Disharmony for a good cause

Cognitive dissonance ROCKS.

It rocks your thoughts around and old things can fit together in new ways.

In case anyone here is spooked by the term "cognitive dissonance," it's just a disturbance in the mental force. Brain racket. Edgy discomfort.

Wikipedia has a cool article on it, with links: Cognitive dissonance

The text above is the entirety of a May 31, 2005 post at Unschooling Discussion.
Poking around on an old hard disk, I found some text collected for a conference presentation, and wasn't sure if it was even my writing, but googled it up and there it was, from 2005. I do love the internet.

photo by Sandra Dodd

Nice harmony

This is from Gail Higgins, written around 2005.

As I became more aware of my kids needs and responded to that it just naturally carried over to my husband.

Our relationship is so much stronger now and part of it is just because I'm nicer now! I think I used to be so controlling of our lives that it affected us all in a negative way. I'm still working on it but just the awareness of what I was doing has led to changes.

There are very few times when our lives don't seem in harmony these days...it's the best bonus I could have ever imagined.

SandraDodd.com/unexpected
photo by Sandra Dodd

Too much noise

I woke up with voices in my head, but it was my own voice. Too many words. "What if...?" and "How will...?"

The peace and safety of my children, even though they're young adults, was running through my mind, and what could go wrong, and what if one of them makes a bad decision, or an awkward mistake, or forgets to do something, or...

Then I remembered what I was doing at their age, each of them. Most of it ended up needing to be undone, or recovered from. But I remember, and those things informed my decisions ever after.


An agitated mom won't help any of us. And the agitation didn't show. It was nothing but thoughts racing and tumbling, tighter-than-necessary muscles, so early in the morning.

I made moves to calm myself, and to take several small positive steps. Breathe. Put clean cutlery away. Fill the birdfeeders. Feed the cat. Check on Holly, who isn't feeling well and was muttering in her bed.

And I began to think of things to be grateful for this morning. My children are alive and healthy. They are thoughtful and energetic. We have seed to give birds, and food for our cats. Holly has a good pillow and warm covers. She will feel better.

I can breathe and be still and not be knocked down by thoughts. Thoughts can lift me up. I can turn down the volume. I can switch channels.

SandraDodd.com/gratitude
photo by Sandra Dodd

The photo is a link to something written when I had three teens.
They were 21, 24 and 26 on February 7, 2013, when I was worried in the morning.
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Notice joy

If you practice noticing and experiencing joy, if you take a second out of each hour to find joy, your life improves with each remembrance of your new primary goal.

SandraDodd.com/joy
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Real life in the real world

"Scientific studies have their place in the world, but we can't let them stand in the way of seeing the real-world behavior of our real life kids."

—Meredith Novak

SandraDodd.com/eating/healthfood
photo by Julie D
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Shared fun

The side benefits are family togetherness, common experiences, and fun!

As partners and supporters, if one of us is having fun, the others are glad, and happy, and often right in the midst of that same fun.

SandraDodd.com/unexpected
photo by Julie D
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A softer vision of the world

What happens when you see other people differently is that you cannot help but see yourself differently. When you choose to find opportunities to give other people choices, you yourself have begun to make more choices.

When you begin to see learning from new and interesting angles, you yourself are learning about learning (in addition to all the things about bugs or food, bridges or clouds or trains that you're learning with your children, or when they're not even there).

Your softer, clearer vision of the world makes you a softer, clearer person.

Wednesday, February 6 chat on Personal Change
photo by Orion Larson
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