Smell imaginary flowers

When people hear "stop and smell the roses" they think of thorns, and ownership, and the cost of the roses, and whether they require more water than xeriscaping would. That's why deep breathing helps. It makes brains slow down. Although it's usually dolled up as formal meditation or chanting or yoga (which has other benefits, certainly, but for my current argument, the breathing...)... what it immediately does is slow the heart which stills the brain. And then thoughts can step gently and slowly around, instead of trying to jump on the speeding train of brains going the speed of people who are thinking of cost and future and past and promotion and danger and they're breathing fast, fast, fast. And shallow, shallow, shallow.

Deep breaths change everything, for a few moments.

Shallow breathing maintains a state. If you're angry or afraid and you breathe shallowly, you stay that way.
If you're calm (as in a meditative state) then breathing shallowly maintains it, once you've gotten there.

SandraDodd.com/breathing
photo by Sandra Dodd, in the village of Tissington
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Happy thoughts

It takes practice to separate thought from words, especially while one is reading. There are other non-verbal ways to examine and communicate, but for the analytical thinking involved in learning about something new, or deciding how to react, we often use words, even if only in our thoughts.

Words have the power to harm, to limit and to sadden. So be careful with words. Use the good ones, the happy ones.

SandraDodd.com/words/words
photo by Sandra Dodd
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There y'go!

When you know how you want to be, the next step is to make conscious decisions in a "getting warm" or "getting cold" kind of way. Not all steps will be forward, but if the majority of steps are in your chosen direction, there y'go!

"Becoming the Parent you Want to Be," page 194, The Big Book of Unschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Out of this world?

School has become so much a part of life in the past few decades that it seems to some that taking their children out of school is like leaving the planet altogether. You will be relieved, then, to discover that school takes kids out of the world but unschooling gives it back. I know it can sound wrong and crazy. Keep reading. Keep watching your kids. Listen to your memories of childhood.

SandraDodd.com/deschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Where and how are you being?

"Being there for and with the family" seems so simple and yet many parents miss out on it without even leaving the house. Maybe it's because of English. Maybe we think we're "being there with our family" just because we can hear them in the other room. There is a special kind of "being" and a thoughtful kind of "with" that are necessary for unschooling and mindful parenting to work.



SandraDodd.com/being
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Interested and Interesting

In July 2009 I spoke at a small conference in London. This is about strewing for teens, from the notes for one of those presentation. Most of it would work for people of any age, though!

Your family needs to be interested and interesting.

Go places.
Bring things and people in.
Visit friends of yours who have cool stuff or do interesting things.

Ask him to go with you if you take the dog to the vet. Drive home different ways and take your time.

Putz around. Go to the mall some morning when it's not at all full of teens and window-shop.

If you can at all afford it, find something in another town like a play, concert, museum, event and take him there. Stay overnight.

Go touristing somewhere not too far from you. Like if you had out of town guests, but just go with your son.

Watch DVDs together.

Is there something you do that he might want to learn? Is there something you could learn together? Maybe the two of you could take a class or join a group that does... photography, hiking, quilting, scrapbooking, pottery, woodworking...

When Marty and I were going to the credit union to get money to get a used Jeep he wanted, I took Holly and her boyfriend along. That was a learning and sharing experience for us all.

SandraDodd.com/strewing
photo by Sandra Dodd

What will you regret?

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

"None of us are perfect; we'll all have some regrets. But with my kids 19, 16, and 13, I can now say that I will never say anything like, 'I wish I'd let them fight it out more,' or 'I wish I'd punished them more,' or 'I wish I'd yelled at them more.' I will only ever say that I wish I'd been more patient, more attentive, more calm and accepting of the normal stresses of having young children.

"One interaction at a time. Just make the next interaction a relationship-building one. Don't worry about the one AFTER that, until IT becomes 'the next one'."

—Pam Sorooshian
(whose daughters are now 20 to 26 years old)

SandraDodd.com/parentingpeacefully
photo by Sandra Dodd
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