Mom in the middle

The mom is in the middle. She's the pivot point, the center, the way in which all these people are related.


A mom was worried about being in the middle, in a situation involving her husband and four children.

Being a Happy Mom
has other encouragement for moms.
photographer unknown, but the mom is "jakesmom"/Vicki
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Real learning is intangible

Karen James wrote:"Real learning is subtle...like a breath. Ethan said something kind of funny to my husband recently. He exclaimed "Now you are breathing consciously!" We all became aware of our breathing in that moment. Learning can become as effortless as unconscious breathing when we it happens without prejudice or too much attention to its presence. It's so big it permeates through everything we do, yet so intangible at times we can only guess at its influence and significance."

—Karen James

Becoming an Unschooler
photo by Heather Booth
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Truly worthless

Truth can still be worthless, and a worthless statement might still be true. Cosmic. So profound I need a nap.

I think this illustrates the commutative property of cosmic profundity.
I wrote it in a collection of worthless statements, here.
Photo by Sandra Dodd, of a miniature golf hole in Rochester, Minnesota.
Miniature golf is not worthless, but that's not real water.

Abundance and gratitude

"If it's not one thing, it's another."

People usually say that of problems or frustrations. But what about gourds, and little girls, and music, and humor?

If you practice finding abundance, if it's not one thing, it will be another.

SandraDodd.com/abundance
photo by Cátia Maciel
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Round

"Round" is whole, and strong. Something circular can represent completion or continuation.

When everyone has had a turn that's a round of cards, or a round of play in a boardgame. At a celebration, "a round" can mean everyone has a drink.

Around. Surround. Some things, you think of as being "all around" you, or "all around" everywhere. You might be surrounded by things like ... air. Potential friends. Opportunities. Love. Surprises.

SandraDodd.com/connections#round
photo by Sandra Dodd, of a carousel near a round barn in Vermont
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Do one thing better

Jenny Cyphers wrote:

Insecurities about something big like unschooling, is natural. What I've done with those thoughts, is to actively do one thing better. Then another, and another. And another.

Unschooling is built on these small and thoughtful acts that change the bigger picture over time. Each change or tweak, or alteration we make that positively impacts the way we interact with our children, can really only help. Without those little changes, we stagnate. We don't grow. And as a result, unschooling doesn't become better.

—Jenny Cyphers

Becoming the Parent You Want to Be
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Quite quiet

Sometimes, look without narrating. Think without voicing. Too much commentary can make words less valuable. See shadows and sunshine and shapes and children without always saying so.

SandraDodd.com/quiet
photo by Sandra Dodd, who talks too much

Progress

It's not about "success," it's about progress, and living in the moment as well as possible.

SandraDodd.com/proof
photo by Sabine Mellinger
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A wonderful thing

"One of the wonderful things about unschooling is that we come to understand that children are learning all the time. Knowing that, we can make thoughtful choices about how we'd like to influence that learning. We cannot control what is learned, but we can create an environment in which joyful learning can thrive."

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/patience
photo by Cátia Maciel
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Heat and light

If I have a big woodpile, I don't have a fire. Even if I have a fireplace and matches and bellows and kindling and firestarters and a fire extinguisher and the chimney was just cleaned and inspected and I have a paper saying "good to go," I don't have a fire. Would wrought-iron fire tools on a cool rack help? What about a stained-glass fireplace screen, so no sparks can get out on the floor? I could subscribe to magazines for fireplace owners. I could join a yahoo group and a facebook page to talk about fires. I could be receiving catalogs with all kinds of fancy flameproof rugs and indoor wood racks and really cool slings for carrying wood in, and Ooh! What about a beautiful mantle?

Still no fire.

Meanwhile, the neighbors might have built a real, operating fire, in a little hole they dug and lined with scrap bricks or rocks, with wood they found in a vacant lot, and kindled it with old receipts and fast-food wrappers they found blown into the alley. Their fire has heat, their fire has light, if they're sitting around it talking and laughing, they have the benefit of the fire.

Some people want to look like they're interested and that they intend to hone their skills, but they don't actually want to do it, if it's going to involve any real combustion or change in them.


A Story of NOT Changing
photo by Sandra Dodd, of a fire in our own back yard,
not in a hole, but quite make-shift, 2012

Value

Megan Fenn wrote:

I no longer look for learning when they are watching shows or playing games. I know they are learning.

I used to watch for it as part of my “try a little” practise to see the value in what they are doing. I don’t do that anymore. I know what they do has value because they value it. And I know they are learning because they learn from everything they do.

—Megan Fenn

Read a little...
photo by Nina Gold

Only a child?

"Respect" is not a light thing. It's not easy to respect your child, when it's new to you. There will be people encouraging you to see your child as "just a kid," and "only a child." Think of adults you respect, and think of them as ten years old, four years old, two, newborn. They were those people from birth. There was a newborn Mohandas Gandhi; a four-year-old Abraham Lincoln; an eight-year-old Oprah Winfrey; a twelve-year-old Winston Churchill.

SandraDodd.com/respect
photo by Sandra Dodd
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The learning and the beauty

"It's all about that mind shift isn't it? It applies to so much in how unschooling works or doesn't work. If you can't see the learning and the beauty, you will have a hard time unschooling. It seems to work best in all those small ways that add up to the bigger picture."

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/gettingit
photo by Chrissy Florence
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A little and a lot

"Depth and breadth—creating a lifestyle in which kids are offered the opportunity to learn a lot about some things and a little about a lot of things."

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/learning
photo by Sandra Dodd

I wanted to call this post "Depth and Breadth", but I've already used that title.

Trivial connections

Sometimes to understand a joke, people have to know three or four different things already. Sometimes a piece of humor ties together LOTS of trivia/learning in ways other things can't do.

SandraDodd.com/trivia
photo by Megan Valnes
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Peace and calm

Peace and calm are really good things all in and of themselves. Enjoyment/JOY is better for health than all the "health rules" in the world.

SandraDodd.com/rules
photo by Colleen Prieto
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Be that way

"Treat them the way you want them to treat others. Do you want respect? Be respectful. Do you want responsibility from them? Be responsible."

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/pam/howto
photo by Chrissy Florence
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Stages and balance

Children grow up, but all the stages of their childhood stay alive in their parents' memories.

Balancing, stages, profiles
photo of Marty, a dozen years ago, by Holly Dodd

Don't be afraid

Some moms are more afraid of the candy than they are of scary ghosts and monsters.

Have a sweet life.

SandraDodd.com/eating/halloween
photo by Sandra Dodd
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The heart of unschooling

a mom named Tracey wrote:

"I am finding that it is when I can most fully let go of what 'should be' and most fully embrace 'what is' that I glimpse the joy and connection which is the heart of unschooling."

SandraDodd.com/spirituality
photo by Janine Davies
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Photo credit—Cátia Maciel

Yesterday I didn't change the template and so accidentally swiped credit from Cátia Maciel. I'm really sorry! I've fixed it now; you can click the photo to see it with the proper credit.


photo by Cátia Maciel

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I'm grateful to those who let me beg and borrow their photos of light and joy. Thank you all. At the blog, you can look for your favorite authors or photographers with the search box, upper left. Or use this link for today: (search "Maciel")

Give them hope

Probably [doubters and critics] are sincerely concerned for your children, so try to be grateful for that, or at least to understand it.
. . . .
The nicest thing to say might be "Thanks, I'll think about it." If they say he might need some type of school, you could say yeah, someday he might. I liked to tell people that things were going well, but if that changed we would do something different. That gave them hope, and that was good for all of us. And it was true.


What Can I Say to Doubters and Critics?
photo by Cátia Maciel

Special times

Seasonal lighting, favorite food, special music and colorful clothing—you don't even need to wait for a holiday!

SandraDodd.com/generosity

SandraDodd.com/angles
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Unexpected results

You might think you know what water is going to do, but it can surprise you. We can picture how our unschooling will go, but it will probably be bigger and better.

SandraDodd.com/unexpectedarticle
photo by Cátia Maciel

Slowly becoming wise

As children grow, parents age. Learning with them and from them and near them is learning we didn't expect.

Becoming a better parent is becoming a better person.

SandraDodd.com/moment
photo by Colleen Prieto
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Tools and purposes

A YouTube video showed slime-play with a tennis racket. I didn't have one, but a potato masher worked, to create strings of slime. "Bath toys" are sold in stores, but kitchens are full of things that are fun in bathtubs. Colanders, measuring cups, mixing bowls, slotted spoons to pick up bubbles (or blow them). Ice is great in the tub, and cheap, and cleans itself up. Practice seeing other purposes and possibilites.

SandraDodd.com/playing
photo by Sandra Dodd

What helps?

I think one thing that helps is having a house. A detached house. . . . . It's not a requirement, but it seems to help. Then kids have dirt to dig in. I know some apartments have dirt and some houses don't. But still. Dirt. Bugs. Plants.

There is more of that, and more about what else helps, in a chat transcript:
SandraDodd.com/chats/whathelps
photo by Lydia Koltai

Better Things

The fewer things you say or do to make things worse, the better things will be.

SandraDodd.com/quiet
photo by Cátia Maciel
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Wellbeing, learning and balance

When I stopped seeing my daughter as adversarial it changed the world for us.
. . . .We have developed a sweet and trusting bond where the focus is on wellbeing and learning and finding balance.

—Joanna Murphy, 2008

SandraDodd.com/change.html
photo by Holly Dodd
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Precious principles

Leah Rose wrote:

I had an amazing experience with [breathing] last night. At bedtime (which is about midnight in our family) I had just tucked in and said goodnight to our two youngest (8 and 11 yo boys) and was climbing into my own bed when I heard one of them calling me. My knee-jerk reaction was a blast of annoyance—very typical of me in that situation, exacerbated by the fact that I'd felt crummy all day and was really looking forward to collapsing into bed.

I huffed out an angry breath, started to head back to their room and suddenly had a thought from something I'd read here recently (or maybe on Sandra's website or the RU Network): "First, breathe and center yourself." So I took a deep breath, and as I inhaled I felt my whole being kind of slide into place—it was weird, almost a tangible sensation—and suddenly I felt completely peaceful. I walked into their room with a smile on my face and asked if either of them had called me. It was ds 11, he wanted me to set up his extra pillow (which was on the floor leaning against his bed) behind him so he could sit up and read for a bit.

Normally in this circumstance I'd have walked into the room annoyed and impatient and would have responded to this request by going on a rant about why he couldn't just reach down and pick it up himself, why he had to call me all the way back into his room for that, how tired and crummy I was feeling and there is no reason why I have to be the one to do it since he's perfectly capable himself! (You get the picture.)

Last night I just said, "Sure!" and set his pillows up behind him and gave them both another kiss goodnight and then went to bed feeling exhausted but very peaceful—and very thankful for my networks of unschoolers, from whom I'm learning the precious principle of abundance.

—Leah Rose

SandraDodd.com/breathing
photo by Sandra Dodd

Similarities

Things by my back door one day, looking like a set. Inside the glass is an old end table with fancy legs. There's a plastic planter, and a metal watering can, all stripey. The colors were nice, too.

No one arranged them, they just were there.

Be open to seeing something others aren't seeing—in your children, your surroundings, and your life.

SandraDodd.com/angles
photo by Sandra Dodd

Calmly and happily

Deb Lewis wrote:

If you take care of your house happily, even if you don't ever make any real progress or feel it's getting really clean, if you look after things calmly and happily your kids will be more likely to participate in the process. If you're grumping around growling about things being out of control, how are they ever supposed to feel they could manage it? If you can't handle it, how could they?

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/chores/joy
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Mysteries and clues

Mysteries and clues can be nice, on a day when it's okay to decide which way to go on a whim or a coin toss. Even when "random" isn't on the schedule, be open to unexpected new directions.

SandraDodd.com/open
photo by Cathy Koetsier

Trust can grow

"There are many things one can trust as one begins unschooling. Draw on what you know about your child, your partner and yourself to nurture confidence. Trust in unschooling will deepen and grow as one gains understanding and experience. Oh! Which reminds me! I trusted that others who had unschooled their children successfully before me knew some things (a lot of things, it turned out) that could help me. That trust grew as I tried some of the things people suggested and they proved to be very useful."

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/karenjames/trust
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp
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Discovering ways to help

I do love words. I love their history. I love their sounds, and their power. I love the way they can reveal fears and other emotions, and prejudices and confusions. It's not that I like to see those things revealed, but when people are looking for clarity and we're trying to help them, it's good to see where they're limping or hurting, as it were.

SandraDodd.com/clarity
photo by Sandra Dodd
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A little more

A little more time. A little more patience. A little more joy. A little more calm.

SandraDodd.com/calm
photo by Janine Davies

What big eyes you have!

Since I was little, I have loved the line, "Grandma, what big eyes you have," from Red Riding Hood. It's a good line.

What can you see if you look far away or close up, or with your eyes closed, "with your mind's eye"?

The New Mexico State Museum of Natural History has microscopes. I took a bug there. If you click that, I think you can get an image you can zoom in on to see his eyes, his toes, his wings. How can you see that? Other people helped you see.

SandraDodd.com/seeing
photo by Sandra Dodd
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More than they seem

All the entertainment, office tools, art, music, trivia and humor that used to take people two or three rooms to store can be accessed with a tablet computer now, or a smart phone, or a laptop. They are lit-up windows to people, places, languages, recipes and sites to order the ingredients and cookware.

You can make photos and video, sound recordings, send art, letters, old photos, to family, friends and strangers. The Jetsons' video phone wasn't nearly as good as Skype is.

Be grateful for your wifi and the sweet things you can find and share.



SandraDodd.com/gratitude
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Alive and breathing

There is a depth of understanding, and a practice of many years, that make unschooling work well. Joining a group, or subscribing to a magazine, or going to a conference (or a dozen conferences) isn't what it's about. Unschooling lives (is alive; breathes; functions) where the learning is happening. The learning is supported and fed by the relationships between the parents and chidren.



SandraDodd.com/change/not
photo by Karen James