Not following a script

Sandra Dodd to Pam Sorooshian, in a sort of group interview:

You've been communicating closely with all kinds of homeschoolers, not just unschoolers, for a long time now. Thinking back to the best of them and the families in which things were strong and good, what traits in the parents or families do you think helped most?

Pam Sorooshian:

Hmmm - the best of them.... I think it is that they aren't treating their kids the way they think they are "supposed to," but are looking clear-eyed at their own real children and treating them as the individuals they are. I mean - they aren't following a script. They are authentic. They don't punish a kid because they have some idea that "kids need to be punished" - they think about what their own real standing-in-front-of-them kid is probably feeling and thinking and they respond to that reality. How many times have we seen a parent yell or be harsh with a kid that was already upset? Without regard to what was upsetting them.

Parents who get really in touch with their kids - who let themselves think what their kids are thinking - who aren't afraid to imagine what their kids are REALLY feeling and thinking...... those are the good ones.

Sometimes I'm amazed at what parents tell themselves that their own kids are thinking or feeling. The really awful ones make all kinds of terrible assumptions about kids' intentions.

—Pam Sorooshian
2009

Chat with Pam Sorooshian
photo by Cátia Maciel

Direct seeing

As long as you look for what is and isn't authentic you'll be missing what is actually happening.

SandraDodd.com/authentic
photo by Marty Dodd, in Anchorage

Thoughtful and mindful

I don't like the term "authentic," of human behavior. It suggests that all those doing anything differently are false, inauthentic, wrong.

If it means being thoughtful and mindful, those are much better terms and concepts to use. If it means living by principles and making careful decisions rather than stumbling along following vague rules, then let's talk about living by principles. But "authenticity" is a false clarity. It's not as real as it sounds.

SandraDodd.com/issues/authenticity
photo by Karen James

Healthy and useful

Learning and changing is fun. It's healthy. It's useful.

SandraDodd.com/authentic
photo by Gail Higgins

Positively joyful

Deb Lewis wrote:

Someone once suggested that having a joyful life as one of my goals was potentially damaging to my son because he wouldn't have an "authentic" experience (or something like that). I said I was willing to risk those terrible dangers.

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/positivity
photo by Sarah S.

Happy connectedness

Sue Sullivan wrote, of joy:

It is clear to me now that happiness—or the lack of it—is a deliberate practice—a cumulative impact from dozens of daily choices over days, weeks, months and years. I didn't mean to become unhappy, so disconnected from my deeper wants and needs. I just believed the many, many voices in my head about how I "should" behave until I couldn't hear my most authentic self anymore. . . . .
Seeking joy is my mantra now and joy for all human beings includes feeling deeply connected to other humans and feeling creative and self-actualized, so plenty of so-called work for others gets done, but in a spirit of happy connectedness, instead of burdensome obligation.

—Sue Sullivan

More, in greater context, halfway down
SandraDodd.com/joy2
photo by Julie D