See what you have

The difference between poverty and abundance is sometimes the ability to see what one has. There have been times when I didn't have a car, we had a leaky roof, and the washing machine wasn't working. There have been more times that the car and washing machine were functioning, the house was solid, and I forgot to appreciate it.

from Gratitude, page 213 of The Big Book of Unschooling
(page 185, first edition)
photo by Elise Lauterbach

Know what you're asking

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

It's said Alexander the Great founded at least 20 cities named Alexandria. So 2300 years ago if you were to ask someone for directions to Alexandria, you needed to know which you meant before following their directions!

Same with unschooling. To find ideas that will work for you, keep reassessing where you want to go, what you want for your family, what person you want to be rather than heading for "unschooling".

Ask yourself, "Will that idea move toward or away from helping my child explore his interests?" "Will that idea move me toward or away from being a kinder person?"

—Joyce Fetteroll

That is the middle of some longer writing, from a discussion here:
philosophical question on equality of ideas and learning
photo by Brie Jontry

Advice for a newlywed

To have a more peaceful, loving relationship that has the potential to last for a lifetime, don't count and don't measure.

Don't divide anything "fifty/fifty." Forget that concept. Give what you have. Do all you can do. Give/do 80% when you can, but only measure it vaguely, at a squint, and then forget about it. If you aim for half, there will be resentments. If you aim for 100%, small failures will seem larger than they need to be, so don't do that. You can succeed at "lots" without measuring.

If each of you gives as much as you can, your shared needs will be fulfilled more quickly, more easily, and more often.

Be generous with your patience. Life is long. People change, and more than once.
I wrote that for a young friend getting married, and I quoted it here:
Becoming a Better Partner
photo by Vlad Gurdiga
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Sometimes, be still.

Sometimes, be still.


Don't be still all the time—kids and life are busy, busy, busy! Notice moments of stillness, and breathe there.

Doing it,   Still
photo by Gail Higgins

What it means

"Being there unconditionally for our children nurtures the beautiful side of the human spirit that resides in each one of us. It cleans it. Reveals it. Keeps it fresh. It feeds it. It brings it to life. Makes it grow and helps it thrive. It's a gift to the receiver and to the giver, and it leads both parties to a greater understanding of what it means to love."

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/growth
photo by Sarah Dickinson

Love what you love

What one person fears, another might love.

Don't be afraid to like what others avoid or reject. There might be something in or about you, too, that seems irrational or wrong to someone. It's good to be different, but it's fine to like what most people like. Don't be afraid if your preferences change.

Feel your own feelings, and love what you love.

SandraDodd.com/parentingpeacefully
photo by Janine Davies
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Playing with connections

I found something to share, but it seemed too long. While looking for a place to put it, I came upon a link to posts in this blog that are about play and playing.

These two images came up one after the other. They were posted seven years apart, but they're similar, and the posts they link to were called "Playing around" and "Play around." They're links here, and the quote follows.


Someone wrote in 2011:

I do worry about my boys playing computer all day.

I responded:

I have three kids who have played hundreds of games among and between them--Holly learned two new card games just this month that nobody else in the family knows, even her dad who has been a big games guy all his life. There is no game called "computer." I think you mean playing ON the computer. HUGE difference.

We have dozens of nice board games here, and table games (games involving cards or other pieces, to be laid out on a table as play proceeds), but those aren't referred to as kids playing board, or kids playing table.

The computer is not itself the game. There are games on the computer. There is information on the computer. It's not really a net. It's not really a web. It's millions of ideas, words, jokes, pictures, games, a ton of music and videos and.... But you know that, right?

Clarity can begin with being careful with the words you use. Thinking about what you write will help you think about what you think!

(The quote is from halfway down here.)
photos by Sandra Dodd and Karen James