Many little changes

Regret and remorse, about things that can be rectified and improved, are valuable. If a mom sees even a tiny way she might do better, and she tries that out, and her child smiles or relaxes, maybe she could do it again later that day or the next day. From that new position, she might try one more little change.

How many little changes would move someone from stress and frustration to a more relaxed, a more comfortable place? It can be the very same *physical* place—same kitchen, same car, same bedroom—but can the children feel more at ease? More heard or seen or loved?

Thoughts on Changing
photo by Gail Higgins
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See what you weren't looking for

If you know what you hope to see, you might miss seeing what is showing itself.



Rejecting a Pre-Packaged Life
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Stretchy light and shadow

I like thinking about what something "IS"—as though ideas and things are as solid as elements. Well... solid elements, anyway.

I like this photo. It matches the idea that glass itself is a very slow moving liquid, rather than a solid.


Does the projection show what's in the jar? It's not sticky, or sweet, that color the sun made, in that shadow. We don't know for sure that what was in the jar was sticky or sweet, either, but I'm extrapolating. So much extrapolation, in our lives, about the past, and the present and the future. At least I hope it will light you up, sometimes, and you can cast a long, pretty shadow.

Practice acceptance
photo by Lisa J Haugen

Live lightly with patience

1. Most dangers are temporary. 2. Even clear and lit-up things might cast a shadow. 3. Everything around you is exotic to someone else somewhere else. 4. Many beautiful things lack permanence.

SandraDodd.com/light
photo by Sabine Mellinger

Positivity from dark days

I have had a rough month. I hope yours was better! How can we know what is "rough" and what is "better," though, without considering the range of possibilities, or the variations in our own lives, at least?
March 31 is my wedding anniversary. People might read this afterwards, but in 2019, it's 35 years. And if you read this in 2019, my husband has been in the hospital since March 3. He had three cardiac arrests in one day. He's recovering well, though, which is statistically unexpected. It's easy for me to see this month as "bad." But is that fair? Keith is alive, and is in rehab getting his strength back, and telling me which bills to pay when, and from which account.

There are others reading who are grieving, or afraid, displaced, in dispute with a co-parent. Find the light moments, and the laughter, with your child. Be as soothing as you can be, because soothing them will also soothe you.

Be sweet; be well.
Comparisons and judgments
photo by Amy Milstein

Shadows in the sunshine

I like shadows. They are temporary and insubstantial, yet where I live, they can be a lifesaving break from unrelenting heat, in summer. In winter, they can preserve some snow for a while, when all the rest is gone. That's a lot of strength and power.

So maybe it's the bench, the bars, the beams, the building that so powerfully provide a shade.

Something about this is powerful.

SandraDodd.com/peace
photo by Heather Booth
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Scary shadows

Sometimes children want to puff up and be bigger, and stronger, and braver, than they normally are. Help them play that, if they want to.

Sometimes children want to be a little bit scared, for fun. They might want something spooky. Stay near, and spook them gently. Be quick to change the game if "peek-a-boo" becomes too much.

It's natural for kids to think about power, and fear, and heroics, the same way kittens and puppies play rough.

SandraDodd.com/t/monstermania
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Surprising beauty

Why travel to an art museum when a bus stop can do this?

But it won't do it all day, or every day. Light, projections, shadows, are fleeting, and people aren't always there to see them.

Art museums are good, but art is unfolding all around us.

SandraDodd.com/surprise
photo by Elaine Cambridge

Monstrous fun

Dress-up and make-believe help children learn. Assisting children in their dress-up gives parents opportunities to be skillful and chillful.

Relax and play!

SandraDodd.com/playing
photo by Roya Dedeaux
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Seeing and Doing

Jenny Cyphers wrote:

Go to parks, pick up sticks, ride bikes to new places, swing on the swing differently, make bubbles and blow them in front of a fan. Look at stars at night and try to find constellations, light things on fire with magnifying glass, roast hot dogs for dinner (it's cheap), the possibilities are limitless, but only if you choose to see them.

—Jenny Cyphers

Choose to see abundance
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Confidently build more confidence

Each time you think of something to help them with what they're doing, needing, learning, you become more confident.

Each success builds confidence, and makes it easier to have future success.

from a discussion of "Who Can Unschool?"
photo by Sarah Dickinson
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The up side...

It's easy to think our "up" is everyone's up, and our focus is the obvious way of seeing. Let your children see in their own ways, and if you're lucky they will share with you.

"What's up?" can have a special new meaning.

Thinking and choosing (also upside down)
photo by Karen James

Rich and full

Karen James wrote:

The most wonderful thing (to me) about unschooling is that we can support our children's growth, development, and learning in ways that embrace and nurture who they are as whole people with all their strengths and limitations. Our children can learn to live a rich and full life not in spite of where they fall short, but in celebration of where they find meaning and purpose and useful practice of skills they've come to own through a deeper understanding of who they are and what they care to spend their time and energy doing.

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/karenjames
photo by Hema Bharadwaj

Respect

Karen James:

Your kids will learn to respect you when they come to understand from experience what respect feels like to them.

Sandra Dodd:

It can't happen all at once, but without taking the first steps, and the next, it will never happen.

SandraDodd.com/respect
photo by Amber Ivey
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Gradually building

In our home, everything we do is an opportunity to learn something new or to make a new connection to something familiar, allowing each of us to gradually build on our unique understanding of the world." —Karen James

SandraDodd.com/unseenfuture
photo by Jo Isaac

Real respect

Some people confuse respect and courtesy. Some people confuse nicey-niceness with respect. But real respect changes action and affects decisions.
. . . . Respect can be shown sometimes by being quiet. Sometimes it can be shown by thinking about what someone says and not dismissing it half-heard.

SandraDodd.com/respect/problems
photo by Holly Dodd
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Breathe, open, flush

Change your thoughts so that gratitude is with you all day. Make your decisions with gratitude in mind. Breathe in gratitude when you take a breath to think of what to do next. Open the refrigerator door with gratitude that it's not empty. Flush the toilet with gratitude that you have plumbing.

SandraDodd.com/gratitude
photo by Holly Dodd
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Actually seeing it

Q:  How can families transition from more traditional methods of education to an unschooling approach?

A:  Unschooling involves seeing the world in a different way. Sometimes formal homeschooling families do some deschooling, but when switching to unschooling, more and different deschooling is needed, especially for the parents who have been involved in school and teaching and defending schooling for probably 20 or 30 years. The kids will be ready to unschool before the parents, usually.

It would help to be in contact with other unschoolers at playgroups or on the internet, and to meet unschooling families with children of various ages. It's difficult to imagine it, so it's easier to actually see it.

This new way of seeing the world involves seeing music in history, and science in geography, and art in math, and not talking about it. The last part is the hardest part.

I don't mean never talk about it. I mean don't say "Oooh, look! Science!" Once a person knows science is everywhere, and everything is connected to everything else, there will be nothing to talk about except the topic at hand, or where they're going or what they're seeing. The learning will happen without being labeled and sorted out. The labeling and sorting can prevent learning.

SandraDodd.com/successful
photo by Ester Siroky
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Brighter than I am

One time my neighbor's tree was brighter than the sky.

Sometimes my kids are brighter than I am. The older they get, and the older I get, the more often they outshine me in many ways. I do not mind one bit.

SandraDodd.com/abundance
Photo by Sandra Dodd, in November 2010

What is not a clock?

I do love clocks and calendars and the history of time measurement, but it is good to remember that we are not clocks, and our children are not clocks.


The clock is not hungry
photo by Sandra Dodd, of a sundial in Chichester