Expectations

"I suspect that any time a parent new to unschooling starts thinking 'This isn't working' it is because they are holding on to an expectation.

"Expectations can get in the way of seeing what is really happening."

—Robyn Coburn

SandraDodd.com/expectations or Attentes
photo by Sandra Dodd, of a house key in The Netherlands
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Much more than half

I've given this advice to newlyweds, and to my oldest child the first time he had a roommate:

Don't aim for 50/50.

If 50% is right, then 49% is wrong, and 65% would be something get angry about.

If you both aim for more than half, you'll meet around the middle, around half the time. If you want the other person to stick around, "around" is the goal.

SandraDodd.com/peace/mama
photo by Sandra Dodd
P.S. Nearly six years later and three houses later, Kirby still lives with that roommate, who is engaged. He and his fianceé custom-ordered a new home, designed to accommodate Kirby comfortably.
Don't measure.

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2020 update: Thirteen years later, Kirby is married, with three children, in a house in Albuquerque. They all get along sweetly.

Time and Perspective

As our children get older, our perspective changes, but no matter how lofty the view, we can't see forever.

Deb Lewis wrote:
"In looking back I've not only had the pleasure of revisiting a lot of wonderful moments, but I've also had the surprise gift of perspective, which reveals overwhelming evidence of natural learning. What I always believed to be true is no longer a matter of trust or faith; it is fact.. . . ."He is surrounded by the things that interest humans in the twenty-first century. He is surrounded by the whole of human history. He is a citizen of the world in a time when access to information has never been easier. He is learning all the time."

SandraDodd.com/deblewis/years
photo by Bob Cogliser

Being a mother

"If you are choosing to be a mother, move beyond playing at it, and *be* it."

—Pam Laricchia

Are You Playing the Role of “Mother”? by Pam Laricchia
(see also, if you're having fun, SandraDodd.com/being)
photo by Colleen Prieto

Just for now

"The big thing is to remember that you don't need once-and-for-all solutions, just for-now solutions." —Meredith Novak

the original quote, on Always Learning
or those who aren't in that group might like SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Colleen Prieto

Commitment to unschooling

In response to a question about commitment...

My best recommendation is to create and maintain such a rich and joyful unschooling life that the child won't want to go to school. That's the direction "commitment to unschooling" should take.

SandraDodd.com/interviews/naturalparenting2010
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Deep and wide and whole

Once someone wrote that her child was doing passive things, and had no interest in learning the basics. Amy Carpenter wrote something wonderful about active learning. This is just a bit of it. There's a link to the rest, below.

We recently took Fisher to a Blue Man Group concert—his first real "grown-up" show. Again, I could see all the connections being made—he watched how the instruments were being played, listened to how the sounds and the rhythms came together, jumped and bopped his head and let it all come together inside of him. His knowledge and awareness of music is growing deep and wide—it's not about "the basics," but about a gestalt, a holistic, systemic approach.

When you ask what component you are missing, this is what I keep coming up with. Are you looking in the wrong places? Are you looking for the basics when in fact, your son's knowledge and understanding is deep and wide and whole? What you see as "basic" are just a few Lego pieces that he'll fill in as he goes—but in looking for those, are you missing the incredibly large, whole creation that he's built up?

from Amy Carpenter's writing, here: SandraDodd.com/activeunschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd
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