Peaceful bedtime

This was written by Joanna Murphy in 2009:

The biggest mistake I made in transitioning to radical unschooling was that I didn't transition. I thought I needed to make a pronouncement about bedtimes and food. I really didn't. I now, many years later, see that I just needed to make MY shifts in seeing how to support them and facilitate their lives—and then do it.

My son asked me, soon after we "stopped doing bedtimes" to please be more present with bedtimes. I had an idea that he "needed" to make these decisions for himself—but that wasn't true for him at all. It was too big and scary, and he stopped wanting to go to bed—probably because he didn't want to face the lights-out transition alone. 20/20 hindsight! LOL I really didn't get that there might be fear and/or abandonment involved—that insight came much later.

We now have a way that works well for us that everyone goes to bed with the last adult (that can stay awake—LOL). It is more important to both my kids to have that help and companionship at bedtime than it is to stay up late. It also supports their desires to do things earlier, since they are still both sleeping about 11 hours. If they go to bed much later than me, the next day is mostly gone when they wake up (as far as doing things with other people).

—Joanna Murphy

SandraDodd.com/sleeping
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Heroics

Protect your child from bad guys. Anyone who wants to break up your team or bring your relationship into question is a bad guy. Be your child's protector and defender. Be a hero.

When your child does sweet and tender things for you, don't brush her aside. Pay attention to nurturing gestures. Acknowledge them. Let your child be your hero sometimes, too.

From page 67 (or 72) of The Big book of Unschooling
but a good online match is SandraDodd.com/partners/child
photo by Sandra Dodd

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P.S. Do not make the other parent your bad guy. That harms your child.

Slight shifts

Unschooling is more like a dance between partners who are so perfectly in synch with each other that it is hard to tell who is leading. The partners are sensitive to each others' little indications, little movements, slight shifts and they respond. Sometimes one leads and sometimes the other.

—Pam Sorooshian

Being your child's PARTNER, not his adversary
photo by Sandra Dodd

A little bit

"It helps a lot to try for better moments not days. Don't judge a day by one upset, judge it as a bad moment and move forward. A little bit better each moment. A little bit more aware."

—Schuyler Waynforth

SandraDodd.com/parentingpeacefully
photo by Sandra Dodd, in Austin, 2011
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Examine a word

A parent cannot decipher words for a child. Only the child can decipher written language. You can help! You can help LOTS of ways. One way would be to gain an interest in the words you use yourself, and stop once in a while to examine one, its history, why it means what it means.

SandraDodd.com/etymology photo by Sandra Dodd

Spontaneity, more than control

If you want to make the sun come up, first see what time it's expected to rise, and command it right at that moment.

If you want to make children do what you want, find out what they want to do and would enjoy doing, and make it seem like you've provided that thing or opportunity, if you want, at first, if it makes you feel like you made the sun come up. But those who insist that they should and can and will control another person often end up alone, emotionally if not physically.

To have a life of learning and joy, spontaneity is more important than control. Acceptance is more valuable than resistance.

The quote is from page 29 (or 32) of The Big Book of Unschooling but this link will work: SandraDodd.com/control

photo by Sandra Dodd
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"What about socialization?"

Sometimes when people ask “What about socialization?” I say "What do you mean?"

And I wait patiently for them to think of a response.

Usually the question is asked by rote, the same way adults ask stranger-children "Where do you go to school?" Most people just blink and stammer, because they don't even know what they meant when they asked it.



SandraDodd.com/socialization
photo by Sandra Dodd
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