Principles over rules

If people are living by rules, it's nearly impossible to tell what it would look like to live by principles.

Once one is living by principles, it's nearly impossible to make a move that's contrary to those principles. It doesn't happen overnight, but it's much different than just changing from one set of rules to another.

from an Unschooling Discussion post at googlegroups, November 2007
photo by Holly Dodd, of Lily Y., at a symposium
__

Transformations

Choices have transformed our lives. Limitations do not transform lives. They limit lives.

SandraDodd.com/limits
photo by Sandra Dodd
__

---

If you want to listen to me talking about transformations, here. "Something big starts to change."

Thoughtful, patient, kind

When people make changes in their lives that make them more thoughtful, more patient and kinder, they'll be better partners, and neighbors, and dog owners.

One day on facebook...
See also SandraDodd.com/pets
photo by Annie Regan

Belief, values, atmosphere

"Be who you believe it's best to be. Act according to your own values. Create an atmosphere where making a kind choice is easier than making a hurtful choice. Create an atmosphere where everyone feels safe."

—Joyce Fetteroll

Joyce Fetteroll, at Always Learning in 2013
A good link to go with it might be Building an Unschooling Nest
photo by Sarah Dickinson

More calmly alive

Find things that make your children's lives better and that make you and your family feel more calmly alive in the world.

from a post on the Always Learning list
photo by Holly Dodd, of an indoor lizard who poses in various places

Even better...

Here's a misuse of "just," from 2004. We were talking about principles over rules, regarding teens going out with friends, and the possibility of living without solid curfews. I wrote:

"When things are handled matter-of-factly and the kids KNOW the parents love them and will be there for them, a lot of the air of danger and urgency just dissipate."

It's way too late, but I wish I had written "can dissipate." For one thing, there's no guarantee. Also, if it happens, it's not casual magic.

If trust and love do bring feelings of safety and calm choices into a teen's life, that's solid, and good, and should not be dismissed with "just."

JUST. Just what?
photo by Shan Burton
__
P.S. Should've been "dissipates" in the original anyway, for the technical among us. There are discussions in busy moments, and then there are quotes from those, years later.

Generous, soft, patient

Learning to be kind and gentle to a child will make you a kinder and gentler person. Learning to make choices that make you kinder and gentler to a child—more generous, softer, more patient—will help you be a better partner, adult child, neighbor, customer at the grocery store.

The original writing recommended this page: Parenting Peacefully
photo by Pam Sorooshian
__