Another casual part of life

To call some food "junk" is an artificial division. When food is given the status of a religion (the place where sacrifices are made to ensure a positive outcome and long/eternal life), then there IS the necessity of a devil/Satan/"the dark side."

When food is just another casual part of life, kids will choose melons over biscuits/cookies and chocolate eggs sometimes.

When a child is loudly, ceremoniously and with a big happy-face NOT ALLOWED to be in the presence of the devil/sweets, then if and when he is lured by that satanic force, he will either resist out of fright instilled by his loving mother, or he will succumb, indulge, and be one giant step away from his mother—morally, emotionally and dietarily.

SandraDodd.com/eating/junk
photo by Tammy
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Positive and sweet

Find beauty and hope wherever it can be found. Say and think sweet things about your children. If people can be positive and sweet, it doesn't matter so much where they do it. Being better is better.

Deposit the good stuff.
photo by Jesper Conrad
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An aha! moment

Sylvia Woodman wrote:

When I first started going to LLL (La Leche League) meetings there was one mom (not a leader) in the group who was very gung-ho about boycotting Nestle and other companies who were connected with evil formula companies.

And I remember so vividly the leader very gently saying something to the effect that she could never keep track of all the companies she was not supposed to support and she found it much simpler to just spend time every day supporting moms who wanted to breastfeed and that eventually that would have a greater and more positive effect on the world she lived in.

It was an aha! moment—don't focus on the negative or how awful the situation is—take small steps toward positive change. Denying my kids Nestle chocolate isn't going to bring the formula industry to its knees. But helping my neighbor who just had a new baby, bringing her a meal or unloading her dishwasher are small things that I can do that will make a huge difference for my neighbor.

—Sylvia Woodman

SandraDodd.com/factors
photo by Sandra Dodd

Happier and more positive

When people ask about being happier and more positive, the answer can't help but be the same. BE happier. BE positive.

But as with any accounting (think a bank account), withdrawals deplete your reserves. Every negative word, thought or deed takes peace and positivity out of your account.

Cynicism, sarcasm—which some people enjoy and defend—are costly, if your goal is peace. Biochemically / emotionally (those two are separate in language, but physically they are the same), calmer is healthier. I don't know of any physical condition that is made better by freaking out or crying hard or losing sleep or reciting fears. I know LOTS of things that are made better—entire lives, and lives of grandchildren not yet born—by thoughtful, mindful clarity.

It's okay for mothers to be calm. There are plenty of childless people to flip out. Peek out every few days, from your calm place, and check whether their ranting freak-out is making the world a more peaceful place. If not, be grateful you weren't out there ignoring (or frightening) your children while helping strangers fail to create peace from chaos.

SandraDodd.com/factors might be helpful.

SandraDodd.com/issues might, too.

Source of writing, on facebook
photo by Karen James

Finding contentment

When a mom is stressed and can't find the equilibrium to start in a calm place with her kids, I suggest that she not watch the local news. Breathe. Find positive things to see, listen to, think about. No one can do that and still post fright and doom. Nor even keep reading fright and doom.

It takes the mom's head and heart to dark places. It stirs the mom's emotions and can bring adrenaline in people thousands of miles from the problem. Adrenaline junkies can always find another problem to keep them on the edge, but their milk doesn't taste as good as a mom who is calm and thinking peaceful thoughts. They will use up their excitement on distant things instead of finding their child's discoveries the best thing of the day.
. . . .

The damage done by negativity is a knowable thing. If the mother can't find contentment, she has none to share with her children.

Slightly edited from SandraDodd.com/sharingnegativity
photo by Tara Joe Farrell

Happiness is helpful

Katy Jennings, when her son was twelve, about not requiring chores:

Another thing that was recommended that has really helped me is finding Joy in cleaning up.... Choosing to do housework with a positive attitude really helped me, my outlook, my happiness—and more importantly helped Richard be happier. And when he is happier, he helps me more🙂, though really wasn't my goal.

When the kitchen is clean, Richard is much more likely to rinse his plate, but if the sink is full of dishes, he just adds it to the pile. One trick for the kitchen that works in my house, keep a sink full of soapy water, it is ok if it gets cold. Dishes used throughout the day can just be tossed into the soapy water. Then when it is time to do the dishes they have already soaked and the job is easy. If the water gets too nasty that is ok too, make a new batch of soapy water or just use dishsoap on a cloth to wash then as you take them out of the water. I love paper plates too. I am kind of a tree hugger, so that used to bother me. Not anymore though. My son is more important. Also I live in a desert and doing dishes takes water that we need to conserve! 🙂

Katy Jennings
Alamogordo, New Mexico

SandraDodd.com/chores/shift
photo by Sandra Dodd

Learning All the Time

One of the filmmakers sent this to me in 2009, with this note:

I have recently made a film showing autonomous home ed in action.

My own son and a friend's son have an interest in movie making and wanted to do a free course which became available locally. As part of their learning they learned how to conduct interviews (which you will see on film) and which were totally unscripted. The children interviewed each other and us. I was also involved in filming and took responsibility for the editing which created the finished product. You see me on film talking about the dilemma of filming a process which is internal and which goes on all the time anyway! Other footage was filmed at a couple of home ed meets where, again, nothing scripted or staged took place, I simply filmed the children being their natural selves. I think what comes through is a strong sense of freedom and joy. Reactions over here have been very positive and I would like, if possible, for the film to be seen by unschoolers across the water.


SandraDodd.com/learningallthetime
The filmmakers and families, in South Wales, preferred to be nameless

Good reasons to be positive

Since my kids weren't going to have teachers at school to validate their interests or to introduce them to things I "hated," I decided not to hate anything, and to leave as much of the world accessible to my kids without them feeling they were messing with something I didn't like, or asking about something I disapproved of.

When I reject something from my life, it closes doors, in my head, and in my soul. I can't make connections there anymore. I have eliminated it from active play. It's not good for unschoolers.

Everyone has the freedom to be negative. Not everyone has thought of good reasons to be more positive.

Becoming more open
photo by Gigi Polikowsky

Solid and reliable

Integrity is a strong wholeness. The fabric of the being of a thing can't be broken. A bucket with one hole in it is lacking integrity. It's not a good bucket. A frayed rope lacks integrity. No matter how long or strong the rest of the rope is, that frayed part keeps it from being a good rope.. . . .

It's exactly why every person who hopes to have a positive influence on any other person needs to figure out how to find and maintain as much integrity as possible.

SandraDodd.com/integrity
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Be sweet and soft

Once a mom came and said she was having a hard time being present with her children. She wrote:

I hate it, and feel like I'm missing out on so many sweet, little moments, but it is so hard for me to be fully present, almost like I can't control it.

I responded:

Well don't hate it. Hate's no good. And you can't "control it." It might be easier to see it as a series of choices, with lots of chances to zone out, and lots of opportunities to focus back in.

People zone in and out all the time. It's not a sin. Live lightly. That's good for your children, if you can come back as easily as you slipped momentarily away, and if you're not hardened with self-recrimination and hate.

SandraDodd.com/negativity

Be sweet and soft, for your children.

Now, 11 years later, I have a page called "positivity," though both pages are about making choices that take one incrementally toward the more positive.
SandraDodd.com/positivity
photo by Lydia Koltai

The way we live, the way we think

Lyle Perry wrote:

I know how scary it is to think about letting go of what's 'normal', and I know it seems impossible to think about your kids learning on their own, but it's all very possible. More than possible. It's waiting to happen. It's happened for us, and we were as 'normal' as anyone else.

Unschooling has had an incredibly positive impact on our lives, and not only in an educational aspect, but in everything we do. It's changed the way we live, the way we think, and the way we look at the world in general.

SandraDodd.com/lists/lyle
photo by Sandra Dodd, of artistry by Irene Adams
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Better now

The second you have a positive attitude, even fleetingly, your life is better, right then.

SandraDodd.com, any page
photo by Sandra Dodd, a library in Bangalore
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More peaceful, more loving

If you can envision the kind of relationship and the life of learning you want to have, then every time you make a choice, choose the one that takes you nearer to that goal. Learn to make many choices a day and choose the more peaceful, more loving options whenever you can. Choose to make your life more positive, and less negative.

SandraDodd.com/video/doright.html
(video and transcript)
Related info: Better Choice
photo by Cátia Maciel

Let the light shine

It's easy (and well-rewarded by positive attention from other adults), in some circles, to be controlling parents.

Probably everyone reading this knows that, but unschoolers have figured out ways to step away, just far enough to let the light shine on options and choices.

Confidence can grow when unschooling starts working well, and everything seems clearer when it's happening at your house, and not theoretical.

SandraDodd.com/confidence
photo by Diane Marcengill

Positive, inspired, happy

Ripandeep Saran wrote:

When I was 14 years old, I asked the leader of the Sikh ashram I was visiting what to do when I am feeling blue and he told me the scriptures advise meditation, service and giving gratitude. He told me that it is also the same advice for when you are happy.

This all helps me keep my cup full. That is what works best for me - keeping my cup full of positive, inspired, happy energy as much as possible. Life has its ups and downs, but I like to focus more on the ups and put myself in the best possible position to help myself out when I am down. I am more sensitive than most people, and I feel very deeply. If I had not learned early in life how to deal with my lows, life might not have been as wonderful as it has been.

—Ripandeep Saran
(a.k.a. Rippy Dusseldorp)

The quote is from SandraDodd.com/mentalhealth2

but I also saved it at SandraDodd.com/cup
photo by Marta Venturini

Practical positivity

From a half-secret page on mental health (my writing, Marta's collection):

If a person with marked highs and lows gets too involved with depressing politics or scary or sad this'n'that, or doesn't gather a tool box of self-soothing thoughts and behaviors (breathing, walking, sending birthday cards and thank you cards to other people, singing, playing sports—different sets for different people, but some positive, uplifting habits), the low can turn to a depression that isn't easy to rise out of, and can be nearly impossible to function from.

SandraDodd.com/mentalhealth2
photo by Linda Wyatt

Step toward learning

Confidence in unschooling can't come from other people's accounts. It can only come from seeing one's own children relaxing into learning effortlessly through play, conversations, observations, a rich life.

"Facing fears" sounds scary, intimidating and negative. Stepping toward learning is much more positive. Being with children is easy; they're already right there. Move toward them, instead of milling around with fears and vulnerability.

SandraDodd.com/confidence
photo by Denaire Nixon
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Being a good parent

Being a good parent is not martyrdom. It's this: Being (in essence, in life, in thought, in action) a good (not bad, not average, but quality/careful/positive) parent.

---

I don't know where I first wrote it, but Karen James saved and shared it in 2012.
Becoming the Parent You Want to Be is a fair match.
photo by Belinda Dutch
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Positive and beautiful

Alex Polikowsky wrote:

Fear of electromagnetic waves? What if I tell you they are everywhere and that even earth has it?? (hey I am a huge Aurora Borealis aficionado!!)

Living with all this fear is not fun and it is anxiety inducing. Anxiety is a terrible state for you or your child to live in. Learning thrives when there is peace and safety.

Feeling unsafe because your library has wifi and making life about the dangers around is a soul sucking way to live for your children and for yourself.

Surround yourself with all that is positive and beautiful including amazing wifi!

—Alex Polikowsky

SandraDodd.com/radiation
photo by my neighbor, Linda G., visiting Iceland

Food without evil

When food is given the status of a religion (the place where sacrifices are made to ensure a positive outcome and long/eternal life), then there IS the necessity of a devil/Satan/"the dark side." When food is just another casual part of life, kids will choose melons over biscuits/cookies and chocolate eggs sometimes.

SandraDodd.com/sacrifice/
photo by Trevor Parker, later edited by Holly Dodd
(click it)