Grand and simple

Of natural learning, Ren Allen wrote:

By choosing to unschool, I am giving my children the ability simply to enjoy the journey rather than to seek some unknown destination that falsely promises an end product. My children’s lives are their own; their dreams and passions belong to them, and in gathering the bits that matter, they are showing me that natural learning is grand and simple all at once. The light that emanates from them awes me to silence.

—Ren Allen

Crystallized Learning
photo by Lydia Koltai

High horse on holy ground

Carol/sognokids wrote:

One day Colton and Bud returned from the library, thrilled with what they had found. A video copy of "Godzilla!" I snorted derisively and suggested that our time would be better spent with a book. I was ignored. They made some popcorn and started the movie. I sat with them on the couch, or to be more accurate, on my moral high horse....

A voice whispered in my ear: Look at them, Carol. Just LOOK at them! .... They were totally connected to each other through their movie experience, and it was a joy to watch. I knew that they were making a memory together....

We have laughed and cried together as we have watched, and we have wondered and marveled.... And when I watch my husband and son stomping around the house like Godzilla as they destroy Tokyo, I know that I am standing on holy ground.

—Carol/sognokids

The rest is worth reading, and there's a story by Deb Lewis, too:
SandraDodd.com/t/godzilla
photo borrowed from 60 Years of Godzilla

The light dawned

It was the issue of food that provided the epiphany for me to "get" what unschooling is about. When I realized that there are foods out there that make me gag, and I wouldn't want to have to finish them (or even put a bite in my mouth) the light dawned. Why do it to kids, if there's something that I refuse to eat?

—Heidi C.

SandraDodd.com/food
photo by Jenny Bilderback

Wonderment

"I think trying to see the world through young kids' eyes can help us move toward wonderment." —Chris Sanders

SandraDodd.com/chats/wonder
photo by Jo Isaac

Building an unschooling nest

"Building an unschooling nest" is a phrase that has come to mean maintaining a safe, rich, happy environment in which learning cannot help but happen.

What will help to create an environment in which unschooling can flourish? For children to learn from the world around them, the world around them should be merrily available, musically and colorfully accessible, it should feel good and taste good. They should have safety and choices and smiles and laughter.

There is some physicality to the "nest," but much of it is constructed and held together by love, attitudes and relationships. Shared memories and plans, family jokes, songs and stories shared and discussed, all those strengthen the nest.

Quote from The Big Book of Unschooling, page 125 (or 137)
photo by Jennifer Smith
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Inside and outside

I have some good plants in my house. Outside it can be too harsh for most plants to survive, but indoors is safer.

The photo was taken far from New Mexico, but still shows some life inside, and some less-lively structure outside.

Two ideas: Sitting around watching plants grow isn't as good as some other things you could do, and don't be too prejudiced against being inside!

SandraDodd.com/t/memories
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Confident, happy, glad

I wrote this of Kirby, in 2005 when he was 18 years old:

He's confident in his skin, in his mind, and in his being.
He's not afraid of his parents.
He goes to sleep happy and he wakes up glad.

My priorities could have been different.

---

Kirby is 30 now. Yesterday he contacted me about plans for adopting his wife's daughter, who is eight, so her name will be Dodd, too. They recently signed a mortgage on the house where she has her own beautiful room.


Context for the top quote about Kirby is in a story here:
SandraDodd.com/priorities
photo by Rachael Rodgers

Swirling

"The top itself was not what caught Ethan's attention. For me, it was. For Ethan, it was the swirly lines that were the treasure he happened upon and wanted to explore more."

—Karen James, 2017

Strewing in Action
photo by Holly Dodd, 2009

"We" can be a problem

Remember that your child is a whole separate person.

SandraDodd.com/we
photo by Amber Ivey

Good life; less needy

"Parents who do make meeting their children's needs a higher priority will find that life is good and they, often unexpectedly, find that they are, themselves, less needy when they feel like really good parents."

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/priorities
Halloween photo by Lydia Koltai

Learning happily

I believe that if children learn happily, without pressure and without shame, that they will continue to do so for the rest of their lives.

Why Radical Unschooling?
photo by Chrissy Florence

Unfolding, unfurling

[To the frequently voiced complaint that the word "unschooling" seems negative, this was written years ago and has not been bested:]

"Lots of people make this point, but I never see the negation as negative in a value-judgment sense when I use the word—to me unschooling is as positive as unchaining, unbinding, unleashing, unfolding, unfurling, unlimiting....

"All mean freedom and growth and vast possibilities to me."

—Zann Carter

Definitions of Unschooling
photo by Rose Sorooshian
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Newness

There do need to be breaks for familiar, comforting activities, but a rich life should include newness for the sake of learning (and fun), and an unschooling parent should be aware of the learning that's happening in the children and in the parents, both. Learning isn't just for kids!

SandraDodd.com/beginning
photo by Amber Ivey
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Little bits of life

Look for beauty in the tiniest things in the smallest moments.

SandraDodd.com/fabric
photo by Sandra Dodd

Unscheduled brilliance

"Let go of the fear of missing out; it will hamper your ability to be open to the cornucopia of unscheduled sparkling brilliance."

—Robyn Coburn

SandraDodd.com/robyn/cornucopia
photo by Sandra Dodd
of an Australian possum I saw, thanks to Jo Isaac
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Your perspective will change

"Your perspective will change when you've experienced new things, seen the world from a different place."

—Debbie Regan

SandraDodd.com/readalittle
photo by Cheryl Balazs

Love in the moment

Deb Lewis wrote:

One of the beautiful things about unschooling is it gives our kids time to really explore the things they love—to see where they might lead. And if they don't lead to a career or life-long hobby, the love of the thing, in the moment, is still a valuable experience. If you could magically know what would give your child joy, wouldn't you want to provide it? The magic is in trusting our kids to know what they want and in helping them do as much of that as we possibly can. It's not always easy or comfortable, but how do you put a price on learning and joy?

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/limits/listening
photo by Stephanie Guthaus
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Focus on the good

Jenny Cyphers wrote:

I wish things for our family had been different earlier than later, but it is what it is. Unschooling really helped make us better people. I can't even imagine, or rather I can, how different things would be with our relationships with our kids if they'd been in school all these years.

Kids absorb the good and the bad. Unschooling really focuses on the good, and that's, well, GOOD!

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/ifonly
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Blue Suede Shoes

1993:

Some time back there was a request for songs to be sung which would be educational. As music itself is a discipline, I think any music can be used as an educational tool. It can tie in with physical activity, mathematics, physics, history, geography, art, language, and it can be used to get kids excited and awake, or calm and asleep, or anything in between. I don't mean singing about math or history, either, but discussing the form of the music, the rhythm, the moods, the origins, the instruments on which it is traditionally played, the length and pattern of the verses (or phrases, or whatever), what its purpose is (a march, background music for a movie or for an 18th century fireworks show, a lullaby, a love song), etc.

Don't miss this fun and easy opportunity to tie different "subjects" together by using a song as a jumping off place to many different discussions. If you need ideas, name a song here and see how many suggestions you can get for it!

---

2012:

What's above was written in 1993. Someone named "Blue Suede Shoes," thinking it wouldn't net much. I just wrote and wrote that day, and luckily I printed it out and saved it. The link below leads to my response, commentary and a video of Elvis doing another song, that leads to another song, and... you know.

SandraDodd.com/dot/elvis
photo by Sandra Dodd (of some art right behind my house)
2017:

The tromp l'oeil art of full-sized cars on storage containers is still behind my house. The Elvis page has two added videos—not of Elvis, but things that one reminded me of, and then the other (added recently). I hope you have fun with all of this!

Living with food

You don't know what your children need. They won't know either, if they're never allowed to live in such a way that they will learn to pay more attention to their bodies than to a book or a menu, a calendar, a clock, or to their parents' fears and prejudices.


SandraDodd.com/food
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Be that way

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

Treat them the way you want them to treat others - It's easy to be nice when the kids are nice. The kids need to see how people (you) can be patient and kind when life isn't going smoothly. They need to see how to work with someone whose view is different. They will get to see that by how you treat them when their view is different from yours. If you treat their needs and feelings as less important, they'll learn to treat other's needs and feelings as less important. And then when you're old and bedridden, they'll say, "No, you don't need more tea, no, you don't need to finish that TV program. I have other things to do than tending to your needs. Can't you see how busy I am?"

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/happychildhood
photo by Erika Andromeda, of a patient child and his well-loved Great Grannny

Mind and awareness

Don't think of your brain. Think of your mind and of your awareness. A little tiny brain can hold a LOT of information. A big fat one can fail to do so. It's not size, it's peace and use.

SandraDodd.com/awareness
photo by Charles Lagacé, of sundogs in Nunavut
("trois-soleils", in French)
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Divergence

It's cool when something can be more than one thing. When you think of how to categorize an object, an idea, or an action, if you can give it more than one designation, it will have more "relatives"—more connections in the world.

Art? Apple? Fruit. Food. Gift. Inspiration, memory, photo-op!

Most things are many things.

SandraDodd.com/connections
photo by Brandie Hadfield

Awareness

Awareness in the way a mother touches and speaks to and thinks of her child in the next moment she is near him is the awareness that makes unschooling and peaceful parenting work.

SandraDodd.com/lawofattraction,
a page I chose because it has a reference to tigers
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Along the way

Karen James wrote:

I've climbed big hills (physically and metaphorically) like this for a couple of decades now. I don't look up and think "That's going to be exhausting." I look up to get a sense of where I want to go. Then I start walking. As I walk, I listen to my breathing. I watch my progress. I notice the beautiful details along the way. I look up every once in a while to celebrate how far I've come. I haven't made it to the top of every hill I've wanted to climb, but I don't let that negatively influence my next attempt.

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/mindfulness
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Peacekeeping

One of my main principles has been that it's my job to protect the peace of each of my children in his or her own home insofar as I can. I'm not just here to protect them from outsiders, axe-murderers and boogie-men of whatever real or imagined sort, but from each other as well.

SandraDodd.com/peace/fightingcomments
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp

Peacefully and respectfully

Karen James wrote:

Living in the world peacefully and respectfully are good places to begin to focus when new to unschooing. The best advice I was given was to look at my son. Not at ideals. Not at freedom. Not at school or no school. Not at labels. Not at big ideas. Look at my son. Be with him. Get to know him deeply. And, then to read a bit about unschooling. Give something new a try. See how it goes in the context of our real day to day life.

I still do that. I'm still learning.

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/freedom
photo by Karen James
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Unusual but doable

If a family is looking for rules and passivity, they can create a lifetime of it. If a family wants joy and learning, the creation is a bit more difficult and unusual but doable!

SandraDodd.com/zombies
photo by Amber Ivey
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Principles and change

"Focussing on being my child's partner is helping me to place my real life children front and centre of my attention and to think deeply and respond kindly and appropriately to their particular needs in this particular moment."

—Zoe Thompson-Moore

SandraDodd.com/gettingit
photo by Sarah Dickinson
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Childproof world?

Instead of childproofing the world, worldproof your child.

SandraDodd.com/hsc/radical
photo by Chrissy Florence

Brighter than the sky

One time my neighbor's tree was brighter than the sky.

Sometimes my kids are brighter than I am. The older they get, and the older I get, the more often they outshine me in many ways. I do not mind one bit.

SandraDodd.com/abundance
Photo by Sandra Dodd, in November 2010

Old history

No one could make a website, or a book, or a library or a university with all the history you will come across in your life. Frolic! Delve.

Catch it in your peripheral vision. Learn it in relation to cooking or automechanics or learning which plants came from other countries when, and why. Why were airplane plants popular with Victorian ladies and with hippies? And the Victorian ladies couldn't have called them airplane plants, so what did they call them? And why did they have them? And what does NASA think of airplane plants? They're #1 on NASA's list! But wait... that's not just history. It involves geography, home decorating, botany and the space program. Don't stop 'til you get enough.

SandraDodd.com/history
photo by Sandra Dodd, of root beer on the dashboard
outside Bode's in Abiquiu, New Mexico
(AB-i-cue, and BOE-deez)

What is real

Sandra Dodd, response in 2000 to: Can anyone explain to me "unschooling"?

It's like "just say no."

Just say no to school years and school schedules and school expectations, school habits and fears and terminology. Just say no to separating the world into important and unimportant things, into separating knowledge into math, science, history and language arts, with music, art and "PE" set in their less important little places.

Most of unschooling has to happen inside the parents. They need to spend some time sorting out what is real from what is construct, and what occurs in nature from what only occurs in school (and then in the minds of those who were told school was real life, school was a kid's fulltime job, school was more important than anything, school would keep them from being ignorant, school would make them happy and rich and right).

It's what happens after all that school stuff is banished from your life.

SandraDodd.com/unschool/moredefinitions
photo by Amber Ivey
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Where the learning is

Even if you obtain the coolest tools or toys unschoolers could recommend, natural learning isn't in the toys, it's in the reltionship between the adult and child—in the freedom and peace and time to explore and to think.

JoyfullyRejoycing.com/how-unschooling-works
(The quote isn't there, but similar ideas are!)
photo by Janine

Kind of a background thing

Pam Sorooshian, on strewing:

Strewing might be what I did at the Live and Learn conference when I noticed that some of the leaves were turning colors and, as I was heading to our room, I picked some up off the ground and left them on the bathroom counter so that my daughter would happen to see them when she used the bathroom. I have no idea if she ever noticed them or not. Or it might be that I'm getting something out of a closet and I notice a game that hasn't been out and played in a while, so I set it out on the living room coffee table.

When the kids were little, I was very aware of and more intentional about this habit—I picked up interesting rocks or feathers, put out different kinds of paper or markers or tape or a puzzle or an old hat or anything that might, even if just for a moment, interest someone. Now it is just a way of life and I don't think about it, but we all do it. It is kind of a background thing that goes on in unschooling families—it is part of what creates a stimulating, enriched environment for our kids.

—Pam Sorooshian

Strewing: Definition and Suggestions
photo by Sandra Dodd

What really matters

Meredith wrote:

"I always wonder what people expect when they ask unschoolers what materials they use, since it's a question that does come up now and then, generally by academic homeschoolers but sometimes in a daycare context.... The flattering reason, I guess, is that they think we're all geniuses at "making learning fun" but it's ultimately the wrong question. There aren't any special materials. Our homes are full of normal things, commercial toys, cartoon pajamas and pokemon sippy cups, tvs and video games, with piles of things that need to be sorted and put away slumped in corners, or cluttering up the couch and stairs. Many families unschool on slim material resources. The magic of unschooling is in the relationships."

—Meredith Novak

SandraDodd.com/partners
photo by Rachel Singer

"The magic of unschooling is in the relationships." —Meredith
(I repeated the last line because it's good.)

Move toward "Why?"

I don't want to spend my volunteer time telling people what to do. I AM willing to help people move away from needing that, and toward seeing that WHY to do things will help them figure out hundreds and thousands of whats and whens and wheres.

SandraDodd.com/why
photo by Shannon McClendon

Loving answers

Why does...? Who will...? When did...? Where are...? What is...? Do you...? Can I...?

Because... I think... Let's ask... We can look... As far as I know... Sometimes. Yes.

Treasure your child's questions and offer loving answers.
Relationships are built of these things.

photo by Sandra Dodd
re-run from 2010

Learning will happen

If life is a busy, happy swirl, they will learn. Learning is guaranteed. The range and content will vary, but the learning will happen.

SandraDodd.com/unexpectedarticle
photo by Chrissy Florence
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Brief retirement

Someone wrote once:

"I really have to be vigilant on myself and try not to control."

I was amused, but responded, in part:

Being "vigilant" sounds like absolutely exhausting effort. Relax. You do not "have to be vigilant." Especially not on yourself. That's you watching yourself. Way too much work. Let go of one of those selves. Relax inside the other one. Have a snooze. Don't be vigilant.

When you wake up, think. Am I glad to be here? Is this a good moment? If so, breathe and smile and touch your child gently. Be soft. Be grateful. Find abundance. Gently.

SandraDodd.com/battle/
photo by Charles Lagacé, in Nunavut

Positively trustworthy

Unless their joy and curiosity are snuffed out, your children will have interests and, if you're lucky, obsessions and hobbies. How negative do you want to be about those? Try to decide in advance so you're being mindful and aware when they show you their painted rocks or their plastic soldiers or their hip-hop video collection.
They will trust you as long and as far as you are trustworthy.

SandraDodd.com/focus
photo by Eva Witsel
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Generous and kind

You don't need to control yourself to keep yourself from being controlling. Make generous, kind choices, over and over, as often as you can.

SandraDodd.com/battle/
photo by Hannah North

Stance and viewpoint

If there is a method to unschooling it's certainly not a simple one. It involves changing one's stance and viewpoint on just about everything concerning children and learning. That's not "a method." That's a life change.

SandraDodd.com/unschool/definition
photo of "the rock house" (small, at 10 o'clock), from Sandia Tram,
by Sandra Dodd

That voice

"Be their support system. I want so much for my kids to grow up and hear that mommy voice in their head saying positive supportive things, not tearing them down, but encouraging them—and especially not a voice to be resisted." —Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/choice
photo by Sandra Dodd

Ease up, to help

Try to ease guilt and expectation and pressure. Those don't help the family unit.

SandraDodd.com/eating/dinner
photo by Hannah North

Lovely things

Ren Allen wrote:

Plato said: "The most effective kind of education is that a child should play amongst lovely things."

While I agree wholeheartedly, I think he should have said "The most effective kind of education is that PEOPLE should play amongst lovely things." Learning is for always. Playing amongst lovely things has the power to heal lives, heal families and liberate people. That's really what unschooling is in a nutshell—playing with lovely things, ideas, people and places. We say "living is learning" but "playing is learning" too.

—Ren Allen

SandraDodd.com/rentalk


photo by Janine

When children choose foods

A mom named Evie wrote:

"Everything I've read about has really happened. The first couple of days, my youngest ate nothing but Twinkies and Spider-Man snacks. Then, amazingly enough, he got up the next morning and asked me for grapes for breakfast. You could have knocked me over with a feather! It truly didn't seem possible until I experienced it for myself." —Evie

How does it balance out?
photo by Julie van der Wekken

Easy steps

Thinking of "better choices" instead of "RIGHT choices" is an easy step to a world of other easy steps.

SandraDodd.com/readalittle
photo by Karen James
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Seeing peace

Words and photo by Belinda Dutch:



My teenagers who don’t always find it easy to ‘hang out’ together, sharing the fire. Dog is just out of shot. Louis is watching an instructional video on a game made by a friend and Olly is watching real people jumping horses. I ealised that this would normally be interpreted grumpily as ‘today’s teenagers always plugged in, should participate in the real world more,’ and instead I relish it as ‘my teenagers peacefully hanging out together and with me, while following their passions and engaging with the world.’

Thank you for helping me see that! And if you ever want to use the pic you are welcome :-) it’s nice and wintery….

Learning to See Differently
photo by Belinda Dutch

Make the world better

If by "change the world" a person means "make the world better," then step #1 must be to decide right then not to make the world worse.

SandraDodd.com/philosophy
photo by Lisa Jonick