Reading odyssey

Though Holly wasn't reading, her vocabulary was sophisticated and she was fascinated by the history of and connectedness of words. When she did start to read, she had no reason to use easy books. She was still eleven when she did her first real reading, a Judy Blume novel. She read two of those, and moved on to Stephen King's novella The Body.

When she had only been reading a couple of months, we were sitting down to watch “The Twilight Zone,” Holly reached over to move the Tank Girl comic books she had been reading. One was called “The Odyssey.” Then the DVD menu came up, and one of the episodes was “The Odyssey of Flight 33.” She commented on it, and I said “You saw the word 'odyssey' twice in an hour? Cool!”

She said, “I saw the word 'odyssey' twice in one minute!”
. . . .Reading will happen, and if it takes longer for your children than you think it will, keep them happy and distracted in the meantime. As their experience and vocabulary grow, their reading will be that much more effortless the day they're fully equipped to understand the written word.

SandraDodd.com/r/threereaders
photo by Sandra Dodd (click it)
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Honoring needs

Nancy B. quoted from a poem by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton and Melissa responded (below):

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
For children grow up, we've learned to our sorrow,
So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby, cause babies don't keep.

Melissa wrote:

I love this...I think it struck a cord with me because, earlier today my daughter asked me to play a computer game with her and I told her that I "had" to clean the kitchen first. I got halfway between the computer and the kitchen, stopped, turned around, went back, told her I was sorry that the kitchen could wait, and played her game with her. She was so happy that I didn't care if the dishes rotted in the sink! 🙂 She only played for about five minutes but, I know that it will stick with her, that I found HER more important than the housework.

— Melissa Raley

SandraDodd.com/chores/relationship
photo by someone with Julie's camera; maybe James the dad

Talking to strangers

Jo Isaac, when her son was seven years old:

Kai's self-confidence surprises me all the time. He is happy to go talk to strangers anywhere, and teenagers. On his first day signing up for soccer Kai took a ball to a teenager and asked him if he wanted to play with him and Brett (my husband). That totally floored my husband, who couldn't have imagined going up to a strange teenager when he was seven, let alone asking them to play soccer with them (the teenager did play with them, they had fun).

—Jo Isaac

Note from Sandra: As a "grown" teen himself, Kai travelled from Australia to Thailand for an explore, and came back safely.

SandraDodd.com/surprise
photo by... by elimination, perhaps by Huxley, or James.
Maybe by Sam.

Okay, I've named some NOT in the photo. I wasn't there, but here's who's in:
(standing:) Kai, Karl, Kes, Adam, Polly
(seated:) Jo, Julie and Janine.

Be more

I closed a talk recently with this:

Be brave, be calm, be happy.

Be braver, be calmer, be happier.

The first line was written on my paper. The second one, I added just then.

SandraDodd.com/being
photo by Julie Daniel
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The link in yesterday's post didn't work, but it has been repaired here:
Accepting and Supporting**Sorry**

Dinosaurs, tortillas, The Tick

Deb Lewis wrote:

We played at the river yesterday. We threw rocks at floating ice chunks until we couldn't feel our fingers anymore. We had a snowball fight. We went sledding. We watched "Attack of the Crab Monsters" and read about dinosaurs. We played Master Labyrinth and chess. We stood on our heads. We made peanut butter and bird seed surprise for the flickers.

Today we're going to Grandma's house. She's making fresh tortillas and we'll visit with Dylan's uncle because he's flying back to Anchorage on Monday. We'll probably watch a movie there, too. I'll make a pan of fudge to take along.

My real and happy kid says a lot more about unschooling than I could ever convey by analyzing human nature. If I'm afraid to talk about my real unschooling life, how will I single-handedly change the world for the better? I've printed out my super hero license and I've sewn my Tick suit. Now, Evildoers, Eat My Justice!

—Deb Lewis

and there was more: SandraDodd.com/day/debl
photo by Rosie Moon

That bird is not a flicker in Montana; it's a robin in Yorkshire. There's some brown, some red, some snow; slightly close.

A happy, good example

Deb Lewis, to a mom advocating limits and control:

If you have been fighting over chores it may be a long time before she feels like helping you. But for the rest of the time you have with her, you can be a good example of a person who happily takes care of her home and who respects and values her child above housework. That will have benefits for your child well beyond required chores.

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/deblewis/
photo by Sandra Dodd

Calm and happy priorities

Deb Lewis wrote:

If you take care of your house happily, even if you don't ever make any real progress or feel it's getting really clean, if you look after things calmly and happily your kids will be more likely to participate in the process. If you're grumping around growling about things being out of control, how are they ever supposed to feel they could manage it? If you can't handle it, how could they?

My son doesn't have any chores but he helps if I ask for help and he does some things on his own just because his life is more convenient if he does so. I get up earlier than he does so I clean then. If he's busy with things and doesn't need me I do a little more then. In the evening if he's playing with his dad or watching TV and there is still something I didn't get to, I try to do it. Cleaning never comes before fun though, so lots of things wait until the next day.

—Deb Lewis
when her son was young

SandraDodd.com/chores/joy
photo by Tara Joe Farrell

Happy and alert

Clarissa wrote, one day in 2011, of a relative's visit:

On the first day being with us, my aunt said, "Don't you two ever put that baby down?" On the third day, she said, "That's the happiest, most alert baby I've ever seen!"

SandraDodd.com/babies
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Playing, and happiness

Lyle Perry wrote:

Playing is fun. Playing makes a person happy. Why on earth would anyone want to move from something that makes them happy?

Play has been given a bad rap in our society. It's looked upon as a waste of time. It's not productive enough. And anything that isn't productive (in society's eyes) is a waste of life.

It's all bunk. What is more important in life than "producing" happiness?

—Lyle Perry

SandraDodd.com/lyleperry
photo by Sandra Dodd

Happy to see the day

When people insist that "all unschooling is" is just homeschooling without a curriculum or without lessons, I don't disagree. They should take it out and put it on billboards. Lobby to get it into the dictionary. Whatever. But when families come to ask how they can make unschooling work, it does no good to say "Just don't have a curriculum. See ya!" It takes layers of understanding, it takes recovery from school, and a desire to have a relationship with a child in which learning is flowing and easy. It takes working to create an atmosphere in which children and parents wake up happy to see the day.

—Sandra Dodd, in 2004
fourth post on this legacy page

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SORRY the link above didn't work in e-mail; I've restored it, I hope!

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SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Vlad Gurdiga

A busy, happy swirl

I didn’t expect them to learn so much without me.

Anyone who is involved in natural learning for any length of time can find it difficult to summarize what children have learned academically, because each child’s knowledge comes from such varied sources and is fit together uniquely.

At first, though, I thought I wouldn’t miss a single thing. Then I totally missed them learning Roman numerals, which they learned from the names of a series of MegaMan video games.


I was jealous of that “MegaMan” guy, at first. I felt cheated out of the fun of seeing their eyes light up. But in thinking about that feeling, I realized that if life is a busy, happy swirl, they will learn. Learning is guaranteed. The range and content will vary, but the learning will happen.

—Sandra in 2014, originally
and there's a comment there

SandraDodd.com/unexpectedarticle
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Teens can feel crowded

[Teens can feel crowded] by the new and real knowledge that the house is small and the world is huge.

Baby birds have no idea what's outside that nest.

Young children will occasionally find some corner of the house, some closet or a wall surface that was always covered by furniture before and they are not surprised that there are parts of that house they had never seen before. The house is everything.

Teenagers know they are meant to get up and go out. They're not happy about it, sometimes, especially when their house is a haven of love and sweetness and creativity, but their instincts kick in anyway and their perspective changes, very literally, and that nest seems like just a little wad of sticks on one little branch of one of ten thousand trees....

Crowded by their new awarenesses and raging hormones and their relative size (their rooms and beds are getting smaller by the day) and their collections of stuffed animals and action figures and Lego.

Sandra
(January 2000, with one teen and two pre-teens then)

SandraDodd.com/teen/crowded
photo of Holly Dodd on her way to a party

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This photo was in the Just Add Light folder for many, many years, waiting for a quote or topic it might slightly match.
Good enough.

Why be good?

Early in online discussions of unschooling, pre-AOL even, Christian homeschoolers and unschoolers were in the same groups—all homeschoolers jumbled together. Once someone did ask me, in public (not in a mean way but in a curious way) HOW, without religion, would my kids be good?

It was a great question. They were good because it made them better people. Not to go to Heaven or to avoid hell. Not to make Jesus happy. . . . .
With good, logical reasons to be honest and helpful and responsible, religion on top of that would not have hurt my kids. I was aware that they might for one reason or another someday become religious on their own, but I also knew that leaving that church (or whatever it might be) wouldn't be the end of virtue for them.

SandraDodd.com/atheism
photo by Sandra Dodd

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Of course there are Christian unschoolers, too
Resources for Christian Unschoolers and unschoolers of many other religions, beliefs and leanings. The dichotomy above came from the Christian Homeschooling mom asking me a practical philosophical question.

Portable, cheap, long-lasting

The really good thing about happiness is that it’s portable. It’s cheap. It doesn’t need a safety deposit box or an inheritance. You can give the same amount to all your kids, and they don’t have to wait until they’re 18 to claim and use it! Think about that. They can have it right now, and start using it, without taking yours away from you.

Do kids need to have their own room to store their happiness in? No. Do kids need to wait nine weeks to get a report card that says they’re doing well in happiness? No. Will working really hard now store up happiness they can use later? That’s the going theory, the one we were raised on, but I no longer believe it.

The quote is from SandraDodd.com/president

More on happiness: SandraDodd.com/happy

photo by Cátia Maciel

Leaping and dancing

It's bad to make a religion of unschooling.

It's good to see all the logic and practicality in it, and to incorporate things gradually until the awkward first steps turn to confident strides and then to leaping and dancing in the dark.

SandraDodd.com/gradualchange

Happy Logic
photo by Sandra Dodd

Happy and interested

Deb Lewis wrote:

If your daughter doesn't want to leave something interesting to go to the table to eat, take food to her. Sit with her and eat together.

That's the same kind of sharing you could do at a table. Food eaten in front of the TV or computer with a happy mom who is interested in you is much better than food shared in grudging silence and anger.

Wouldn't you be grateful to a friend who brought you food if you were in the middle of something important? I'm always grateful when my husband brings home a pizza or Chinese food when I'm having a really busy day.

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/deblewis
photo by a realtor, of Janine's former garden
(they've moved)

Attention as an investment

Karen James wrote:

It might not seem like it now, but those early years pass fast. I love all the happy memories I've made with Ethan these past 13 years. As he's growing more and more into his own interests, I can see the little boy he once was twirling on a trampoline for the twentieth or more time saying "Watch me now!" landing with pride every time. I can hear the breathless laughs of a child who rooted for the hundredth time for Tom the cat to catch that too-clever mouse Jerry. I know the brave spirit of that little person exploring the dark night and caves of Minecraft. I was there for all of it and more. Thousands of hours of dedicated focus. I don't regret a single moment. If anything, I wish I'd given more. I still have time, thankfully.

It did take a lot of my time, attention and energy, and there were times when I was really, really tired at the end of the day, and mornings when I was slow to want to embrace the day. But I see all that time and energy and attention as an investment—in my son, and in my own future. If I get to grow old, I hope these are some of the moments that bring colour to my winters.

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/mindfulness
photo by Denaire Nixon

Contentment, where you are

Peace can be just contentment—to be happy where you are, to like your life.


SandraDodd.com/peace/noisy
(the quote is from the sound file at the bottom)
photo by Sandra Dodd

The bright, shiny parts

On a scale from dull and dusty to bright and shiny, where is your life? How much of the happy outside world is flowing in? How much are you and your children interacting with the bright, shiny parts of the world outside?

Unschooling should and can be bigger and better than school.

If it's smaller and quieter than school, more should be done to make life sparkly.

Let one thing lead to another for you. Explore. Not the parent pressing the kid to explore, but the parent exploring and connecting.

SandraDodd.com/strew/how
photo by Sandra Dodd
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That mom I want to be

"If my kids grow up and feel they had a great warm childhood and that they were supported and loved and are now doing what they love because of it and are happy, then I did a good job being that mom I want to be."

—Alex Polikowsky

SandraDodd.com/otherideas
photo by Sandra Dodd