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New things and new places present themselves all the time. We can't do or go everywhere. Sometimes we choose "same" over "new" because we love "same." There are movies I've watched over and over, and movies I've never seen. Some people read the same book again, or listen to favorite music repeatedly. There are pictures I've drawn more than once, and stories I've told several times. People will walk or ride a bike or skateboard along the same route they've traveled before.

If someone wants to go to a place he's already been rather than to a new place, it will still be somewhat new and different each time. When I see a movie I haven't seen for a long time, I see it with new knowledge and maturity. My perspective is different, even if the movie itself is exactly as it ever was.

New things and new places can be familiar places under different circumstances.



SandraDodd.com/again
photo by Sandra, of a gate in Albuquerque's Old Town

Wonder

Be ready to find beauty and newness in unexpected places.
See with a child's eyes.



SandraDodd.com/wonder

Being a safe place

Make yourself your child's safest place in the world, and many of your old concerns will just disappear.

Instead of requiring that my kids had to hold my hand in a parking lot, I would park near a cart and put some kids in right away, or tell them to hold on to the cart (a.k.a. "help me push", so a kid can be between me and the cart). And they didn't have to hold a hand. There weren't enough hands. I'd say "Hold on to something," and it might be my jacket, or the strap of the sling, or the backpack, or something.

I've seen other people's children run away from them in parking lots, and the parents yell and threaten. At that moment, going back to the mom seems the most dangerous option.

Make yourself your child's safest place in the world, and many of your old concerns will just disappear.


The Big Book of Unschooling
page 67 (71, second edition)
photo by Sandra, on Diwali, in Bangalore
__ ___

Sleep

Whenever possible, let children wear something they could sleep in. Or let them sleep in something that wasn't really for sleeping. Put sleep above tradition or appearances. The purpose of sleep doesn't require special equipment or costumes.



Twice in the past week, I've fallen asleep in my clothes, and the sleep was wonderful. The photo is of a camphor lamp, to keep mosquitos away, in the room I'm staying in this month in India.

The top quote is from the "Toddlers" section of The Big Book of Unschooling
(page 66, or page 71 in the 2019 edition)

Individual balance

One's world can be richer with a special focus than if it is (as they say) more "balanced." Balance too often means "nothing special, nothing extraordinary."

Focus, Hobbies, Obsessions (SandraDodd.com/focus)

photo by Holly Dodd

What have you sacrificed?

I think forbidding toy guns is another instance of superstitious magic practiced unwittingly by parents.

The idea that one can make a sacrifice to assure future success is ancient among humans, isn't it?

Deprivation doesn't create appreciation. It creates some or all of desire, neediness, curiosity, fascination, resentment, obsession, anger...

Unfortunately the real sacrifice parents make too often is their child's happiness and their own hope of a full and healthy relationship with that child and future adult.

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The quote is from the page on Toy Guns.
The photo is of Marty and Holly, as zombie hunters, Halloween 2008.

Other Unschoolers

Teens who were always unschooled *know* things that other people don't know. My children, for example, know one can learn to read without being taught. They don't think it, kind of believe it, or have a theory about it. They know that it's possible to be honest and trust your parents. They know it's possible for a fourteen year old girl to hang out with her older brothers pleasantly and at their request. They understand why those with unlimited TV in their own rooms can go a long time without turning it on, or why they might want to leave it on to sleep. They have years of experience with the fact that someone with the freedom to choose to stay awake will get sleepy at some point and want to go to bed and sleep. They all understand when it's worth going to sleep even though fun things are going on, and they know how to decide when it's worth setting an alarm to get up.

There are many adults who don't know those things.


"Unschooled Teens: How are they as people?"
SandraDodd.com/teen/people

Photo of the water bottle from the Albuquerque Live and Learn Conference,
in the window, in our bathroom in Albuquerque,
by Sandra, for the way the light shone through it.