Simple needs

Joyce Fetteroll, in helping others untangle ideas and prejudices about what children think they "need":

If someone needs three glasses of water a day and only gets two, they'll spend the rest of the day trying to get that third glass. So it will seem to others like this person's constantly thirsty and can never get enough. But if he gets three glasses and can have as many as he wants, he won't seem thirsty at all.

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/needs
photo by Karen James

Too much of "too much"

Some people seem terrified of a monster they have imagined called "Screen Time."

I don't see them trying to put limits on paper time, or cloth time, or time with other people. I've never heard anyone say "That's enough 'imagination time' now."

SandraDodd.com/screentime

Photo by Robin Yaeger! Several people took photos that night and if you click it you can see others of an impromptu Beatles Rock Band fest that took place during the Monkeyplatter Festival in 2009.

Fantastic

I cannot fathom wanting my son to have Less of whatever brings him joy. Because as far as I know, he will only live once—and I want that life — his life — to be amazing. Not mediocre, or moderate, or almost-good-enough. I want it to be fantastic. Fantastic!! —Colleen Prieto

SandraDodd.com/abundance
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp

Imaginary magical gifts

From an article about coming-out parties for unschoolers:

What if you could give magical gifts? How about the ability to change bodies long enough to see the world as your children see it? Perhaps just a few doses of magic to make time stand still, just a little while. More time and space? Unlimited patience! Friendly neighbors. A perepetually well-running van in the mom's favorite color. Intuitive knowledge of child development would be a good gift for homeschoolers and all their friends, neighbors and relatives. If you figure out how to produce such gifts, please remember me after your friends have all they need.

Unschoolers' Coming-Out Parties: Wishlists for Unschoolers
photo by Lydia Koltai

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The link above is full of of actual practical non-fantasy ideas, but it was written in 1999. If you read it, think of current and future supplies and gifts for children.

Bonus link: Abundance

Learning by experience

"I think respectful parenting is similar to learning to ride a bike. The bike, gravity, pavement all provide feedback on whether you've got it right. Or right enough to work. And then you work on refining it. And you don't forget because it's learning by doing. Learning through immersion. We don't make them do it right. We help them think through the problem, provide information, and help them as they try out solutions. It's often the less than optimal solutions -- as long as they aren't going to injure themselves or harm others -- that are the most instructive because they can see *why* other ways work better. They can see and experience the consequences and the learning is far deeper than being told how to do it right."

—Joyce Fetteroll

"You are nuts!"
photo by Lydia Koltai

Trees need...

A good analogy for helping children grow in their own ways is the growth of trees from seed. An apple seed cannot grow an oak tree. Each seed has within it all it needs to know what kind of roots and leaves it will make. What young trees need is good soil, enough water, and protection from damage.

SandraDodd.com/unexpectedarticle
photo by Janine Davies
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Enough to learn

[Some people say] "I used to control this (or that) and now that I don't, and I told them they can do whatever they want to..."

Too big a jump.

If your kids ask for another one (potato, cookie, peanut butter sandwich) I think it's helpful if you just say "Sure!" and make another one, even if you don't think they'll finish it, even if you think they'll be too full or whatever. As long as they're not eating someone else's share (and even so, if the other person agrees), it's not a big deal. If they don't finish, save the leftover for someone else. If they do finish and they're "too full" that's how they'll learn their capacity (which will change anyway as they get older).

SandraDodd.com/eating/control
photo by Sandra Dodd
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More happy childhood

There are things I would love to go back and redo, but though I'm not completely satisfied, I'm not ashamed either. When I said "okay" to Kirby I was saying okay to the little Sandra inside me who might otherwise have built up some jealous resentment about this new kid getting to do things I never got to do. It was healing to imagine that if my mom had been fortunate enough to have other influences and better circumstances maybe she would have said yes to me more often too.

... By sharing my children's lives, there has been more happy childhood in my own life.

SandraDodd.com/youngadults
photo by Sandra Dodd
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This is a repeat from February 2012, because midnight arrived and for me and Cinderella, that's a serious deadline.

Cursive or joined-up writing

Here is a topic that doesn't apply to everyone. Nice!

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"But cursive is faster," you might think or say. That's what John Holt thought. He thought it because that was the justification given to him as a child when people taught cursive (though he was old enough to have used fountain pens not just for fun).

In his book Learning All the Time, John Holt tells of having taught fifth grade and having explained to them what he "knew" about cursive writing. But three of those ten- and eleven-year-old children could print faster than the teacher could write in cursive. They raced. They timed it more than once. He discovered he was the fourth fastest writer in the room.

SandraDodd.com/cursive
Brits use the term "joined-up writing" and theirs is a connected sort of italic script. Canadians use "manuscript writing", I think. Americans use "cursive."

Joyous moments

Schuyler Waynforth wrote:

Right now, in front of the television, there are a slew of origami papers and markers and paper dolls and other bits and bobs from Linnaea crafting one or another thing. As I peer closer I can see a bird she made and drawings she's drawn and planes she designed as toys for the kittens. I will probably go over and tidy it up in a little bit, to keep the pieces safer from folks walking around and to make sure that there isn't food for the ants.

It takes only a moment to turn what you describe as rubble into a series of activities, of joyous moments. They are still-lifes waiting to be interpreted. I can see the shadow of her sitting there and doing and making and talking and turning to Simon to show him or running to fly the plane she made in the hallway to see if it would fly well enough to engage whichever kitten it was designed to amuse, or calling to me to come and interpret whichever fold the origami book was describing onto the paper she was folding.

It isn't rubble, it is her life.

—Schuyler Waynforth

The writing was saved and commented on by Renee Cabatic. An exchange between Renee and Schuyler is here:
Life is Good and the amazing Schuyler Waynforth
photo by Cátia Maciel

(I'm sorry not to have a photo of the original origami birds and planes, but I found some other kid-engineering evidence.)

Healthy gratitude

I'm writing this just after returning from a long afternoon at the urgent care center.

If you're reading it in health, at home or out doing something that takes strength and stamina, please breathe in a bit of appreciation of your abilities and breathe out enough gratitude to share.

SandraDodd.com/gratitude
photo by Holly Dodd

"Try not to learn."

I was once asked:

Since unschooling is a lifestyle, how can a family wanting to embrace these ideals begin the process? What encouragement would you offer?

Part of my 1998 response:

Play. Joke. Sing. Instead of turning inward and looking for the answer within the family, within the self, turn it all inside out. Get out of the house. Go somewhere you've never been, even a city park you're unfamiliar with, or a construction site, or a different grocery store. Try just being calm and happy together. For some families, that's simple. For others it's a frightening thought.

Try not to learn. Don't try to learn. Those two aren't the same thing but they're close enough for beginners. If you see something *educational* don't say a word. Practice letting exciting opportunities go by, or at least letting the kids get the first word about something interesting you're all seeing.

The "Try not to learn" idea inspired Learn Nothing Day ten years later.
The quote is from An Interview with Sandra Dodd
photo by Sandra Dodd

Good things swirl

Debbie Regan wrote:

Children prosper when parents are able to provide enough sense of safety, calmness and support, that feelings of peace and joy are close at hand. From there the business of childhood—exploring and learning about the world can progress unimpeded by stress. Stress is a distraction from the natural flow of curiosity, focus, joy, excitement, engagement, creativity, emotional awareness, learning...

The more peace and mindfulness I bring in my home, the more all those good things swirl around.

—Debbie Regan

The quote was in a passing discussion, but you might like this: SandraDodd.com/peace/becoming
photo by Julie D
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When Holly wanted plums

Pam Sorooshian wrote this ten years ago:

I went to New Mexico and Sandra picked me up at the airport. We then went to three grocery stores, one right after another, because Holly (who was maybe 4 or 5 at the time) was really wanting some plums and the first couple of stores we went to didn't have any. She wasn't being terribly demanding or whiny or anything—just saying, "Mommy I REALLY would love to have a plum."


So we drove around—which was great because I got to see a bit of Albuquerque—and we got her some plums and she munched happily in the back seat while we talked. I was very impressed with Sandra's willingness to do this—most people would have thought it was MORE than enough to stop at even one grocery store because a child had a sudden urge to eat a plum. Most people would have just brushed off the child's urge (do we brush off our OWN urges like that?)

I thought then, and it has been confirmed for me on many occasions since, that when kids know that their parents are willing to go out of their own way to help them get what they want, that the kids end up usually more understanding and able to more easily accept it when parents don't give them what they want.

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/yes
photo by Sandra Dodd, of a chimney assortment in Linlithgow

Different uses for things

For fun, or for practice, be flexible enough to use items for things other than their "intended purpose."

In the 1970s, I was told that it's a sign of intelligence, if a person can creatively use an object well for something it was not designed for.

Following cats might lead you to new ideas: Just Add Cats...
photo by Colleen Prieto

Sweet little moments

Sometimes the solution is to forget about the larger problem and be physically comforting to your child right then, that moment, and smile and sit in a rocking chair or something.

Enough sweet little moments like that, and "the big problems" don't seem so big.

this and more at *Being* with kids
photo by Schuyler Waynforth

Fairly easy

Deb Lewis wrote:

Figure out what would help you the most and make the changes to make it happen. Maybe that means putting a garbage can in every room, having baskets or bins to chuck stuff into, having a container of those premoistened cleaning wipes in every room. Get a Roomba and let it go. Cook enough for two meals one night so you don't have to cook the next night, etc. Joyce recommended a pizza night so you don't have to cook. You could have sandwich night and everyone can eat off paper towels.

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/chores/unfair
photo by Rachel Singer
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Perspective and math

Two responses to a newcomer's question: "How do you approach math?"

I wrote:

The real answer is not to "approach math," but to learn how to see all of the patterns, measuring, relationships, weights, game play, sports stats, poker hands that are math in its natural environment.

Jo Isaac wrote:

The question you really want to ask is how do you deschool enough that you know you don't need to 'approach math' at all.

The longer answers are on facebook here.
photo by Sandra Dodd

Separation

Learning and life CAN be separated, with enough enforced separation and schooling, but that improves neither on learning nor on life.

SandraDodd.com/help
photo by Sandra Dodd, at a truck stop in Texas

Do more.

If you don't feel like you're doing enough, do more. Karen James remembered me writing that, and a few years later she repeated it to another mom, with a nice addition: "Do more. Have fun. In my experience, it's truly contagious!"

SandraDodd.com/howto/precisely
photo by Sandra Dodd