photo by Sandra Dodd
Wednesday, March 20, 2024
That mom I want to be
photo by Sandra Dodd
Thursday, May 18, 2023
Seeing enough
See learning as your priority, and you will begin to see it more and more.
photo by Sandra Dodd
Tuesday, May 9, 2023
Rules, and problems
Families with rules have a lot to fight about. Couples with a lot of rules have a lot to fight about.
When I wrote that, I had been married for 24 years. As I post it here, I've been married for 39 years. Live lightly.
photo by Holly Dodd, in 2008, the year I wrote what's above
Sunday, March 12, 2023
Tiny improvements build up
photo by Sandra Dodd
Tuesday, March 7, 2023
Passing real tests
Sandra Dodd, of Holly Dodd (Holly was 12 and told an older story, in 2003):
My husband's oldest brother came to visit and she and Marty discussed how to deal with his quizzy questions, usually math. She told me a story from when she was littler, maybe eight. Uncle Gerry had been here, and Holly was brushing her teeth. He stood watching her, and started in about how important it is to brush teeth and floss, because (as Holly reported, he said in a teacherly voice) "Do you know how many sets of teeth you have in this lifetime?"Update in 2021, Holly 29 years old, and Gerry having recently been in town when Holly was here, too. Holly was very helpful to her uncle, driving him to an auto parts store and helping him figure out what his plan might be to get back to Alamogordo, if his car couldn't be fixed easily. She's nearly 30 now, and he's in his mid-70s. After she left, he went on for a while about how helpful and good-hearted and wonderful she is. I appreciated hearing it, and passed it on to her later.Holly said, "Two?" (in a kind of "is this a trick question" tone) and she said he was already holding up his index finger as the "one" of the coming "right answer," and he added another finger and sheepishly said, "That's right. Two."
So Holly won a big point and never even told us about it at the time. Cool story. I don't think he quizzed them this time. It's getting to the point that they're likely to know something he doesn't know and he likes to maintain his semblance of superiority. LOL!
original (2/3 down that topic)
photo by Irene Adams (Holly's aunt; my sister)
Holly was seven in this photo, with more of her first set of teeth, casually preparing for Uncle Gerry's quiz-to-come the next year.
Friday, March 3, 2023
Please and thank you
Today's our 21st wedding anniversary.
We were together for six years before that.
We still say please and thank you, and we say it to the kids, too.
(original)
Later this month we will have our 39th anniversary.
When Keith thanks me for making a meal, I thank him for having bought the groceries. Tonight he thanked me for making a fire, and I thanked him for the firewood.
photo by Rachael Rodgers, in 2016
when we'd been married 32 years
Friday, September 23, 2022
An abundance of comfortable choices
I didn't expect so much contentment. And my kids are not staying home because they have to. And they're not going to school or working because they have to. We're all reaping what we sowed, without knowing it would turn into such an abundance of comfortable choices.
photo by Sandra Dodd
Sunday, May 15, 2022
Delight with them
Karen James wrote:
Pay close attention to your children. Really see what they are doing, what they are interested in, what they are enjoying, what frustrates them, what they like and what they don't like.
Notice how they think. Notice what kinds of things bring them delight. Delight in those things with them. Find ways to add to their experiences. Be open to the things you bring being passed over. Notice what kinds of things are embraced.
photo by Sandra Dodd
Saturday, April 16, 2022
Freedom and flexibility
We could watch movies together at leisure, and pause and come back to them, or watch the good parts over and over. Some families are trying to squeeze a movie in between "dinnertime" and "bedtime" and wouldn't even think of watching one in the morning or during lunch!
(studio photo)
Saturday, February 19, 2022
Controversial topic
I didn't know, years ago, that unschooling could strengthen a marriage. I did know that a good marriage would strengthen unschooling.
photo by a waiter, with my camera, 2011
P.S. Why is that controversial?
I have been criticized, over the years, for encouraging people to be kind and compassionate to partners or spouses. I have also been thanked by people whose marriages became stronger because of those ideas, or by the use of unschooling principes in general.
Although I am sympathetic to people whose marriages have failed for reasons beyond their control, there are divorces that could have been avoided, and there are relationships still in the future that could benefit by being bathed in sweetness and patience, humor and positivity.
Thursday, December 23, 2021
Safety, comfort and joy
I don't treat my children as partners. I was, from the time they were babies, partnered with them. I was the older, more experienced, more responsible partner. I protected our team, which often meant I sheltered them from things that would have upset them or that they didn't care anything in the world about. I've done that for my husband, too, who's been my official legal partner since 1984 when we declared our partnership in front of relatives and friends, God and the State of New Mexico.
With my kids, it was a posture I took, partly physical, partly mental, in which I accepted and recognized that I had the power to make them unhappy, and the easy ability to allow them to be in danger (from me, in part) if I wasn't really mindful and careful to focus on their safety, comfort and joy.
Photo by my friend Annaliese, with my camera, in 1998, for sending to Keith who was working 1200 miles away. Click it to enlarge, and to read more about those kids, those days.
Wednesday, February 17, 2021
How to live
Live the way you want your children to be. Be curious. Be thoughtful. Be patient. Be generous. |
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Tuesday, July 28, 2020
Knowledge / Acknowledge
In your home are homey things, and some were gifts, or were found, or inherited. In your kitchen, something was made by hand, or found in an attic, maybe. There might be a favorite bowl, or a cup with a story. We have one special spoon. I like the hand towels. I got tea for my birthday.
Who showed you how to scramble eggs? When did you learn to bake? What do you think about how to arrange your refrigerator?
Is there flexibility in there? Are there more reasons to laugh than to fear?
Be open to happy memories and gratitude for your knowledge and equipment.
photo by Holly Dodd (in the reflection) of Sandra (behind the spoon)
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P.S. If anything above brought up sad or stressful memories, consider rearranging the cabinet that contains the voices in your head. Here's help: SandraDodd.com/voices
Wednesday, May 6, 2020
Conversations—have good ones!
Conversations with a parent are natural learning fodder. Natural learning doesn’t happen in a vacuum or in isolation. Those things aren’t so natural. 😊
In my experience, unschooling parents are more likely to say too much than not enough.
photo by Kirby Dodd
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Thursday, April 25, 2019
Dodd-house Unschooling, 1994
Our daily plans are nebulous, and although we might schedule a trip to the zoo or a papier-mâché day (something that takes a clean table and a lot of setup and no big interruptions), we don't have something scheduled on most days, and we don't "educationalize" trips to zoos and museums and such. We just go, and what we read or see is discussed, but not in a scheduled, checklist way.
There are several ways that I get ideas and resources. I have e-mail friends. I have a few local friends who homeschool but the homeschool scene is too structured for my tastes. I'm a member of the state organization and I get some good ideas from their newsletters. When I was beginning to homeschool, I got reassurance from a friend who has four older children. Her philosophy is that as long as they know things by the time they go on dates or get married, it doesn't matter how soon or in what order they learn them. Family Fun Magazine has some good ideas and I have some books on arts and science projects. Nothing has helped as much as reading Growing Without Schooling.
Update, 25 years later:
Earlier this week, Keith and I were at the old house (the house we were in when kids were young) watching Ivan (Marty's baby, who's 16 months old). I commented on the brick floor I had put in the entryway, and said I don't know how I had the energy to do that, but I liked the pattern, and it was still in good shape.
The friend mentioned above is Carol Rice (with the four kids and the good advice). Just recently, for a few months, she and Kirby were both working at Albuquerque Healthcare for the Homeless—she as a permanent employee, and Kirby as a contract IT guy.
Friday, July 27, 2018
Fascinating and charming
I think one reason they don't mind following rules is that they haven't already "had it up to here" with rules, as kids have who have a whole life of home rules and school rules. They find rules kind of fascinating and charming, honestly. When Holly's had a dress code for a dance class or acting class she is THRILLED.
Maybe also because they haven't been forced to take classes or go to gaming shops (?!?) they know they're there voluntarily and part of the contract is that they abide by the rules. No problem.
photo by Sandra Dodd, July 2005
and the writing is older than that
Friday, June 29, 2018
Touch and calm presence
The more touch and calm presence parents can give a baby, the better, and if they can maintain that as children get older, it might turn into unschooling. |
photo by Ashlee Dodd
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Tuesday, September 19, 2017
Courtesy, and teens
Now it is eleven years old. Our family looked like this, when the story was new:
A story slightly involving allowance, but a snapshot of how kids who aren't desperate for money can act:
Two of Marty's friends were going to pick him up to go run around, but they ended up staying here. Then another friend came over to see all my kids. Then a friend of Kirby's from work came over. I hadn't met her before. She was nice. So my three (14, 17, 19) plus four more (17-21) were all having a great time laughing and looking at stuff on Kirby's computer and around our house, and Marty's big Lego Viking village, and so forth.
They decided to go out for ice cream and then to see "Over the Hedge." I asked Holly if she needed money, and she didn't. (She saves her allowance up.) Every other person there has a job. Outside of Kirby possibly having an interest in the girl from work, there were no couples. Two of those kids do have steady others, but didn't bring them over. So it was four teenaged girls, four teenaged boys, no romantic tension (unless Kirby and new-girl; didn't see any).
And here's the big success part. They asked Keith if he wanted to go. I didn't know they had, when Marty came and asked me if I wanted to go. So they would have taken me, or Keith, or both of us, with them.
We separately thanked them and declined and found out later they had asked us both. Pretty sweet!
We didn't "teach them" to invite their parents to the movies. One advantage of our not going was that then they could fit into the big van and didn't have to take two cars.
The van they went in:
Sweetness in Teens
The photos are links.
Friday, August 18, 2017
Sit still
On bonding with babies:
"Sit still with them. And when they are still, sit still with yourself. Don't use so many moments of the day to do anything."
photo of Sandra and Holly Dodd
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Wednesday, May 24, 2017
Learning and learning and...
I have always looked at learning. Learning was and is my goal—I keep learning, the kids are learning—and one of my principles, and one of my convictions. Children can learn from a rich, supportive environment.
old photo from carol singing at a nursing home with baby Marty and sleepy Kirby