Live Lightly

Lighten up.

Live Lightly.

Real Learning
photo by Sandra Dodd

See also:
Light on light; Sources of light; and Sun, or Moon, or Fire

Fly when ready

The words are mine (Sandra Dodd's), but I was speaking rather than writing.

I’ve talked to kids who said they were so scared and stressed when they were 17, because they knew when they turned 18, their parents were going to start charging them rent, or throw them out, or if they didn’t go to the university, they should go to the military—all this huge pressure to get... to get out. You are done now; we're done.

So people hadn’t considered that they could totally avoid that, that that would be a natural offshoot of radical unschooling.

Keith and I did think, early on, we said what we are doing is inoculating our kids against the trait of some, or the fact of some kids leaving with the first person who says “Hey baby, you wanna live with me?” or “Oh, let’s go get a house”, or, you know, that sort of energy of young people luring other young people out and away, to other states, to other places, to dangerous neighborhoods. We said "It’s going to have to be a pretty good offer to beat what they have at home."

And so that becomes a safety factor too. If the children know that they can stay at home, then someone who comes and says, "Hey do you want come do something with me? Do you want to come live with me?"—it better be a good offer.

Recording and transcript: SandraDodd.com/familybonding
photo by Karen James

Receiving Light by mail...

Some of you should be seeing an improved mailing. Our replacement for the longtime "feedburner" was not as clean or as pretty as Just Add Light and Stir needs. Having heard what I liked, wanted, and wished for, Vlad Gurdiga has created his own subscription system.

One hundred subscribers have been moved to the new program as a test. I missed this year's anniversary (September 2), but Just Add Light and Stir is over 11 years old now! Thank you for reading, and I hope that soon every subscriber will have a more beautiful e-mail to open each day.

Without Vlad's generous help, much of our long-collected unschooling information would be unavailable. I'm very grateful.

Gratitude
photo by Tara Joe Farrell

Language and thoughts

Watch your language, because then you wlll see thought processes you might not have seen otherwise.

Watch your thoughts, because without doing that you can't really learn to choose better reactions.

Sandra, in a discussion, 2007
photo by Brie Jontry

Even better...

Here's a misuse of "just," from 2004. We were talking about principles over rules, regarding teens going out with friends, and the possibility of living without solid curfews. I wrote:

"When things are handled matter-of-factly and the kids KNOW the parents love them and will be there for them, a lot of the air of danger and urgency just dissipate."

It's way too late, but I wish I had written "can dissipate." For one thing, there's no guarantee. Also, if it happens, it's not casual magic.

If trust and love do bring feelings of safety and calm choices into a teen's life, that's solid, and good, and should not be dismissed with "just."

JUST. Just what?
photo by Shan Burton
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P.S. Should've been "dissipates" in the original anyway, for the technical among us. There are discussions in busy moments, and then there are quotes from those, years later.

Very slow movement

Sometimes people make a conscious decision to change. All unschoolers have done that and then worked consciously to create and to stay on a smooth course.

Some people say "I will never change," but you will, because change is what time and life do.

Thoughts on Changing (SandraDodd.com/change)
or
Slight, subtle change
photo by Brie Jontry, of icicles s-l-o-w-l-y sliding off the roof
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Just the right words

Pam Laricchia wrote:

I love writing. The process of throwing down my thoughts and ideas about unschooling onto the page and then rethinking and reorganizing and rewriting and editing until I figured out both what I was trying to say, and just the right words to use so that it made sense to the reader, is exhilarating.

—Pam Laricchia

"Unschooling is Life" has that quote,
though I did change the last part to present tense.
photo by Theresa Larson

In their own natural ways

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

It is natural for people to learn—each in their own way. It is natural for children to want to understand the world around them. They also want to join the adult world and become competent and capable adults themselves. They'll strive for this in their own natural ways. Unschooling parents work on creating a home environment that supports their children's natural desire to learn and grow.

Each child is unique and experiences the world in a different way than any other person and expresses themselves in ways that are different from every other person.

—Pam Sorooshian

I LIVE THEREFORE I LEARN: Living an Unschooling Life
photo by Colleen Prieto
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Stillness

Beautiful moments of stillness and calm are around us all the time. Sometimes we notice.

Look Quietly
photo by Annie Regan, who wrote "Possibly my favourite spot in the whole world.
Cradle Mountain, Tasmania, just on sunrise in this photo"
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Helping casually

No one needs an assembly line to make a single item, nor to educate a single child. Rather than seeing the curriculum and then trying to wrap that around your child, or insert all the parts, it works better to see your child and help him learn as part of a busy life, considering occasionally whether maybe you should introduce other topics into his life, or introduce him to other people, places and things. This can be done casually, though, and doesn't need to be scheduled or methodical.

page 121 of The Big Book of Unschooling (page 110 in first edition)
photo by Chelsea Thurman
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Framing the sky

From inside the house, windows frame the sky. That can be beautiful.

Outside, you might be where trees, or mountains make a border for a cloud show.

Perhaps you see the sun set on water, or desert plants. Maybe familiar buildings are what the sun goes behind, from your point of view.

Don't forget to look, sometimes, at the beauty you can view nearby.

The abundance of possibilities
photo by Janine Davies, in the south east of England

The horizon and beyond

"What you're dealing with is a very well-meaning person who is convinced the world is flat and is worried that you're so clueless that you want to head off across the horizon. It's a lot healthier and more useful to listen to the people who've been across the horizon than to the person who fears it."

—Joyce Fetteroll

The Big Book of Unschooling
(The quote is not from there, but the words and image both remind me of it.)
photo by Renee Cabatic
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Joyful, fearless moment

Right now, it's much more important to live in the moment with your kids, absorb information about who they are and what they like, and present options with joy and free of fear, than to focus on what this will look like when they're grown, or next year, or even next week. Fear and worry transmit to them.

It helped me to remind myself when they were choosing lots and lots of sweets or cakes and I was still afraid it would harm them physically (it never did), that a belly ache is far easier to mend than broken trust.

—Jessica Hughes

SandraDodd.com/eating/balance
photo by Tara Joe Farrell
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Be thoughtful.

Be careful what you get excited about or fearful of. Be thoughtful. Read a little. Try a little. Wait a while. Watch. Not just about unschooling.



Generous, thoughtful, considerate

[the quote is from here]
photo by Gail Higgins

Know what you're asking

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

It's said Alexander the Great founded at least 20 cities named Alexandria. So 2300 years ago if you were to ask someone for directions to Alexandria, you needed to know which you meant before following their directions!

Same with unschooling. To find ideas that will work for you, keep reassessing where you want to go, what you want for your family, what person you want to be rather than heading for "unschooling".

Ask yourself, "Will that idea move toward or away from helping my child explore his interests?" "Will that idea move me toward or away from being a kinder person?"

—Joyce Fetteroll

That is the middle of some longer writing, from a discussion here:
philosophical question on equality of ideas and learning
photo by Brie Jontry

Advice for a newlywed

To have a more peaceful, loving relationship that has the potential to last for a lifetime, don't count and don't measure.

Don't divide anything "fifty/fifty." Forget that concept. Give what you have. Do all you can do. Give/do 80% when you can, but only measure it vaguely, at a squint, and then forget about it. If you aim for half, there will be resentments. If you aim for 100%, small failures will seem larger than they need to be, so don't do that. You can succeed at "lots" without measuring.

If each of you gives as much as you can, your shared needs will be fulfilled more quickly, more easily, and more often.

Be generous with your patience. Life is long. People change, and more than once.
I wrote that for a young friend getting married, and I quoted it here:
Becoming a Better Partner
photo by Vlad Gurdiga
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It's this:

Being a good parent is not martyrdom. It's this: Being (in essence, in life, in thought, in action) a good (not bad, not average, but quality/careful/positive) parent.

---

I don't know where I first wrote it, but Karen James saved and shared it in 2012.
Becoming the Parent You Want to Be is a fair match.
photo by Belinda Dutch
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Transitions

There's something unsettling about transitions. Sit, or stand. Not halfway up. Be single, or be in a relationship, not kind of sort of. But life has gradual changes all the time. We don't want the sun to just come up suddenly, or go down instantly.

Luckily, the sun doesn't change directions, or sit thinking for a few days about whether to continue.

Be patient with yourself and others. Growing and changing are normal parts of natural life.

Thoughts on Changing
photo by Amy Milstein

Changing your security settings

Someone wrote that some people need to feel secure to make a change.

I responded:

Make changes, and then feel more secure. That's easier.

Little changes, like breathing and calming and smiling.
Little changes, like looking for abundance, and being grateful for little changes.


SandraDodd.com/change.html
photo by Lisa J Haugen

Photos can't show it.

Sometimes clouds and mountains make dramatic art of themselves. I wish I could share it with people who live in flatlands, or where they can't see a long way. Photos never show it. Sometimes one provides a breathtaking peek, but when you see a picture of beautiful clouds on mountains, remember that the view was many miles wide and might have gone on up into the sky so high you would fall over backwards trying to see it all.

Caren Knox saved and shared this in 2014. I had posted it without a photo, and will do so again here. Caren matched it with this post, which does have an image: Simply seeing