, seeing, smelling and tasting that in light of natural learning, books seem flat and dry.

quote from page 148 of The Big Book of Unschooling (page 161 of newer edition)
photo by Chrissy Florence

Art about art

[In 2009...] When Holly and I got back from having seen Lady in the Water, I told Kirby and Marty "It's a fairy tale about fairy tales. It's a movie about movies."

I guess that idea was still in my head when I wrote "This is art about art. These are cartoons about cartoons" (about a Strongbad cartoon called "Japanese Cartoon").


SandraDodd.com/artaboutart
Art by Naolito

Brave, happy Barbie

"Parents are afraid of a plastic doll that is not real, and kids know it—but what really damages a child's self esteem and body image is a parent comparing, critiquing, complaining and dissing their own body (or someone else's body)."

—Alex Polikowsky

SandraDodd.com/barbie
photo by Robyn and Jayne Coburn

Learning to see differently

If beginners don't go through a phase in which they REALLY focus on seeing learning outside of academic formalities, they will not be able to see around academics.

SandraDodd.com/peace/newview
photo by Lisa Jonick

Look in a new way

"There's more to unschooling than just not doing school. To make it flourish we need to look at ourselves, our relationship, the way we look at the world in a new way to clear out the thinking that's holding us back."

—Joyce Fetteroll

The danger of "Lazy" and other thoughts
photo by Sandra Dodd

Whole and attentive

Being a good unschooling parent involves being a good person, a good parent. Unschooling can't work unless the parent is there, whole and attentive and not screwing it up.

SandraDodd.com/issues
photo by Sandra Dodd

Calm down

"If I could go back in time, I'd tell myself to calm down and worry less, not pander to anyone else's ideals and I'd trust my kid alot more." —Lea Tapp

SandraDodd.com/hindsight
photo by Sandra Dodd

Talking and thinking and being

More people talk about peace than think about it. Many people are full of peaceful platitudes, and fury that others aren't "peaceful" to their specifications or fantasies.

SandraDodd.com/peace
photo by Sandra Dodd

Wisdom

Rejoice when your child surpasses you in skill, knowledge or wisdom.

Nearly a quote, from SandraDodd.com/empowerment
photo by Sandra Dodd

Open, windows; open, doors

Be open to seeing what you see, out the window. Be open to finding what you find, out the door.

SandraDodd.com/learning
photo by Sandra Dodd

Life flows

Liquids flow, life flows, ideas flow, learning flows. Sometimes things don't flow smoothly, or don't flow freely, or flow where we don't want them to flow, or freeze up altogether. Parents can accept, acknowledge and appreciate flow, or they can block, knock and wreck it.

SandraDodd.com/flow
photo by Sandra Dodd

Something different

What's "same old" to you will be different or new to visitors and children. Something you see all the time might be worth a closer look.

SandraDodd.com/wonder
photo by Sandra Dodd, 2015

Factors and etiquette

Thoughtful decision making involves considering as many factors as you can. No rule can be applied in every place and at all times. There will be special cases, and times to put courtesy and etiquette before any other considerations.

SandraDodd.com/foodrules
photo by Sandra Dodd

"Just now"

from a talk on May 9 (2015) about choices,
finding balance, and living in the present moment:

"Just right" and "just now" are things you should pay attention to.

SandraDodd.com/moment
photo by Holly Dodd, of bubbles in India

Other unschooling families

Whether in person or at a distance, online, it can be helpful to know other unschooling families. Seeing how others handle everyday or unusual situations, how they amuse themselves and comfort one another, can make it easier to understand and relax.

SandraDodd.com/friend
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp

Variable speeds

Time is fast, time is slow. A moment can seem like an hour, or a day can pass in a blink. Joy can make time flow smoothly. Make the best of most of your moments.

SandraDodd.com/time
photo by Sandra Dodd

More positive, more nurturing

Commentary on it being bad advice for a stranger to say "follow your heart":

Making a "feeling" decision can not only bring down the family and bring down the child's opportunities, but it doesn't help the parent to lay out their own wounds to dry.

Logic is good.

So if a parent knows that she wants to be kinder, gentler, more positive, more nurturing, there are things that she can do—little changes she can make and decisions she can make that lead her toward that. And "follow your heart" is not a good one.

Unschooling Support: Extras with Sandra Dodd (recording and transcript)
photo by Sandra Dodd

Ways to support interests

Where some parents might brush off the very idea of pursuing a certain interest, unschooling parents will really try to find ways to support it, even if we can't jump in full-on right away.

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/yesagain has examples
photo by Sandra Dodd

Following a trail

Learning, collections, connections and humor can all meet when an interest is followed. This one I picked up from Marty's childhood interest in Leonardo Da Vinci.I bought a couple of nice t-shirts for Marty, a poster of inventions, a book, and we came to notice lots of riffs and parodies.

That "oooh, LOOK!" behavior was a large part of interacting and learning, when my kids were young. We still share images, music, movies and trivia now that they're grown.
SandraDodd.com/vitruvianman
image lifted, as one of several variants at the link above

Visions and knowledge

I didn't know how much children could learn without reading, until I immersed myself in unschooling and my children's lives.

As their reading ability unfolded and grew, I learned things I never knew as a teacher, and that I wouldn't have learned as an unschooling mom had they happened to have read “early.” Reading isn't a prerequisite for learning. Maps can be read without knowing many words. Movies, music, museums and TV can fill a person with visions, knowledge, experiences and connections regardless of whether the person reads. Animals respond to people the same way whether the person can read or not. People can draw and paint whether they can read or not. Non-readers can recite poetry, act in plays, learn lyrics, rhyme, play with words, and talk about any topic in the world at length.

SandraDodd.com/unexpected
photo by Holly Dodd, from inside an auto-rickshaw

Being and providing

Being the sort of parent you wish you had had, and providing an environment you would like to have had as a child, is probably the easiest and most direct way to move toward being a good unschooler.

photo by Janine
words by Sandra, in a fleeting context

Trust and faith

Trust and faith are the most powerful tools parents of teens have. Too many parents squander those trying to control toddlers and young children.

SandraDodd.com/trust
photo by Sandra Dodd

That "French poodle" voice

Even the nicest of words can be ruined if they're spoken in a condescending, treacly way. It's not bad for infants, and it's great for French poodles. It's that talking-to-a-French-poodle voice, and the thoughts that go with it, that should be avoided when parents are talking to their children.

SandraDodd.com/tone
photo by Sandra Dodd
Note about treacle: In the UK they make a small pie called "treacle tart." It's like pecan pie without any pecans. Sounds like "tree," not "tray." Needs pecans. Just sayin'...

Note about the photo: Nothing to do with the quote; one of our catalpa trees blooming, a different year. Click it for more info.

If everything counts...

So what IS trivia, then? For school kids, trivia is (by definition) a waste of time. It’s something that will not be on the test. It’s “extra” stuff. For unschoolers, though, in the wide new world in which EVERYTHING counts, there can be no trivia in that sense.

SandraDodd.com/triviality
photo by Sandra Dodd

Best uses

Everything is turned to its best use and highest good insofar as we’re able. We appreciate people who can share knowledge, ideas and stories with us. We seek out interesting “scenic routes” in real and figurative ways. Our days are full and our learning is unmeasured and immeasurable.

SandraDodd.com/sustainable
photo by Chrissy Florence

Critical thinking

"Just because there's more than one truth
doesn't mean there's no such thing as bullshit."

—Sandra Dodd

You can quote it but don't steal it.
In the dozen years since I first wrote it,
nothing has occurred to change my mind.
Balance
and
How Parents can Learn
photo of Holly and Sandra and some fictional characters, by Kelli Traaseth, 2007

Gather and glean

I've always felt strongly that unschooling should be about the ideas and not about the individuals. No one book, website, speaker or conference should try to be (nor be expected to be) everything for anyone, but unschooling parents should gather and glean what they can from all the real world around them. We don't need to all agree, or all be on the same list or at the same conference for families to learn and grow with unschooling.

SandraDodd.com/speakingLnL
photo by Karen James

Make decisions

'Self discipline' is like 'self regulation.' It's still about discipline and rules. How and why should one discipline and regulate oneself, when decision making in the light of compassion and goodness will work much better?


SandraDodd.com/self-regulation
photo by Julie D

Make it ALL learning!

If a person's life is compartmentalized into learning and not learning, then they have a part of them that is "not-learning."

"Not learning"
photo by Sandra Dodd
(click to enlarge)