Be dignified

Be dignified, if you want your children to respect you and to grow up to be dignified themselves. You cannot maintain your dignity and also embrace INdignity. Breathe and think of your children's need for peace so that unschooling can thrive in your home.

Indignation is not a virtue.

SandraDodd.com/indignation
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Trust and respect

Trust and respect go together. Someone who is trustworthy will be respected.



SandraDodd.com/trust
photo by Julie D.

Whole people, now

Your children are not works in progress. They are whole people, now and from the day they were born. If you can try to see that, rather than think people are not finished until they're finished, it might help you.

SandraDodd.com/respect
photo by Sandra Dodd, of Adam Daniel picking out a souvenir shirt
at the Rattlesnake Museum in Albuquerque
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Giving up, gaining strength

De Smith wrote:

At one point in my early struggles to grasp the concept, I "threw in the towel", thinking that it wasn't "working", and decided I was going back to traditional parenting! Within a day, I knew I could never be that parent, again—if I ever had totally been that parent. I found that once you learned how to respect someone, you couldn't ignore that and treat them with less value, with less honor just because you decided so. For a day or so, that had me desperate and flailing. Eventually, I found it strengthening—it backed up the ideas I so loved and wanted for my family.

—De Smith

SandraDodd.com/unexpected
photo by Sandra Dodd

Hope and gratitude

I hope you find some unschoolers you can trust and respect to help you through the rough spots if you have any, and to share your joys and successes. I know that some of you will become trusted and respected helpers for future unschoolers.

Thank you for the honesty and clarity you might bring to the lives of others now and in years to come.

from The Big Book of Unschooling, page 242 (282 of 2019 edition)
which links to SandraDodd.com/integrity
photo by Holly Dodd
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All the good things follow

“Start with love and respect and all the good things follow—it is not magic, and it is a lot of hard work, especially at the beginning.”

—Marina DeLuca-Howard

Recently quoted by Pam Laricchia here,
and obtained from Quotes for Unschoolers on my site
photo by Sukayna
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Becoming, and being

Becoming the sort of person you hope your child will be, or that your child will respect, is more valuable than years of therapy. And it’s cheaper.

SandraDodd.com/being
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp
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Fill up your family

"You can't give what you don't have," some people say, and if you want your children to give generosity and kindness and patience to others, you should give them so much they're overflowing with it.

It works with respect, too.


SandraDodd.com/spoiledkids
photo by Julie D, of Holly and Adam
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What matters

I am willing to watch it with her because I know she loves it. I affirm something about her by taking her interest, her pleasure seriously. I let her know she matters by making it clear that she matters to me. —Meredith Novak 10 Nov 2015

SandraDodd.com/respect
photo by Karen James

The kids will follow

If you're just starting to homeschool I have a few words of advice: Breathe. Smile. Your kids will be sharing your stress and fear, so move quickly to get over them. Meet experienced homeschoolers and model your practice on families you like and respect. Deschool yourselves, and the kids will follow easily.

SandraDodd.com/pinkcrayons
photo by Sandra Dodd

Who will your children follow?

If parents set a good example, it's easier for kids to learn. It's good for the relationship.

If parents set a bad example, children can still learn better habits, but they might learn by deciding NOT to be like the parent, but rather to be like another adult they respect more. It might be a karate teacher, or a friend's parent. That is NOT good for the relationship, and can affect the parent/child relations for decades.

The above was written in a longer discussion, where I didn't mention that the children might not learn better habits, but might settle for behaving as badly as the parents.

Be the way you hope your children will be.

Similar, but without the quote above:
Thoughts on Respect, by Robyn Coburn
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp

Love and respect

"Start with love and respect and all the good things follow—it is not magic, and it is a lot of hard work especially at the beginning."

—Marina DeLuca-Howard

(one day on Always Learning)
photo by Chrissy Florence
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Respecting young children

Too often, parents expect too much of children younger than seven. Try to respect their imaginary friends or their theories of how the world might work. Don't discourage their fantasies.

SandraDodd.com/piaget
photo by Julie D
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It's all information

Respect trivia.

For school kids, "trivia" means "won't be on the test."

In the absence of tests, where all of life is learning, there IS no "trivia." There is only information.

Principles of Learning (chat transcript)
photo by Sandra Dodd, of tile in Austin
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Polite and confident

"Lead by example. Be polite and confident, show trust and respect to those who deserve it and your kids will do the same."

—Lyle Perry

SandraDodd.com/lyle/list
photo by Sandra Dodd

Bigger, wiser, more whole

Giving children choices helps create a partnership, it helps them learn, it makes them bigger, wiser, more whole.

Pulling them out or pushing them into things keeps them smaller and more powerless.

SandraDodd.com/respect
photo by Sandra Dodd

Become trustworthy

Parents, in order to have their children trust them, should become trustworthy.
. . . .Trust and respect go together. Someone who is trustworthy will be respected.

SandraDodd.com/trust
photo by Lisa Jonick

The family as a base

Parents unschooling as a way of life can discover learning that no school can find—but the core aspect is the family as a base for learning about family, relationships, resources/money, food, about sleep and laughter.

This was from notes I wrote for an interview.
I didn't use them, so they're here now.
SandraDodd.com/respect might charm and soothe.
photo by Sandra Dodd

Respect your kids

"Respect your kids. Too many adults DEMAND respect from kids without showing any respect in return. Doesn't work." —Lyle Perry

How to NOT Screw Up your Kids
photo by Karen James

Respect and acceptance

Respect and acceptance are more important than test scores and "performance." Understanding is more important than recitation.

SandraDodd.com/respect
photo by Sandra Dodd
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