Cats, for real

For fun, today, maybe think about the nature of cats. There are pet cats, acting-and-modelling cats, folklore and humor about cats, fantasy cats, cartoon cats, imagery, song, and story of cats. Wild cats, musical cats, cool cats. Thinking about what IS a cat will help with thinking about the "is"ness of all other things.

SandraDodd.com/reality
photo by Brie Jontry of painting by Noor JontryMasterson
who also created the cat art here: SandraDodd.com/art/

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Exploring, playing, remembering

Exploring different media and tools, playing with art and ideas, and making nice memories.

Life as Show-and-Tell
photo by Sandra; scratch-art by younger Devyn Dodd

Let light shine through you.

See how that cut-out affected the table, and the light? It's in Wales, but we can see it wherever we are today. See how that little jack-o-lantern ornament affected so much of the world?

I love the light through that orange bottle. Beautiful. I like the pumpkin, or gourd, too.

Janine saw all of that, and took a photo. I saw that photo, and sent it to you.

Beauty and patterns are all around us.

Let light shine through you.
SandraDodd.com/curiosity
photo by Janine Davies

Native thoughtfulness and competence

If we've been conditioned to believe that children are unworthy and inferior but we consciously step away from that place and see the wholeness in our children, then one of the easiest things to see is the lack of wholeness in ourselves. It can be frightening.

When we see the level of thoughtfulness and competence a small child can have when he hasn’t been belittled or discouraged or shushed, we can start to think that if we undo the discouraging, belittling and shushing voices inside of us, we might regenerate our own native thoughtfulness and competence.

Mindful Parenting / SandraDodd.com/rentalk
photo by Jo Isaac (a wedge-tailed eagle)
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Right now, today

Deb Lewis's words:

You don't get another chance to be the mom to these kids right now, today. When they are grown and gone from you, you can have the cleanest house in the neighborhood. But what is the most important thing today? What will you be happier remembering in your old age; that your house always looked nice or that your kids were happy? What will your children be happy to remember about their time with you? Dirty houses always wait for you to get around to them. Children don't, and shouldn't have to.

Happy, happy, happy.

— Deb Lewis

Modelling Joy
photo by Sarah Peshek

A Day of Wonder

Paula L. wrote, years ago:

I wondered if I should pick up the puzzle pieces from the carpet, since the puzzle was mostly ignored. Maybe it was too hard for my 3-year-old.

He started messing around with the pieces and excitedly fitting them together. He asked for my help and we had a blast finishing it.

As the day went on, Paula wondered many more things. It's beautiful writing.

I wondered if the day could have been more magical.

And I knew the answer was no.

—Paula L.

This beautiful, lyrical account...
SandraDodd.com/day/paulawonder
photo by Julie D.

Doing Nothing, and finding balance

Halfway between the past we can't change and the future we can only imagine, we find ourselves in the present. Not just the present year, but the present day; not just the present day, but the present moment.

From Balancing in the Middle Ground:

[Some families] had stopped doing school, and then stopped making their kids do anything, and now their kids were doing NOTHING.

Aside from the idea of the rich potential of their "nothing," the parents had gone from making their kids do everything, to "making them do nothing." And interestingly, it did make them "do nothing," at first. Or at least the parents couldn't see the new things they were doing.

Rather than moving from one edge of a dichotomy to the other, the goal is to move to a whole new previously unknown middle place.

Holly Dodd, and the false sea onion

photo by Holly Dodd in 2009
original post, 2010

Learning All the Time

One of the filmmakers sent this to me in 2009, with this note:

I have recently made a film showing autonomous home ed in action.

My own son and a friend's son have an interest in movie making and wanted to do a free course which became available locally. As part of their learning they learned how to conduct interviews (which you will see on film) and which were totally unscripted. The children interviewed each other and us. I was also involved in filming and took responsibility for the editing which created the finished product. You see me on film talking about the dilemma of filming a process which is internal and which goes on all the time anyway! Other footage was filmed at a couple of home ed meets where, again, nothing scripted or staged took place, I simply filmed the children being their natural selves. I think what comes through is a strong sense of freedom and joy. Reactions over here have been very positive and I would like, if possible, for the film to be seen by unschoolers across the water.


SandraDodd.com/learningallthetime
The filmmakers and families, in South Wales, preferred to be nameless

Just a moment

Schuyler Waynforth wrote:

Today, in the car, as we drove to the swimming pool, I was talking to David about how I can't think of the last time I would write off a day as a bad day. There are bad moments, but I don't think we've had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day in, well, a very, very long time. Looking at tense moments as moments instead of as the great swath of time that a day can be makes a huge difference in how I respond to something. Or how I offer myself. Or how I respond to Simon or Linnaea when they are having a difficult moment.

—Schuyler Waynforth

SandraDodd.com/moment
photo by Sandra Dodd, from an upstairs window in Derby, Derbyshire, of men at a lawn bowls club across the road. That ball was in the air for just a moment, in early June 2011, and I'm glad I caught a photo of it. Thanks again, Elaine.

Good reasons to be positive

Since my kids weren't going to have teachers at school to validate their interests or to introduce them to things I "hated," I decided not to hate anything, and to leave as much of the world accessible to my kids without them feeling they were messing with something I didn't like, or asking about something I disapproved of.

When I reject something from my life, it closes doors, in my head, and in my soul. I can't make connections there anymore. I have eliminated it from active play. It's not good for unschoolers.

Everyone has the freedom to be negative. Not everyone has thought of good reasons to be more positive.

Becoming more open
photo by Gigi Polikowsky

Humans learn

Deb Lewis wrote:

Learning is so easy, even cavemen did it. 🙂

• Shell beads found in Algeria and Israel have been dated to 100,000 years ago, well before there were jewelry-making schools. 🙂
  
  
• The stunning Chauvet drawings were created between 29,700 and 32,400 years ago long before there were art schools. 🙂
  
  
• Signs carved in tortoise shell, found in China were written down in the Stone age or Neolithic age, predating the previous earliest writings by two thousand years, well before there were writing schools.🙂

HEY! This is fun!

• Archeologists have found pottery dating back 13,000 years, many, many years before there were pottery schools.
  
  
• The first known sewing needle, found in France, is about 25,000 years old, some considerable time before there were sewing schools.
  
  
• There is some evidence that people had discovered a way to weave cloth and baskets as early as 27,000 years ago, before there were weaving studios or, well, looms. 🙂

There seems to be no shortage of evidence that humans learn.

— Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/deblewis/cavemen
photo by Ester Siroky

School learning vs. real learning

School learning is like being told how to assemble the dragon piece of the jigsaw, which pieces to put where and in what order. And then the cat. And then the book. And then the bird. And you must do it in that order the way they tell you because they're teaching you how to assemble jigsaw puzzles and that can't be left to chance. Unfortunately by the time you're done with the process you're so sick of jigsaw puzzles you have no interest in doing them yourself and never see how the dragon and cat connect and don't even care.

Real learning is doing that billion piece jigsaw puzzles however you please. Or running off to watch TV. Or chase the dog. 🙂

—Joyce Fetteroll

A million-piece puzzle
photo by Gail Higgins
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Questions to consider

If you've adopted a set of principles and priorities, it will make decisionmaking easier. And I don't mean to choose your five and write them down. I mean to consider what's important in a situation when you're making a decision. And those things can vary.

If it's 11:00 at night and a child wants to do something that's outside the house or noisy, the idea of quiet time and consideration for others who are sleeping should take precedence, for sure.

All other things being equal, for me I decided in favor of something new and different, over something same-old, when there was a draw about which thing to do or which way to go. I decided to take the "more learning" path...

It depends.

It's hard to explain unschooling, partly because the best answers are "it depends," followed by questions for the parents to consider while they're making their decisions.

It depends on time available, time of day, safety, resources, the effect on other people, need for food or rest, and other factors...

SandraDodd.com/depends
photo by Sarah S.

Triangles and rows

I had a Shakespeare professor who said "Three trees make a row," to confirm a pattern when a student noticed that something had appeared three times. I remember thinking, but not saying, "Not if they're making a triangle." But it wasn't a math class, and I understood his point.

There's something strong and fun about three. Two parents and a baby. A tripod for a camera or a telescope. A three-legged stool (a tripod to sit on). Three versions of a song. A book or movie trilogy. Counting by threes with its elegant stops at 33, 66, and 99.

European folklore has many sets of three, in bears, goats, wishes...

Here are other posts with photos of three things. It's a fun collection. Three (image label)
Three
photo by Lydia Koltai
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The tapestry of our lives

"Each small way we’re tied to our children adds to the tapestry that our respective lives weave."

—Ben Lovejoy

SandraDodd.com/lovejoy/bonnaroo
photo by Sandra Dodd
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"Knowing nothing" is impossible

Q: What if your child (like mine) has an interest in one area (Civil War), yet hardly reads about it and never shows an interest in other historical periods (mine does, luckily)?

A: Videos. Novels. Ignore the periods he doesn't care about. He'll care later, or he won't, and the world will still turn, and he can learn what he wants WHEN he wants. History is NEVER all learned. It's all relative. "Knowing nothing" is impossible in this culture.

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I answered that question when the internet was new. Now, period photos, recordings of music, maps, and videos of battleground tours are available without leaving home. Web searches will bring explanations of gatling guns and cannons, medical advancements (nursing, sanitation), pensions for veterans and other innovations of those days.

SandraDodd.com/reassurance
photo by Holly Dodd

Commitment to optimism

Pam Sorooshian, in 2012 (pared down from the original):

Unschooling is a profoundly optimistic decision, and it involves a huge commitment to living a very optimistic life.

I think it is possible that THE most significant thing unschooling does is nurture optimism.

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/commitment
photo and quote reduction by Sandra Dodd
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Protect and nurture

We have been taught in school that humans have no more instincts left. WHAT bunk. Parents have the instinct to protect and nurture. Children have the instinct to experiment and learn and ask questions.

SandraDodd.com/instinct
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Honoring needs

Nancy B. quoted from a poem by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton and Melissa responded (below):

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
For children grow up, we've learned to our sorrow,
So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby, cause babies don't keep.

Melissa wrote:

I love this...I think it struck a cord with me because, earlier today my daughter asked me to play a computer game with her and I told her that I "had" to clean the kitchen first. I got halfway between the computer and the kitchen, stopped, turned around, went back, told her I was sorry that the kitchen could wait, and played her game with her. She was so happy that I didn't care if the dishes rotted in the sink! 🙂 She only played for about five minutes but, I know that it will stick with her, that I found HER more important than the housework.

— Melissa Raley

SandraDodd.com/chores/relationship
photo by someone with Julie's camera; maybe James the dad

Light show

Alex Polikowsky wrote, years ago:

We are all for fun stuff. We get to go to places with our homeschooling friends like theme parks and museums and have it all to ourselves. We get to play all day because for unschoolers playing and learning go hand in hand.

My kids are happy. They have fun. They learn everyday.

We have time to have many animals the kids want.

We have time to play games as a family.

We have time to run in the yard and explore places together. We have time to have fun.

Our lives are not separated between school life and home life. Most things we do, we do it because we like it and because we have fun doing them.

—Alex Polikowsky
(source / interview, 2009)

Alex's children are both at the University of Minnesota, studying engineering, so she had time to visit me and explore and play games. We had fun. She took the photo above on her way home.

Meanwhile, some of our other unschooling friends saw the northern lights, too, and shared images: Colleen Prieto, New Hampshire

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Gail Higgins, North Carolina

I slept through all of that, and failed to leave a post; sorry!

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More by Alex Polikowsky
top photo by Alex Polikowsky, from a plane, October 10, 2024—
wingtip light and slight reflection from the window

"I hope you don't mind"

Dylan isn't twelve anymore; Deb Lewis still writes beautifully.

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Yesterday was David's birthday and we had guests. I left dishes in the sink when I went to bed. I got up early with the dogs but then went back to bed. When I got up later Dylan had done the dishes. He said "I know you really like to do the dishes mom, so I hope you don't mind, but I just felt like doing them."

Dylan is twelve.

I *know* living life joyfully makes a difference in the way our kids see us and the way they see the little things that make life better.

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/chores/tales
photo by Janine Davies
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Another view

I was just as tall when I took a few steps over for a clearer view.

Young children are not as tall, and what they see won't be what we see, though it's easy to forget.

Some point-of-view considerations are physical. Others have to do with what we already know about what we're seeing. I know where that bear came from. I know the cat's name. I know it's Albuquerque.

Where you saw it, and whatever you saw, is just as real. Either it interested you or it didn't, which is fine.

When two people are having a conversation, or comparing or defining things, there are dozens of factoring differences. Life is fun, and funny, and angles and perceptions vary.

SandraDodd.com/angles
photos by Sandra Dodd

A Feast!

Dominique Trussler wrote, years ago:

This morning I brought my 8-year-old son a snack as he was busy playing on the computer, and he said "Wow! A feast! One, because it is big. And two because it has yummy things on it." And he carried on playing. And now I am smiling. 😊


Here is picture of the feast. (He is very tidy with his food, in case you are thinking wow hummus near a laptop!)

—Dominique Trussler

Something Surprising
photo by Dominique Trussler

Talking to strangers

Jo Isaac, when her son was seven years old:

Kai's self-confidence surprises me all the time. He is happy to go talk to strangers anywhere, and teenagers. On his first day signing up for soccer Kai took a ball to a teenager and asked him if he wanted to play with him and Brett (my husband). That totally floored my husband, who couldn't have imagined going up to a strange teenager when he was seven, let alone asking them to play soccer with them (the teenager did play with them, they had fun).

—Jo Isaac

Note from Sandra: As a "grown" teen himself, Kai travelled from Australia to Thailand for an explore, and came back safely.

SandraDodd.com/surprise
photo by... by elimination, perhaps by Huxley, or James.
Maybe by Sam.

Okay, I've named some NOT in the photo. I wasn't there, but here's who's in:
(standing:) Kai, Karl, Kes, Adam, Polly
(seated:) Jo, Julie and Janine.

A kindness and a gift

Rather than tell a child in advance what's about to be seen, it can be wonderful to let them feel they've discovered something on their own. A surprise can be so stimulating that the memories will be more vivid. And the discovery becomes a personal accomplishment.

If the parent is surprised too, that's a bonus, but if you can allow for someone else to be surprised, it can be a kindness and a gift.

SandraDodd.com/surprise/
photo by Lydia Koltai

Wisdom at its finest

Willow Lune wrote

The wisdom coming from these unschooled kids amazes (and surprises) me on a regular basis. The choices they make and the thoughtfulness they put into decisions. The in-depth discussions. Their take on the world. Their willingness to give feedback, knowing that their words matter. Wow—wisdom at its finest.

—Willow Lune

SandraDodd.com/surprise
photo by Rosie Moon

Climbing

Karen James wrote, in part:

A few weeks ago my husband, son and myself went for a bit of a hike. My son wanted to climb a big, steep hill that overlooked the ocean and had rocks at the top that he could climb and sit on. I looked up that hill and thought "Oh crikey! That's a steep hill." (I'm not in as good a shape I used to be.) But I could see that Ethan really wanted to climb it, and he really wanted us to join him, so I smiled and said "Let's go!" He's thirteen. I don't know how many more years I'll be invited (or have) to join him on his adventures. I choose to relish them now, while I still have the health and the opportunity to do so.

Ethan ran ahead, excited. My husband followed closer behind him. I took a deep breath and began walking too. Instead of looking all the way up the top of the hill, I looked at the ground as I climbed. I looked right and left and relished in the little details I found. Seeing the ground move steadily beneath my feet was encouraging, and made the climb seem not so steep. ....

It might not seem like it now, but those early years pass fast. I love all the happy memories I've made with Ethan these past 13 years. As he's growing more and more into his own interests, I can see the little boy he once was twirling on a trampoline for the twentieth or more time saying "Watch me now!" landing with pride every time. ...

Read the rest here:
Mindfulness in Unschooling
photo by Cátia Maciel

Be more

I closed a talk recently with this:

Be brave, be calm, be happy.

Be braver, be calmer, be happier.

The first line was written on my paper. The second one, I added just then.

SandraDodd.com/being
photo by Julie Daniel
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The link in yesterday's post didn't work, but it has been repaired here:
Accepting and Supporting**Sorry**

Accepting and Supporting

I think parents only have so many vetos they can use with their kids before the kids start ignoring them, and I think maybe those vetos should be saved for important things down the line, if they're used at all.

Every negative message to a child is a scar on that relationship. Not enjoying the same thing is fine, but HATING what they enjoy ("hating" much of anything) is a loss to joy, not an addition to joy.

Accepting and Supporting
photo by Colleen Prieto

All or nothing or...

Should people live in the water in the middle of the ocean, or should they live on land as far as possible away from an ocean?

Quickly! What's your answer?


This was a trick question just designed to make you think. But people really do ask the same kinds of questions of themselves sometimes. In some people's heads, "Don't believe everything you read" turns into "Don't believe anything you read."

In the middle are things like "Believe things that make sense and seem to work after you've thought about them and tried them out," and "Don't believe something just because you read it, but wait for it to be confirmed by other more trusted sources, or by your own research or observance."

By thinking in extremes, "There is more than one truth" becomes "All things are equally truthful." Just because there are many truths doesn't mean there's no such thing as nonsense.

SandraDodd.com/balance
The last bit was a paraphrase, to be courteous,
of the original statement from a few years before which was
"Just because there's more than one truth
doesn't mean there's no such thing as bullshit."

photo by Sandra Dodd