Half-sacred

When a mom comes along all indignant about what she "has to do" for her kids and what she is "NOT going to do" for her kids, I take half-perverse, half-sacred pleasure in asking her, once she winds down, what if she had a child who was unable to walk, or get out of bed, or put on his own socks, ever.

Quote is from a text-chat on
Chores, Serving others as a gift, tales of kids helping out voluntarily

Another good place to read would be "have to" (about choices)
photo by Rosie Moon

Snowbanks and socks

Colleen Prieto wrote:

I was thinking the other day about husbands and chores and how many people I've heard say that it shouldn't be their job to pick up after their husband. I never thought of picking up my husband's things as being my cleaning up after him - I've only thought of it as cleaning our house. Does it matter whose laundry or dishes they are? Does he shovel only his own side of the driveway and leave me to climb snowbanks to get to my side of the car? Dividing things yours-and-mine, even socks, in one's internal thoughts doesn't seem to add much happiness.

—Colleen Prieto

quote from Chores, Serving others as a gift, tales of kids helping out voluntarily
but another good link would be
Why 50/50 is a problem
photo by SandraDodd
of Ester Siroky's kitchen, one day

Choosing to

I think the elimination of "have to" is the first step toward peace.

Thinking you "have to" do the dishes feels oppressive and entrapping.

Realizing you don't "have to" is freeing.

Only then can you choose to do your dishes.

The best way to make it easier is to see it as a gift given in joy, rather than "a chore" done in resentment.

It's a huge investment in the future, to be generous today.


Chores, and serving others as a gift
(a chat transcript)
photo by Sandra Dodd

Generosity, good will and good humor

About kids not helping with chores, in 2004 (are kids still that way!?):

I wrote:

If you're not really generous with them, they won't be likely to be really generous with you.

That mom responded:

I know this is true, but a lot of times it feels like I'm expected to have an unending supply of generosity, goodwill and good humor.

Me/Sandra:

I think that should be your goal. If you're willing to not have help, then any help you have is more likely to be seen as a gift instead of not enough.

Joyce Fetteroll:

If our children help, we should treat it as a generous gift. (And the more we treat it as a generous gift, the more often they're likely to give.)

I like the set of parental gifts that mom came up with. If you are a parent, try to generate and maintain a generous supply of good will and good humor.

The original question and discussion,
and part 2 and then 3, if that's fun
photo by Jo Fielding
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Joy and service

When you do things, look for the joy and service in them, and your life will be softer and more meaningful.


SandraDodd.com/service

SandraDodd.com/chores/gift

photo by Sandra Dodd, of ice as a bathtub toy

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Dividing is divisive

"I was thinking the other day about husbands and chores and how many people I've heard say that it shouldn't be their job to pick up after their husband. I never thought of picking up my husband's things as being my cleaning up after him—I've only thought of it as cleaning our house. Does it matter whose laundry or dishes they are? Does he shovel only his own side of the driveway and leave me to climb snowbanks to get to my side of the car? Dividing things yours-and-mine, even socks, in one's internal thoughts doesn't seem to add much happiness." —Colleen Prieto

Chores, Serving others as a gift, tales of kids helping out voluntarily
(a chat transcript)
photo by Janine

Joy and service

When you do things, look for the joy and service in them, and your life will be softer and more meaningful.

SandraDodd.com/service
SandraDodd.com/chores/gift
photo by Sandra Dodd, of ice as a bathtub toy

Turning the negative to positive

Schuyler Waynforth wrote, a few years ago:

"Last night I was putting away clothes to get beds ready to be slept in. I was grouchy and tired and feeling put upon. It was only a burden, only a chore. But this morning when Linnaea got dressed she was wearing a shirt that I'd folded last night and put away. She wouldn't have known that she could wear that shirt if I hadn't taken the time to put it were it was easy to find. And so it changed from being burden and chore to being a gift that I gave her, which washed away all the resentment I felt last night."

SandraDodd.com/chores/gift
photo by Sandra Dodd