Sharper tools

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

The basic idea of unschooling is that we learn what we need by using it. And that's exactly how kids learn to speak English. Toddlers aren't trying to learn English. They're using a tool (English) to get what they want: which might be juice or a hug or picked up to see better. The English tool is more efficient than other tools they've been using: pointing or crying or wishing. And because English is more efficient, they use it more. And because they use it more, the get better at it. Kids learn English (and everything else) as a *side effect* of living and pursuing what they enjoy.

—JoyceFetteroll

SandraDodd.com/english
photo by Sandra Dodd

Cameras and light

Cameras weren't around, 200 years ago. A hundred years ago, people needed to be very still, to have a photo taken, and they were in black and white. Now, wonderful photos can exist without needing to be printed. That's good! But they are sometimes less permanent than the older, paper images people framed and handed down. Use your cameras, but let images come and go. Pixels, like light, can be beautiful and be gone again.

SandraDodd.com/photographs
photo by Holly Dodd, of herself

Holly is 25

November 2 is Holly's birthday, and in 2016 she's turning 25.
Holly grew up with two older also-unschooled brothers.
Thank you, all who have befriended
and been kind to Holly.

SandraDodd.com/holly
photo by Holly Dodd herself

What's the rush?

I saw an advertisement on the side of some webpage, aimed at me. "Homeschooling," I saw out the corner of my eye. It asked me whether I didn't want to make sure my child was ahead.

"Ahead" of what? Ahead of himself? That's considered a bad thing. "Don't get ahead of yourself," people say.

"Ahead" of other people? What's the rush?

When the traffic is slow on the freeway, sometimes someone will zoom along the shoulder and try to squeeze in. Why? It's not helpful. It's not polite. It's not safe.

My children are grown. They grew slowly, safely, politely, and I've always tried to be helpful. They weren't ahead. They were right where they were, all day, every day. There they still are, where they're used to being. They are themselves, here and now.

SandraDodd.com/being
photo by Sandra Dodd

Whole and functional

It has been a long time since I worried about whether they would grow up whole and functional. They were whole, functional, bright and conversant all along. —Sandra Dodd, in 2006, even less worried in 2016

SandraDodd.com/connections/cocktail
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Lean toward it

You can lean—even without moving—with thoughts and decisions toward where you want to be.

Thanks to Rachel Miller for saving and sharing something I said during a presentation in Texas in April 2014.
photo by Sandra Dodd
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...like it's 1999

This is the 1999th post, and it reminded me of the Prince song. That song came out in 1982, before I had children. It was quite futuristic, right? For most of 18 years, he was singing of something distant.

All the children born before then are adult-aged now. Most of the children of readers of this blog were born in the 21st century, and might need some explanation to appreciate that song.

You're living in history! It's flowing around you and through you.

The very first post, and why
photo by Sandra Dodd, of Holly doing something
more like 1899, but in 2015.

Improving the flow

One of the nicest thing I do for my husband is to withhold criticism. I could (and used to, when we were younger) say too much, comment too much. Letting things go by lets peace and love flow in.

P.S. It works with children, too.

SandraDodd.com/betterpartner
or the same article in German: Bessere Partner werden
(though the quote is from a discussion)
photo by Sandra Dodd (it's a link)
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*Time out*

Yesterday's post had the wrong time, so it will be delivered today (for those who subscribe by e-mail—1533 people). Thank you for reading!

The Bayeux Tapestry post on November 2 had the wrong photo credit at first. It was Leon McNeill, not Helene McNeill. Holly caught it in the morning, but the e-mails were already out there.


This is post # 1772 or so. That's quite a few. I missed the fifth anniversary of this blog, in September. If you're reading by e-mail and you wish I had written something different, click the title and you'll be between a randomizer and a set of "You might also like:" photos and links. Even if you've read them all, your own knowledge has grown and your perspective has changed, and what you saw before will look different now.

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Reminder of another blog you might want to subscribe to:
Unschooling Site News, SandraDodd.com
blog-generated selfie by Sandra Dodd, while writing the notes above

Special moments

Special moments can be planned or accidental, funny or profound. Sometimes there's a photo. Sometimes there will be just words, or a quiet memory. Plan a few, and be open to the unexpected.

Holly is ten years older now than she was on the day she saw the Bayeux Tapestry so closely, and her host-dad caught her profile. I'm glad to have this photo of Holly seeing something wonderful.

May you have many special moments, and many more of quiet, normal, peaceful nothing-so-special moments with those you love.

photo by Leon McNeill, of Holly Dodd, in 2005

Making contact

When I say my kids make good eye contact, I mean GOOD eye contact, not constant or inappropriate eye contact. There's such a thing as too little, and such a thing as too much. Looking at the thing the other person is talking about, or holding her hand and looking at her hand, or brushing her hair and only glancing at her face once in a while could be way more helpful.

SandraDodd.com/eyecontact
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Succesful and happy

"In my mind, partnering with kids isn't about having them be In Charge—and it isn't about having parents be In Charge—it's working together, with the more experienced partner (the parent) taking the initiative to help days (and nights!) be successful and happy."

—Colleen Prieto

Child-led? Problem...

Who's in Charge?
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Waiting for proof?

Schuyler Waynforth wrote, some years ago:

If I'd decided to wait until a respected research body verified what people on lists like this are sharing from their own lives, Simon and Linnaea would be in school and our lives wouldn't be filled with the learning that happens just being us. And it will never be verified, because it is something that takes a single-mindedness of purpose that I would never have thought I was capable of. Which means that it isn't something that everyone can do. Not because they aren't necessarily capable of it, although that may be the case for some, but because they don't have as their goal "to help a child be who she is and blossom into who she will become."

—Schuyler

SandraDodd.com/proof
self-portrait of two Hollies by Holly Dodd
and it's a link
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All over the place

Children learn when they're not with parents, too! They're learning all the time, all over the place.

SandraDodd.com/mha
photo by James Daniel
of Holly Dodd in 2009 at Rex Features office in London,
delivering 1967 David Bowie artifacts to be photographed

Lots of jobs you forgot about

"I was a picture framer for ten years before we moved to the US. I loved that job. I got to frame so many objects, including a snowboard, a wedding dress and a gun from the US civil war—first time I had ever held any of those items in my hands. I got to handle and look up close on many wonderful works of art, and hear so many stories about why different things were meaningful to different people. Children's art was some of my favourite to frame." —Karen James

This is just one of LOTS of stories on a page with a list of a couple of hundred jobs people can ease into by volunteering or on-the-job learning or by becoming certified while doing related work. Reading there will give you other ideas, and stories to tell, and friends to remember.

SandraDodd.com/jobs
foot-pedal self-portrait of Sandra and a quilt made by Lori Odhner,
and it's a link

Pleasantly surprised

I was asked:

Did your kids have rules like bedtimes, no candy before dinner ... that sort of thing?

I wrote:

We didn't have those rules, but our kids went to bed every night and didn't eat candy before dinner. It seems crazy to people who believe that the only options are rules or chaos, but our children slept when they were sleepy, and ate when they were hungry (or when something smelled really good, or others were eating), and I was pleasantly surprised to learn that they were able to know what their bodies needed. I grew up by the clock, up at 6:30, eat quickly, bus stop, school, wait until lunch, eat, wait until dinner, go to bed. I had no idea that sleep and food could be separated from a schedule like that, but they can be.

Not so crazy after all
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Trust and faith

Trust and faith are the most powerful tools parents of teens have. Too many parents squander those trying to control toddlers and young children.

SandraDodd.com/trust
photo by Sandra Dodd

Am I doing enough?

Karen James wrote:

I asked the same question a few years back. I got an excellent, but unexpected reply. I was told if I thought I wasn't doing enough, then to do more. Now, if our unschooling days start to feel a bit stale to me, I try to make them lively again by using what I know about my son to introduce something(s) fresh to our experience. Doing this has never lead me astray. It might take me in a completely different direction from what I had in mind, but, to me, that's a big part of the fun of this life.

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/enough
photo of Holly Dodd, by someone with her camera, in 2008

Joy and Ease

If the goal is to know everything, and if each person's internal "universe" is unique, then the order in which the information is acquired isn't as important as the ease and joy with which it is absorbed.

SandraDodd.com/checklists
photo by Sandra Dodd
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What the...

"People learn by playing, thinking and amazing themselves. They learn while they're laughing at something surprising, and they learn while they're wondering 'What the heck is this?'"—Sandra Dodd

SandraDodd.com/unschooling

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Note: The quote lives at that address, but (awkwardly) it also shows up in the random quote in the upper corner, with my name after it (as above).

A sweet message arrived yesterday:

Hi Sandra,

I just wanted to share this funny story. My son Angel (9) was reading to me the daily quote from the top right corner of your website, he read it out loud as this:

People learn by playing, thinking and amazing themselves. They learn while they're laughing at something surprising, and they learn while they're wondering "What the heck is this Sandra Dodd?"

We both laughed heaps!

Tan Hibbert

photo by Sandra Dodd's computer (you can click it bigger)