Happy, positive and helpful

Deb Lewis wrote, of Scooby Doo:

Freddy, Velma, Daphne, Shaggy and Scoob genuinely care about each other, trust each other....

They handle tough situations with humor. That might inspire someone to think about the value of a happy and positive attitude.

They help people who need help. The people who need help ask for it. These are good things. —Deb Lewis

In Defense of Cartoons
photo by Janine Davies
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A choice is always better

When Kirby was offered a job in another state, including an allowance for his moving expenses, I wanted to be encouraging without seeming to push him out and shut the door. So we promised to leave his room available for a year, in case he wanted to move back. He had taken the furniture and much of his belongings. The room became a video games room for the rest of the family, but it was still "Kirby's room." I felt better knowing he was only tentatively gone. It might have helped him to know that it wasn't "do or die" there, in Austin. He was able to decide whether he liked it enough to stay there, knowing he did have the option to return to his own room at home. A choice is always better than "no choice." We were able to cushion his leaving with a real fallback plan.

The Big Book of Unschooling, page 308 (or 267 if your book is old)
photo by Destiny Dodd, of Kirby a dozen years later

Slowly and patiently

"If a frustrated child is frustrating you, then find ways to eliminate things that frustrate your child. Go more slowly, be more patient in each and every interaction." —Jenny Cyphers

Bonding
photo by Amber Ivey

Right there, right then

Pour kindness and generosity out, and there will be more kindness and generosity right then.

SandraDodd.com/resentment
photo by Chelsea Thurman Artisan

Moments of growth

Some moments seem more important than they are. Other moments are more important than they seem.

We can't guarantee or control much, in the world, so look for the good, and look for the growth.

A moment of peace and sweetness cannot be recreated. Perhaps new ones can be induced, though!

SandraDodd.com/gratitude
photo by Elaine Santana
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Finding a social spot

Humans are social animals, and learn in mixed-age groups, when they learn naturally. A family can create that natural learning environment, or can fail to create it. :-/ Being around other people, though, IF AND WHEN a child wants to learn and is encouraged by parents to learn how to be considerate and sociable, can be a good place to learn "manners"—ways to behave politely.

In school, children are still social animals with the need to identify who might help them, and what their role is within the social structure. The social structure being unnaturally 20+ kids the same age, they figure out who are the leaders and the "young" and they act in accordance with their instincts in an unnatural setting. More adults to—teens, and young adults, and middle-aged, and elderly, behaving in natural real-world ways. TV is better for that than school is. Ideally, a rich unschooled life *IN* the real world is better than either.



photo by Julie D

I can't find where I wrote that, up there, but three people shared it in 2012,
and I still think it's true. —Sandra

Fill yourself up

Generosity makes you generous. Kindness makes you kind. Respecting others, and their ideas and their interests, makes you full of respect—respectful. These are little things that build up quickly.


SandraDodd.com/becoming
photo by Janine Davies
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A house full of "ok"

Our house is really very peaceful. A house full of "no" can't begin to be this peaceful.

Written in 2006 when my kids were teens and all still home,
and shared again on Always Learning in December 2019
photo by Belinda Dutch, of her warm family

Who thinks what?

[For unschooling to work...]
The parents need to be truly interested in their children as people, not just as symbols or irritants or mistakes or property. They need to care more what their children think than what other adults think, and that is very rare in the world.

I don't know where I wrote it, but Tiffani M. shared it on Facebook in 2012.
I'm glad she saved it.
photo by Elise Lauterbach
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The cool thing is...

The cool thing about partners is, if they win you win.

Partnerships and Teams in the Family
photo by Tessa Onderwater
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Accommodations

The more that parents can accommodate children's simple desires, the calmer and happier those children will be.

Nice, and patient
photo by Destiny Dodd

Rational responses

There's a very old joke about a man saying "Doctor, doctor, it hurts when I do this," and the doctor replying, "Well don't do that."

When someone comes to a radical unschooling discussion to complain about their children's response to bedtimes or limits or "having to" read, they won't get the help they think they want. They will get advice to stop doing that. People will point out that the parents' actions and expectations are the problem, and the children's responses are rational and maybe inevitable.

Where is the edge of unschooling?
(quote from page 38 or 41 of The Big Book of Unschooling)
photo by Sarah Dickinson
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Who will you be?

Make the relationship between parent and child the first priority. Don’t have an image in mind of who the child should be. Begin with an image of who you want to be to your child. —Jessica Hughes

SandraDodd.com/being
photo by Chrissy Florence

Quiet depth and energy

Generally, parents and neighbors and friends tend to notice and maybe be impressed by a lot of noise and action and reaction. I'm happy to have learned, gradually, over the past 32+ years, that moving toward quiet acceptance and observation has more depth and energy and connection than a bunch of correction, direction and commentary, from parents to children.

in a discussion on Always Learning
photo by Chrissy Florence

Nicer and more considerate

Being nicer makes one a nicer person.

Being nicer,
more considerate,
makes one a more considerate person.

Being nicer,
more compassionate,
makes one a more compassionate person.

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Marta saved this. I don't know where I wrote it. Thank you, Marta (and others), for saving some of my scraps over the years so I can see them again, and share them.

Being nicer
photo by Destiny Dodd
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"How Important Is It?"

Sometimes in certain meetings* this question is asked: "How important is it?"
Recently at the dentist I was under the effect of nitrous oxide, having wild, flying thoughts, and that question flitted through. I thought the profound answer was "It depends what 'IT' is, and it depends who YOU are."

When the drugs wore off, it seemed less profound, and I thought I would keep it to myself, but the very next day my husband mentioned something being like life and death to some people, and nothing at all to others.

The photo here has the top of the monument cut off, but guess what? It's not a photo of that monument. It's an image of a dad and two daughters, who happened to be within sight of (and within camera frame of) a famous thing when they were interacting with each other so sweetly.

Perspective
photo by Chrissie Florence

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* The "certain meetings" are likely to be Al-Anon or Adult Children of Alcoholics, where people can be hung up on problems they didn't create, or on fixing things they can't fix. It's a good question lots of times, though, when someone is wound up and hyper-focussed on something that can't be fixed right there, right then (or ever) by them.

Every action, an investment

"Knowing what you know, set your husband and his daughters up for peaceful, calm, successful interactions. Think of every action as an investment."

—Karen James

Actions as investments
or
(Longer original, at Radical Unschooling Info on Facebook)
photo by Chrissy Florence

Think well of them

"Think well of them, all the time. Be grateful." —Schuyler Waynforth about partners, but it works for kids

SandraDodd.com/goldcoast
photo by Cátia Maciel

Loving presence

Each child, in the moment, doing something interesting in the presence of a loving parent... that works the same for anyone.

SandraDodd.com/partners/child
Marta Venturini saved this and quoted me in 2012.
photo by Ester Siroky

Gentle, thoughtful touch

Touch someone, or something, in a gentle, thoughtful way. Feel with your fingers, or cheek, or hand the warmth or smoothness or softness of something or someone you love.

SandraDodd.com/babies/infants
Keith, Kirby, Marty and baby Holly Dodd
November 1991