Loving and patient

In families in which parents have considered themselves partners in their children's rich lives, teens don't have the desperate urge to leave. A natural desire to leave the nest does kick in, as it does for many mammals. It might have kicked in sooner if the culture didn't require parents to take care of their children and be responsible for them until they were 18 years old. I know dozens of teens up close, by name, who are loving and patient with their parents even though the parents are getting old and forgetful. Teens can be helpful and generous with parents and siblings when they themselves have been generously helped up to that point.

from "Saying Yes to Teens" in The Big Book of Unschooling (page 252 or 293)
which links to
SandraDodd.com/yes

photo by Belinda Dutch

Inside choices

Someone wrote, of a six-year-old, once:

She's currently refusing to go outside.

I responded:

She can't refuse if no one is pressuring or demanding.

SandraDodd.com/rebellion
photo by Deb Lewis

Other aspects

Usually I remind people to see things directly.

Today I'm inviting people to play with light and images though, and—just for fun—to look very indirectly. Trick your eyes; trick other people's eyes, but sweetly, like little magic tricks.

There can be learning there, too. As long as those involved are having fun, good memories and connections will be made. When someone's not having fun anymore, go back to being directly there.

Reflections on Mirrors
photo by Holly Dodd

What is unschooling?

Unschooling would be difficult to understand even if it were easy to define. From the point of view of the parent, it is creating and maintaining an environment in which natural learning flourishes.

SandraDodd.com/definitions
photo by Kinsey Norris

Nurturing

Whether from playing, helping, stories or examples, children begin to learn about nurturance very young.

With a generous heart, nurturing nurtures the nurturer.

Nurturing, in all directions
photo by Elise Lauterbach

Kindness, and rich lives

Meredith Novak wrote:

There's a common parenting myth that making our kids' lives easier, being sweet and kind and gentle with them, makes them greedy and unfit for adult life.

It is not true.

Kids learn from experience. When they experience a lot of kindness, they learn the value of kindness in very real, concrete ways. When we make their lives easier, we make it easier for them to learn more and more richly. And they're happier. And that makes parenting easier, because we're not dealing with kids who are stressed out and frustrated.

—Meredith Novak

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more about Abundance
photo of Brie and baby Noor, years ago
Noor is attending university now.

Babies, words, variations

English has MANY words for things. A sandwich can be a sandwich, a snack, dinner, a tuna sandwich or a grilled cheese. A dog can be a puppy or a guard dog or a pet or a beagle or a poodle. A flower might be a tulip or a gift. A gift might be a present, or a birthday present.

Not just English! The quote above is from a discussion years ago in which someone recommended using one single word for each thing, when talking to a young child, and not to use baby talk.

Experienced unschoolers merrily disassembled her theory and built something prettier.

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Talking to Babies
photo by Sarah Dickinson