Change takes time. Don't send the bill. Don't "be nice" for two months and then say "I was nice and you weren't any nicer to me!"
Be nice because being nice is better than not being nice. Do it for yourself and your children.
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SandraDodd.com/betterpartner
photo by Ester Siroky __
There are people whose lives have been transformed because they wanted good relationships with their children and they took small, simple steps to get there.
SandraDodd.com/change/ (Thoughts on Changing)
SandraDodd.com/change.html (How Unschooling Changes People)
SandraDodd.com/gettingit (Unschooling: Getting It)
Those three pages are an impressive collection of the powerful difference a deep understanding of unschooling, and its practice in a home, can make to parents as individuals.
SandraDodd.com/oneonone
photo by Cátia Maciel
Seasons change, and yet it's the same old seasons, in the same old order.
People can change, but they're still people, who get excited about snow, and then frustrated with the same snow, and then tired of snow.
Snow is natural, and it's beautiful. It is natural for people to have short attention spans, to want to make things better, to see what could be, should be, might be, and to think about that instead of what *is*, in that moment. Accept that human nature, like snow, can be welcome, beautiful, irritating, and sometimes dangerous.
Be careful walking, and driving, and help others be safe.
SandraDodd.com/control
photo by Amy Milstein
Someone wrote that some people need to feel secure to make a change.
I responded:
Make changes, and then feel more secure. That's easier.
Little changes, like breathing and calming and smiling.
Little changes, like looking for abundance, and being grateful for little changes.
SandraDodd.com/change.html
photo by Lisa J Haugen
Someone else's question, and part of my answer:
As much as I read,... I seem to slide right back into schoolish ways. How long does it take to really break that bad habit?
Forever.
If you think of it in negative terms ("bad" and not just "break" but "really break"), you will just sit in that negativity, frustrated, forever. You will feel there had to be a winner (you) or a loser (you) and you will be angry with yourself.
The change you need is to live a different way. Step out of the grumpy dark into the calm decision-making choose-joy light.
SandraDodd.com/change
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Sometimes a familiar place, or thing, or person, is warm and soft and safe. Other times there might be special circumstances, or danger, or extra beauty.
Try to model for your children an acceptance of change, and an appreciation of the days when things are calm and simple. Model being more careful when such factors as humidity, temperature or temperament come into play.
SandraDodd.com/change
photo by Vlad Gurdiga
Someone else's question, and part of my answer:
As much as I read,... I seem to slide right back into schoolish ways. How long does it take to really break that bad habit?
Forever.
If you think of it in negative terms ("bad" and not just "break" but "really break"), you will just sit in that negativity, frustrated, forever. You will feel there had to be a winner (you) or a loser (you) and you will be angry with yourself.
The change you need is to live a different way. Step out of the grumpy dark into the calm decision-making choose-joy light.
SandraDodd.com/change
photo by Sandra Dodd
That was written before "Read a little, try a little, wait a while watch." It was also before the pages on Negativity and Positivity.
Karen James took both of these photos. They ended up next to each other in my folder of possible-future-Just-Add-Light images. They made a pair, for me.
One has a framework of sticks that grew slowly and gradually. Sticks they are, still.
The second image shows sticks that were collected and propped up for fun. Each pole had a life, somewhere, one time. A new phase of that life was being part of temporary art. Another phase was being seen and captured from one angle on one day, in one moment. Then I saved it a while. One thing leading to another, now you've seen them.
Look at what else in that scene seems solid, and old. What else seems fragile or transitory? The ocean is ancient, and strong, and it changes too. It moves all day and all night.
Expecting people to be more solid and unchanging than other, older, harder things is an expectation to let go of. People do change, and we see them with our everchanging eyes and thoughts. Learning to accept change is good growth.
SandraDodd.com/acceptance
photos by Karen James
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Someone else's question, and part of my answer:
As much as I read,... I seem to slide right back into schoolish ways. How long does it take to really break that bad habit?
Forever.
If you think of it in negative terms ("bad" and not just "break" but "really break"), you will just sit in that negativity, frustrated, forever. You will feel there had to be a winner (you) or a loser (you) and you will be angry with yourself.
The change you need is to live a different way. Step out of the grumpy dark into the calm decision-making choose-joy light.
SandraDodd.com/change
photo by Sandra Dodd
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In New Mexico there's a kind of cool tradition, of having an old pickup in the back yard. We had this one.
Bonus points if it runs; this one usually did.
If it's turquoise? Jackpot. This one was.
Now, though, it's off to be used by an auto-shop class at Dulce Jr./Sr. High School. It was always a truck passed between Keith and his friend Bob, who was best man at our wedding.
Marty is getting married next month. His best man wasn't born yet when that truck was made. Neither of them went to school, as kids. The bride did. She was a cheerleader at Bernalillo High School.
My kids used to be together all the time, every day, feeling crowded, sometimes. Now they don't see each other for weeks or months.
Things change. Even in the best of peaceful circumstances, things change. Keep your balance, find gratitude and abundance, and accept changes gracefully when you can.
Images from the winter before Kirby moved away.
photos by Sandra Dodd
| Change one thing: timing, route, store, choices, order, station, dishes...
One change affects other perceptions and connections. | Normal or exotic?
photo by Sandra Dodd
If by "change the world" a person means "make the world better," then step #1 must be to decide right then not to make the world worse.
If you replace "world" with "marriage," that idea could still change the world.
Other words you could use insead of "world":
- party
- road trip
- dinner
- visit
- camp-out
- bathtime
- grocery shopping...
SandraDodd.com/philosophy
photo by Ester Siroky
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Change one thing. Smile one sweet smile. Say one kind thing.
Change one thing.
photo by Nicole Kenyon
Colleen Prieto wrote:
Both my husband and I have, through unschooling, gotten into the wonderful habit of immersing ourselves right alongside our son, in his interests, for as long as he's interested. And we've learned and grown and enjoyed ourselves quite thoroughly in the process.
It is definitely funny, in a good way, how life changes you if you let it. —Colleen Prieto
SandraDodd.com/change.html
quote and photo both by Colleen Prieto
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| "A good chunk of our days are filled with gaming, and I wouldn't change a moment of it. My son is learning so much, is healthy both physically and emotionally, and truly loves his life. What more could I hope for?!" —Karen James |
SandraDodd.com/videogames
art by Jalen Owens
Sudden change confuses kids, they don't trust it, they assume it's temporary, and so their behavior reflects that. And it robs parents of the joy of gradually allowing more and more, as the parents learn more and more. You could have said "okay" and "sure" hundreds of times instead of "whatever you want" one time, and the gradual change would have been a joy.
SandraDodd.com/gradualchange
photo by Karen James
Sudden change confuses kids, they don't trust it, they assume it's temporary, and so their behavior reflects that. And it robs parents of the growth from gradually allowing more and more, as the parents learn more and more.
If a parent says "okay" and "sure" hundreds of times instead of "whatever you want" one time, the gradual change can be a joy for everyone. |
"Too Far, Too Fast": SandraDodd.com/problems/toofar
(I changed the original slightly, for focus and flow.)
photo by Janine Davies