New truths

"A lot of learning about unschooling is unlearning a lot of stuff that you're sure is true about learning."

—Joyce Fetteroll

More by Joyce about How Unschooling Works
and the original writing, of which the line above is just the closing
photo by Sandra Dodd

Don't fight nature

"Unschooling involves recognizing that fighting against human nature doesn't make better people."

—Meredith Novak

SandraDodd.com/pressure
photo by Sandra Dodd

The power to give kids choices

If children have freedom to choose, it's because the parents GIVE them that freedom, because they have the power to give it to them.

For a parent to absolutely decide that he will never "insist" is going way too far, I think. Not only could it be, in some cases, illegal and neglectful, if the parent isn't even clear on what her duties and responsibilities are as a parent, maybe she isn't thinking clearly about other things, either.

Part of something long about If-then contracts
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Happy momentum

Jenny Cyphers wrote:

One of the very important aspects of unschooling that is solely on the parents, is to create a happy learning environment. Kids don't learn nearly as well when they aren't happy. It doesn't mean that every person needs to be happy at every moment of every day, it means that things that create happy momentum should be paramount from day to day.

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/happy
photo by Sandra Dodd

Count one. One. One.

If every day you help a child gently, generously, directly, personally, that's hundreds of times a year.

By the time that child is fifteen, then you will have helped him, or her, thousands of times.

Sandra Dodd, from a talk given in Minnesota in 2013 and Gold Coast 2014.
photo by Robbie Prieto

You can't imagine.

Being a child's partner in exploring the world is valuable in more ways than people can imagine, if they haven't done it.

SandraDodd.com/adelaide
photo by Karen James

See it more and more

See learning as your priority, and you will begin to see it more and more.

SandraDodd.com/cairns
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Be whole; be childlike

A movie reviewer on the Australia Broadcasting Company, giving a just so-so review of The Lego Movie, explained herself to the other reviewer by saying "My inner child was buried long ago."

Don't reject the playful, hopeful parts of you thinking that it's the mature thing to do. A person can't be whole if part of her was buried long ago.

originally here at Radical Unschooling Info on facebook
photo by Sandra Dodd

Love and coolness

Deb Lewis, about unschoolers' difficulty with parental disapproval:

What I discovered is that the people who love *you* will love you even if they think you're crazy. Sometimes their concern is an indication of their love for you and your children. And who couldn't use more love? Helping those people feel easier about your choices, if you can, is worth the time and effort. Do what you think is right for your kids, help your parents feel easier about it, if you can. In time, your children will be so cool and smart, your parents won't have any choice but to agree you did everything right!

—Deb Lewis

Special guest: Deb Lewis chat transcript
photo by Sandra Dodd

Teenagers are...

"Teenagers are just your babies grown big." —Schuyler Waynforth March 29, 2014 Gold Coast symposium

SandraDodd.com/teens
photo by Sandra Dodd

Clearly living

"It's not about being great or reaching lofty goals. If that happens—awesome! To me though, a life well lived is one where our motivation for doing what we do is clear in our own minds and hearts."

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/happy
photo by Sandra Dodd

To have with you throughout your life

Ben Lovejoy wrote:

I split hairs about rules and principles because I see and have lived with the differences, and I believe they represent two opposing forces in a home and school environment. Principles are internal; rules, external. We enforce principles for ourselves, while others force rules upon us. Principles are something people stand for and seem to have with them throughout their lives. Rules are something people tend to follow and just as soon cast aside once the situation that warranted the rules in the 1st place is over and done with. Principles represent a standard of conduct that people uphold because the standard stands for something important to them. Principles come from observation, reflection, and active discussions with others. Rules are more like borders that contain someone and can only be crossed with specific permission. They’re usually cut and pasted from another generation’s set of rules, and figuratively hung from the homes and offices of the plagiarists with the same reverence as a diploma. The problem is there is absolutely nothing original or reasonable about rules. They’re hollow and senseless.

—Ben Lovejoy

Part of an analysis of rules, commands, choices and change:
"No Rules-Sir, Yes Sir"
photo by Sandra Dodd

Something very different

"Unschooling seems to be able to move through the teen years that are so difficult for most parents with fewer difficult moments. Unschooling is doing something that is very different from other kinds of parenting."

—Schuyler Waynforth
March 29, 2014
Gold Coast symposium

More by Schuyler
SandraDodd.com/schuylerwaynforth
photo by Sandra Dodd

Inside their own heads

Meredith Novak wrote:

Unschooling doesn't magically save kids from making bad decisions or protect them from harm. Nothing can do that. What unschooling parents can do is step back from the idea that our greater knowledge about the world is something we can give to our kids. We can be friends, allies, facilitators, consultants, partners, but they're the ones inside their own heads, making their own connections.

—Meredith Novak

SandraDodd.com/nest
(the quote isn't there, but other things are)
photo by Sandra Dodd

Keep learning in mind

If learning is always in mind, learning always happens.

SandraDodd.com/learning
photo by Sandra Dodd

The most delightful person

"I want to be the most delightful person in the world for my child." —Zanna Rickard

Comment from Australia ALLive session in Melbourne, March 23, 2014
photo by Sandra Dodd

Right for your child

Rather than look at labels that try to pigeonhole people into being this sort of parent or that sort of parent, be the parent that is right for your child in each moment.

—Laurie Wolfrum

SandraDodd.com/parents
photo by Sandra Dodd

Patterns and dots

Find, consider, value connections.

Notice, contemplate, appreciate patterns.

SandraDodd.com/connections
photo by Sandra Dodd

Delight

"We're meant to be delighting in who they are, not just accepting."

—Karen Lee

The quote is from a presentation in Melbourne on March 23;
This page is about delight, too: SandraDodd.com/joyce/deschooling
photo by Bruno Machado

Respect and acceptance

Respect and acceptance are more important than test scores and "performance." Understanding is more important than recitation.

SandraDodd.com/respect
photo by Sandra Dodd

Switching words around

Yesterday's quote had the phrase "playful and full of wonder." It seemed to me for a moment that "playful and full" was awkward. But it was a quote. I wrote it last year; it's published.

If it were math, we would make the phrases match—give them a common denominator, or base, or something. Or they would be commutative. Wonderful and full of play? Full of play and full of wonder?

I think words are wonderful, and it's good to play with them. Sometimes, take the words out of the air, off the page, out of your thoughts and turn them over. Feel how old they are, how solid, how useful. When it comes to language, be playful and full of wonder!

SandraDodd.com/wordswords
(The words above aren't at the link but other words are!)
photo by Karen James

Playful and full of wonder

Being with our children in direct and mindful ways made us kinder, gentler and more accepting. We were more playful and full of wonder, as we saw the world through their eyes.

SandraDodd.com/betterpartner
photo by Sandra Dodd

Memories

"I am seven years old. I am sitting comfortably with a convenient, safe place to rest my face. Safe. On my father's lap. I can feel the heat from a fire. I can hear voices—I can recognize many of them. I hear singing. I feel singing. The vibrations of my dad's baritone voice through his wool clothing…"

—Holly Dodd

Read the rest at SandraDodd.com/sleep/memories
photo by Sandra Dodd

Nothing or something

Despite reports to the contrary, unschooling is not "doing nothing." There's a great deal of doing involved!

MomLogic interview, 2010
(the post title is vaguely Vicky Pollard-ish)
photo by Sandra Dodd
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See their wholeness

Sometimes people have a sort of social hypochondria—every problem that's described, they identify with, or fear the danger will get their children. They would do much better to spend more time and attention with and on their children so that they see their wholeness, rather than imagining their vulnerabilities.

SandraDodd.com/fear
photo by Colleen Prieto

Let joy replace fear

There is a kind of magic thinking that says television can rob people of their imagination, but that if parents sacrifice televisions, children will be more intelligent.


. . . .[A]mong unschoolers there are many who once prohibited or measured out TV time, and who changed their stance. Learning became a higher priority than control, and joy replaced fear in their lives. I can't quote all the accounts I have collected, but I invite you to read them.
SandraDodd.com/tv

The quote is from page 136 of The Big Book of Unschooling
photo of Holly and Orion by Sandra Dodd
This is a re-run from 12/31/10, when Holly was a teenager and Orion was a little boy.

Years or an hour

"Gauge how much to do and when by your child’s reactions. Let her say no thanks. Let her choose. Let her interest set the pace. If it takes years, let it take years. If it lasts an hour, let it last an hour."

—Joyce Fetteroll

Five Steps to Unschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd

Connections

Visiting a friend who moved to Australia led to a trip with new friends to Kuranda. Others showed me a local bird, and I showed someone the photo, and she identified the crank. Three days later, I saw a real one, and then looked it up, and it led to the Olympics, and the history of Australia, and post-WWII housing booms, and… those all connected to other things I knew.

You can do this, too. You might start with a bird and a clothesline, or it might be any other two things on this planet, or off.

Bush Stone-Curlew
photo by Sandra Dodd

Intentionally and carefully

For clarity of thought and for value of discussions about unschooling (or anything), it's important to use words intentionally and carefully. If a parent can't tell the difference between "consequences" and "punishment" and doesn't want to even try to, she'll probably keep punishing her children and telling herself it's not punishment, it's consequences. That muddled thinking can't lead to clarity nor to better parenting.

SandraDodd.com/semantics
Sandra and Kirby Dodd, under a sign at a barbecue place in Austin

Give it your all.

In an unschooling chat on March 12, Pam Sorooshian wrote:

I often think this way, "I've thought about this a lot and made my decision. Now I owe it to myself and my family to really truly embrace that decision and give it my all and not be wishy-washy about it."

Special Guest, Pam Sorooshian
photo by Sandra Dodd

Bright and happy eyes

[Of professionals who do research on children:]

They're looking at problems, and looking *for* problems.

If you turn and look the other way, you will see fewer problems, especially if you look at your own child's bright and happy eyes. And if your child has bright and happy eyes, do what you can to keep them that way.

SandraDodd.com/joy (the quote isn't there, but it's a good page)
photo by Sandra Dodd

Thoughtful and sweet

What you think you "have to" do makes you powerless and frustrated. What you choose to do is empowering, and should be done thoughtfully and sweetly.

SandraDodd.com/cairns
photo by Sandra Dodd