Positively add more things

Debbie Regan wrote:

In moving towards unschooling, I think it helps to *add* things rather than "eliminate" things. Adding is more likely to be positive—more flexible and open-ended. "Eliminating" is not many steps away from a rule, from rigidity. Yes chores / No chores. Both are rules—rules which intrude, regardless of what's really important.

—Debbie Regan

the original writing (longer)
photo by Elise Lauterbach

Hundreds and thousands

Say "yes" hundreds of happy, surprising-to-the-kids times, about whether they can stay up a little later, or have another cookie, or visit the neighbors, or jump off the porch. Hearing "YES!" is a huge thrill to kids who have been told "no" thousands of times.


That advice is about how parent can move gradually toward unschooling,
rather than jump too quickly.
SandraDodd.com/gradualchange
photo by Chelsea Thurman Artisan
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Avoid thwarting.

Put your frustrated energy into a burst of mixing it up.

Unschooling can prove itself if it's not thwarted.

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That was part of some advice I gave in 2003 to a mom whose husband "wasn't onboard," as people say.

"Unschooling can prove itself if it's not thwarted" wasn't suggesting her husband was thwarting it, but that passivity and a lack of sharing it with a spouse thwarts it.

I like the sound of the word "thwart."

Don't thwart unschooling by using it to divide the family. Move toward it methodically and thoughtfully. Read a little, try a little, wait a while, watch. Note and share the results with your spouse. It can take a while to come to shared confidence, but don't fail to see it as a family-improving project.

SandraDodd.com/reluctance
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Things

I love this photo of Karen Lundy's kitchen utensils, laid out artfully and photographed.

I like things. I like tools. The similarities and differences in things has always interested me—the patterns and departures, in objects, people, games, songs, foods, trees, and ideas.

Some people think "I have too many things." Some want things they don't have. Few think "I have the perfect number of things."

I miss things I used to have, sometimes. Attachments are not ideal, but things can be art, comfort, tools, toys, and portals to history, stories, science, exploration and possibilities.

Be at peace with things, when you can be.

SandraDodd.com/abundance
photo by Karen Lundy
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Be positively positive!

Negativity is contagious and cancels out joy and hope. Some people are just casually negative without realizing it. Their first response to anything is likely to be derisive. It's like a disease, and they infect their friends and relatives. Eye rolling, tongue-clucking, dramatic sighs... It's emotional littering. Save them for emergencies.

Seeing and Avoiding Negativity
photo by Shonna Morgan
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When water is love

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

I was at homeschool park day and someone's son asked to drink from his mom's water bottle - she said, "Sure have a sip." She said he'd do that often but it wasn't because he was thirsty, it was because it was his way of creating a quick and momentary reconnection with her. I saw that. There was a little moment there, for them. It was sweet. It had nothing to do with her drink or his thirst. She could have easily said, "Go get your own, you left it in the car," or something like that. We often don't know, really, what it means to another person, especially our own child, for us to do some little thing for them and we never know what we've missed if by not doing something. —Pam Sorooshian

I left out "just last week" from the quote above, because that child and parent are both seven years older. It is very likely that many things went better, in those seven years, because the mom was sweet to him early on.

SandraDodd.com/generosity
photo by Mary Lewis

Give happily

"When you give, give as happily as you honestly can, and give with the receiver in mind more than yourself. That spirit shows, and is meaningful. The older your son gets, the more he'll see and understand and come to appreciate it." —Karen James

SandraDodd.com/generosity
photo by Jamie Parrish