Bigger, friendlier world

Karen James wrote:

Unschooling, done with too much attention on the one way of living being the only right way, can make the world seem smaller, scarier and full of confrontation.

Unschooling done with the understanding it's one choice among many, makes the world a bigger, friendlier, more dynamic place.

—Karen James

Find your options
photo by Hinano

Little lightshow

Somewhere in your house is a little lightshow. Be ready to appreciate it.

SandraDodd.com/light
photo by Brie Jontry

Choices, and benefits

Once upon a time, someone complained about me in a discussion: "I am quite sure you have nothing better to do."

What would be better for me to do than helping people who honestly want the help?


That day I responded:

"Nothing better to do" was intended to be an insult, surely, but choosing what to do in any given moment is part of living a mindful life. Some people choose to insult. Some people choose to explain. Some choose to leave. Some choose to stay. But THIS isn't where unschooling is. Unschooling is in the relationships between parents and children. That should be the topic of every post—what will help parents find ways to be unschooling parents for the benefit of their children and of the family as a whole. Because there can be secondary benefits.

And, that day, I linked to this entry in Just Add Light and Stir:
Good person, good parent
photo by Ester Siroky

Scary?

"It's *hard* to shift your thinking from the answers that are easier for you to the answers that are harmonious and respectful and fun for everyone. It takes more work and energy for sure.. . . ."Scary? Yep. Worth it? Beyond yes!"

—Michelle Thedaker

The longer quote is at SandraDodd.com/scary
photo by Lisa Jonick
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Not just the world....

If by "change the world" a person means "make the world better," then step #1 must be to decide right then not to make the world worse.

If you replace "world" with "marriage," that idea could still change the world.
Other words you could use insead of "world":

• party
  
• road trip
  
• dinner
  
• visit
  
• camp-out
  
• bathtime
  
• grocery shopping...

SandraDodd.com/philosophy
photo by Ester Siroky
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Are you positive?

Everyone has the freedom to be negative. Not everyone has thought of good reasons to be more positive.

SandraDodd.com/open
photo by Gwen Montoya

A safer, softer parent

There's something about patience that's biochemical. Some people are more naturally patient than others. When an impatient person has a child, though, and especially if that impatient person wants to be an unschooler, it's good to look at ways to become a safer, softer parent. It's win-win, if stress is minimized and life is smoother.

SandraDodd.com/patience
photo by Marji Zintz (click to enlarge)

Live here and now

[Historically...]

Nobody kept their kids home for 18 or 20 years just discussing life with them, hanging out, playing games.

We probably wouldn't be either, if it weren't that we're biding time until the clock runs out on compulsory education.

So even as we unschool now (and I'm not talking about people with toddlers who aspire to become unschoolers over the years), it's in reaction to the culture around us, it's finding a way to live in an alternative fashion within this culture.

People can't actually leave the planet and can't actually go back in time. The only place we can live is the here and now.

SandraDodd.com/reality
photo by Ester Siroky
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P.S. A few people have left the planet for a while, but they don't get very far, and no unschooling family has yet done so.

A path around obstacles

A Joyce-quote today:

One thing that keeps me responding after all these years is because I understand. To me it makes perfect sense *why* parents get stuck on certain thought pathways. I understand why they can't see the view the child sees, why school colors their vision, why fear colors their vision. I enjoy helping them see the walls they thought trapped them are just obstacles. I enjoy helping them find a path around the obstacles.

But it can't work unless people see the obstacles aren't part of who they are, unless they can step back to observe the obstacles objectively so that they can let go and move around them.

—Joyce Fetteroll

"It's not Personal"
photo by Karen James

"Why do we do this?"

Even in the long term, unschooling is not about the completion of a project at all. It’s about becoming the sort of people who see and appreciate and trust that learning can happen. And who can travel with children, not just drag them along or push them along, but who can travel with children along those interesting paths together not until you get there, but indefinitely.

And for beginning unschoolers that sounds also a little esoteric, a little foofy. And not solid. They want to know what do I do when the kids wake up in the morning? So, the beginning information is very often, “What do I do?” But the information that will get people from the beginning to the intermediate is why. "Why do we do this?"

Changes in Parents
photo by Ester Siroky

The quote is from a podcast episode of Pam Laricchia interviewing me.
I tweaked the quote just slightly, capitalizing "even"
and using "unschooling" rather than "it."

Investing in foundations

"More and more I'm discovering it's not so much about giving, as it is about building, and, as Sandra has said, investing. You are setting the foundation for your daughter's future interactions with the people she will come to hold dear (yourself included)." —Karen James

SandraDodd.com/barbiekaren
photo by Cátia Maciel

Life is a gamble

I cannot make my children's lives good. I can't ensure their success. I cannot make a tree grow. I can water it and put a barrier near so Keith doesn't hit it with a lawnmower, and ask my kids not to climb in it while it's young. I could destroy that tree, all kinds of ways. I could do it damage. I could neglect it. But I can't predict where the next branch will grow, or whether it will double in size this year or just do 1/3 again of its height. Not all years' growth are the same. I could mess my kids up and make them unhappy and keep them from having access to things, but I cannot make them learn. I can't make them mature. I can give them opportunities and room to grow, and food and water and a comfortable bed. I can't guarantee anything for anyone else, nor for my own family. I know what does damage, and I know what might help.

SandraDodd.com/gamble
photo by Ester Siroky
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Whirl and twirl

We have made good use of making patterns in the slots of a revolving rack of poker chips, and then with poker chips out on the table. I have set out photocopied pictures and cheap water colors, lots of brushes, and had side-by-side painting by the hour. Whichever kids or visitors wander by will be drawn in and as they play or paint they talk and share and think.
. . . . Working on patterns in silence allows one’s mind to whirl and twirl.

SandraDodd.com/truck
scanner art by Sandra Dodd

Think well of them

"Think well of them, all the time. Be grateful."

—Schuyler Waynforth
about partners,
but it works for kids

SandraDodd.com/goldcoast
photo by Cátia Maciel

News or nostalgia

Today, something different. It's an invitation to smile, and probably to laugh. I'm sharing my secret stash of favorite cheer-up videos, collected for the days I need them. Dancing babies, mysterious Japanese philosophy, auto-tuned glory, Yoda, and the words of "a desert hobo" might make you think thoughts that remind you of the first time you thought them, or might make you wish this wasn't the first time you had sung along.
SandraDodd.com/fun
Please take some time to share smiles and create memories with a loved one.

Loving presence

Each child, in the moment, doing something interesting in the presence of a loving parent... that works the same for anyone.

Being your child's PARTNER, not his adversary
Marta Venturini saved this and quoted me in 2012.
photo by Ester Siroky

Find ideas you like

Find ideas you like, but remember that all parenting happens at your house, not online, not in groups, but within the parent. Your relationship with your child doesn't need to be approved by strangers. It needs to be the best you can do with your child, yourself, at your house. If you need ideas, the world is overflowing with good ones, and bad ones.

SandraDodd.com/nest
(Thanks to Robin Bentley, for quoting me on May 22, 2013.)
photo by Sandra Dodd

When to whine

If you notice you're angry or complaining, back away a bit, physically or mentally or emotionally, and see how big the problem really is, from a different perspective.

There is a cloud...
photo by Sandra Dodd
Abundance

Peace is all about choices

If you want to live peacefully make the most peaceful choices. Peace is all about choices. Choose to breathe consciously. Choose understanding over ignorance. Choose to make choices. Choose awareness over oblivion. And make choices based on the principles you live by.

SandraDodd.com/choices
(Thanks to Heather Newman for quoting me, May 22, 2011.)
photo by Sylvia Woodman

Nature and construction

Nature, culture, ancient engineering, curiosity, a moment of still wonder...

People love bridges. Think back to bridges from your childhood, the oldest bridges you've seen, the simplest, the most elegant.

Think of memories, or images, of people and of bridges. Beauty and wondrous crossings, over water, over canyons, over little streams and ditches. I think this must be one of the most iconic motifs in human history.

a bit about bridges
photo by Annie Regan

Shame free

I didn’t expect unschooling to create a shameless life, but one day I said to Holly, joking, “Aren’t you ashamed?”

She didn’t know what “ashamed” meant. She was twelve; maybe thirteen already.


People used to say “you should be ashamed” lots, to and around me, when I was young. And I was, I just hadn’t found the reason for it yet. Shame is like an indwelling virus that surfaces when we’re weak, in those who caught it.

I didn’t know people could grow up without having a wad of shame inside them, waiting to surface.

SandraDodd.com/unexpected
photo by Gail Higgins

Quiet focus

Moments of quiet focus, and photo evidence of those, are both a bit magical.

SandraDodd.com/peace
photo by Ester Siroky
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Janine Davies, photos and some words

Janine's photos and a bit of text.

Gail Higgins photos

Another collection!?
I'm getting well, but have two unexpected separate house guests, from two different unexpected situations.

Please enjoy some beautiful photos by Gail Higgins.
(A couple have Gail-Higgins quotes and photos by others.)

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photo by Gail Higgins

A fun person

"Treat her like a fun person rather than like a kid." —Angela (NYCitymomx3)

Fron a longer list at SandraDodd.com/howto/advice
photo by Chrissy Florence

Seasonal doings

There is a "when" and a "where" to activities. Soon, at my house, we'll be inside trying to stay cool, but a different latitude or hemisphere could change that.

Are plants coming or going? Or maybe you live where the plants last all year, every year; maybe you live where plants are mostly indoor houseplants.

Share these ideas with your children, if they're interested. I remember that a year seemed forever, when I was six years old. At sixty, time was very different.

SandraDodd.com/time
photo (a link) by Janine Davies
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Colleen Prieto, images

Colleen Prieto, images in words
and photos

usually photos!
(like the one above)

Chrissy Florence photos

Chrissy Florence sent me a Christmas card once, with this beautiful photo (and others). I couldn't stop looking at it. I still love to see it, every time it comes by.


I wrote to ask if I could use it, and if she had others. Yes, and she did.

Chrissy's photos show contemplation and exuberance. I hope you enjoy seeing them, and the quotes that jumped out to match them. Some photos were used twice, because of a Photobucket site glitch that caused me to lose some notes. That's okay, though. If a quote or photo comes by twice, it probably means it was worth seeing again!

I'm grateful for her eye and for her generosity.

Photos by Chrissy Florence
(Sick week, day 2)

Karen James' quotes and photos

photo by Karen James

I need a few days of sick leave, please.

This will lead to posts with a photo or quote (maybe both in one, but not usually) by Karen James:

Karen James

Enjoy!

Words can block thought

Have you considered putting limits on paper time?
       Cloth time?
               Other-human time?

I wrote that when the umpteenth person asked why unschoolers weren't limiting children's "screentime," without being able to break that down into what a child was actually doing.

Beyond the door
photo by Cátia Maciel
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Time flows

Every ghost town used to be alive.

Every "haunted house" was once new.


An abandoned car started with good tires, a running engine, and a happy owner.

Each adult was a child.

The flow of history
photo by Karen James

Moonrise

Sometimes it's good to see cause and effect, connections, relationships.

Other times, it might be best to gaze without speaking.

SandraDodd.com/light
photo by Amy Childs

Solid and sunny

In a moment, in a place, the world can be solid and sunny. Awe-inspiring. Accessible. Safe and strong.

Those conditions can arise in other ways, too. There can be a time of solidity and warmth in a relationship, in family finances, home maintenance, friendships.

Then there will always be more slippery, jarring days when the world is not as warm.

Store up the feelings and memories of the solid, sunny days. Remember they will come around again.

SandraDodd.com/substance
photo by Lisa Jonick

Around the corner

Sometimes there are deadlines and commitments. This week, for us, a baby shower, and a college graduation. If Keith misses his pain-clinic appointment, he might need to wait weeks.

Much more often, though, life has more options, more leeway. A path or choice might be reconsidered.

Be accepting, if you can, when you can, of surprises. We don't know for sure what is around the corner, no matter how familiar the road is.

SandraDodd.com/gettingit
photo by Cathy Koetsier
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Following trails

Don't hesitate to follow little trails, and to quit when something else is more interesting.
SandraDodd.com/trails
photo by Heather Booth
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Intensity and focus

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

Is unschooling right for everyone? My answer is, "It depends." I think ALL children can learn and grow and thrive as unschoolers. But I also think it takes an intensity and focus on living life with a great deal of gusto on the part of unschooling parents. Unschooling parents work hard. For example, they must develop a very high level of sensitivity to their children to know what to offer, when to support, when to back off, how busy they want to be, how much solitude they need, when to nudge them a bit with encouragement, when to get more involved, and so on. AND parents need to be able to always have their kids and their interests in the back of their minds, thinking always about what would interest them; bringing the world to them and bringing them to the world in ways that "click" for that particular child. And it takes a great deal of trust that the child will learn without external pressure.

—Pam Sorooshian

I LIVE THEREFORE I LEARN: Living an Unschooling Life
photo by Cathy Koetsier

Step back and think

I did an odd thing, when Kirby was five. I consciously decided not to use the names of "subject areas," ever. Whether he liked something or not, I wasn't going to tell him it was "history" or "math" or "science." Each of those is made up of dozens, hundreds of interests and unrelated topics.

In school, kids decide to declare that they like or hate "science," when really geology has very little to do with psychology or surgery. Same with "geography." Would someone who "likes geography" because he's fascinated by maps and mapping necessarily care about the major production of different regions of the world, or traditional costume of Afghanistan?

But as an unschooling mom, I think it's important for the parents not to say "I don't like... (maps/science/costume/psychology), because if you have fears and prejudices left over from school, it's a good thing to do whatever internal work you need to get over that, so you can answer your children's questions without showing (and maybe passing on) an aversion.
SandraDodd.com/subjects
photo by Ester Siroky

Usually unusual

Even in New Mexico, it can be difficult to see a roadrunner. They don't live in groups and they don't make much noise.

A person might live in Texas for a long time and not see a live armadillo.

Don't worry if you miss seeing something cool, but be grateful for lucky sightings of mystery or beauty. Something normal near you might be exotic everywhere else.

More "more"
photo by Holly's friend Eliza

History's disorderly conduct

History can't be learned "in order," because it's never going to be orderly. It doesn't even happen in order, because often facts aren't discovered until years after incidents occur, and so the history of them unfolds and is clarified and expanded all the time. People knew zip about Pompeii until 1700-and-some years after it was buried. Someday people might know more about Amelia Earhart's disappearance or the assassination of JFK than they do now, after all who knew them personally will have been long dead.

SandraDodd.com/history
photo by Lisa Jonick

Nice!

My son is finishing his last semester of an economics degree. I helped proofread a paper Monday night and one of his section headings was "Trade Goods and Bads."That was cute, and was a good header, as the text went.

The next morning, my friend called from Clearlake, in California. I was asking about the neighborhood, and she said that up and around the lake was a place called "Nice." Nice!

Nicer things can make you smile. Smiling is nice.


SandraDodd.com/happy
photo by Amy Childs

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This post used to end with "Smiling is better for peace and calm."
That's true, but I think the ending is better without it, rhythmically, poetically.
(Edited the evening of the day it went out by e-mail with the longer ending.)

Moment

It's better to think of good moments or bad moments, rather than to curse a whole day with "this is a bad day."

The next moment can be better.

SandraDodd.com/moment
photo by Colleen Prieto

A world that is kinder

"As I've gotten older, I focus more and more on kindness. I want to be kind, I want my children to be kind and I want them to be in a world that is kinder." —Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/virtue
photo by Sarah Elizabeth Douglas