Overflow is good

Having a happy home comes from the creation and maintenance of happy conditions! Produce as much as you can. You'll fill yourself up and it will overflow, and your family might even have enough to share with friends and strangers!

SandraDodd.com/cup
photo by Janine Davies

Clarity and Focus

Clarity and focus make things easier.

Muddly confusion make things harder.

SandraDodd.com/clarity
photo by Janine Davies

Partner and friend

Janine Davies wrote, in the midst of a longer account:
For me, that all begins and ends with being a good mum in the eyes and minds of my children, and going forward being remembered as a kind respectful and happy mum—someone they could trust implicitly, and who was their partner and friend.

Hopefully they will then carry that forward to how they treat their children, regardless of what the current trend is, or fears they have, or the current scaremongering circulating. Even if they don't have children of their own, my hope is that they treat and speak to all children that they come in contact with throughout their lives with the same respect and kindness that they afford their partners and friends, and that they treat them like the people they are.

—Janine Davies
(read the rest)

Being a Happy Mom
photo by Sandra Dodd

Light art (and spooky)

For young children, costumes and decorations can make them feel powerful, or beautiful, and a little afraid—in a fun way, if the adults and older kids help keep that fairly balanced.

I have candy to hand out when the time comes. We have some decorations. I have a lifetime of memories of trick-or-treating when I was little, seeing or being a little way into houses I might never be in again, getting candy and treats from strangers—some of them dressed up, too, and smiling at me.

I have memories of taking my own young children door-to-door, and of driving them to a special place or two beyond walking distance some years.

Young families will be welcome here this year, and older kids and teens, too.

Airy and bright
photo by Janine Davies

Small steps

Good bits lifted from a 2015 post:

Too often “do the best you can” is used to excuse letting things slide.
Think more about the children than about how you feel about thinking about them. It will help you when they feel better.

...read a little, try a little, wait a while and watch...

Don’t think you can change all at once, but if you see how much difference small steps can make, perhaps you can focus on not making anything worse, and stepping gently but steadily toward a more confident presence.

—Sandra
(original)

Small, simple steps
photo by Janine Davies

Do more

If you think you haven't done enough for your children lately, do more.

Maintain and replenish
photo by Janine Davies

Happily and successfully

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

Unschooling happily and successfully requires clear thinking.
. . . .Unschooling well requires understanding the underlying philosophy of how children learn, and the principles that guide us in our everyday lives arise from that philosophy. It isn't some new kind of parenting technique that can be observed and applied without understanding.

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/understanding
photo by Janine Davies

Find the joy in it!

In 2012, I responded to a mom's frustration about how to limit, or not, TV and computer use.

There are many benefits to letting them choose their own input, and a world of disadvantages to controlling it. Find the joy in it!

Here are some ideas that might be helpful:

SandraDodd.com/control

SandraDodd.com/t/economics

SandraDodd.com/being/

SandraDodd.com/videogames/

Original in comments on a post called "Sharing"
photo by Janine Davies

Healing and validating

Janine Davies wrote:

Victory is what it feels like—the biggest victory in my life so far. I am my own healer and validator. Unschooling my every thought word and deed is my healer, my boys are the absolute proof of my victory and my healing. I am now a sweeter, kinder person—a less judgemental, critical and negative person. I have found again the joy, curiosity and fun that was squished (and often violently) out of my life so much as a child, and I can't get enough of it! Bring it on! Unschooling heals and rocks!

—Janine Davies
SandraDodd.com/healing
(there are two sound files there, in addition
to more writing by Janine and others)

SandraDodd.com/proof
photo by Jihong Tang

Learning with and from kids

from a set of questions going around in 2009:

Question:

What ways have you found to continue your own learning? What kinds of things have you gotten interested in since having kids?

Sandra Dodd's response:

My kids have introduced me to music, movies, games and humor I wouldn't have known otherwise. It's been wonderful. Kirby moved nearly two years ago, but he still sends me recommendations for things to see and hear. I've met lots of unschoolers and their children, and corresponded with 20 times as many; from them I've learned more and more about unschooling.

SandraDodd.com/learning
photo by Janine Davies
(or a camera in a theatre lobby)

---

I tagged it "costumes", but it was a board with cutouts for them to stick their faces in, so... not sure how to tag it. I first learned about the musical "Cats" from Roxana Sorooshian, and then Holly Dodd, different aspects.

Embracing now

Embrace your present moment instead of yearning for what you don't have. I love the saying 'the grass is always greener where you water it.'

—Clare Kirkpatrick

SandraDodd.com/metime
photo by Janine Davies

Exciting, or same old home

Some of your days should be all new and exciting and novel, and some should be same old, same old comfortable home.

SandraDodd.com/repetition
photo by Janine Davies

More joyful ways to live

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

The first step is finding something that's better than what you have.

The second step is wanting to change.

The third step is figuring out how to change.

So, as you read along, you may wonder why I suggest that parents basically make life more difficult for themselves. The reason is because I believe it leads to a much better place. And that better place is a more joyful life for our children and our families.

—Joyce Fetteroll

Children and media discussion
photo by Janine Davies

Lots of little yeses

One big okay is a problem.
One giant "I'm changing everything" can make kids nervous, and could undermine their confidence in the mom's regard for them.

Depending how limited it was before, the mom shouldn't be surprised if there is a binge, or a frenzy. So go easy, and keep reading other things about unschooling, gradually, gently.

SandraDodd.com/betterchoice (Making the Better Choice)

Lots of little yeses are better than one big one (both for the mom and the kids).

Lots of little decisions are better than one unsustainable big one.

SandraDodd.com/problems/toofar
photo by Janine Davies

Light (and tractors)

Light returns [to tractors (in Wales)]:

Solstice and midwinter observances are varied, but seem always to involve light!

SandraDodd.com/light
photos by Janine Davies

Sleep, choices, jobs

[A] common question is whether someone who grew up without a schedule and a bed time and could ever hold "a real job." The assumption, I think, is that "real jobs" require getting up very early and at the same time every day. Marty did that for over a year when he worked at the grocery store near us. He worked Monday through Friday at 6:30 a.m. He had no problem with that schedule.

Looking up through the list of jobs, I will give as many shift-starting-times as I can remember, and you might wonder if someone who had grown up with a bed time and a regular schedule could ever hold a job.

AM

6:30 8:00 9:00 10:00 11:00

PM

1:00 3:00 4:30 5:00 6:00

---

Since this was written, the starting-times of jobs for my kids has gone around the clock, with Kirby starting sometimes at 11:00 at night (at Blizzard, like a hospital graveyard shift), and beginning at 5:00 a.m. (one of his computer support jobs when he moved back to Albuquerque). When Marty worked stocking shelves at Target, at Christmas season, he was there at 4:00 a.m. a time or two. Probably more.

SandraDodd.com/jobs/bigbook
photo by Janine Davies

The end of struggling

Relax! You can deal with problems better without struggling. You might find out that struggling WAS the problem.

A little more interesting
photo by Janine Davies
"the year Kesi asked Santa for a marrying suit ❤️"

"Permissive"?

Someone asked, once:

How do you feel about the word "permissive" to describe unschooling and the lifestyle surrounding it? (I'm hearing this word a lot when trying to explain unschooling to family and friends...)

My response was:

"Permissive" is a term of insult used by and among people who feel the right and duty to control.

It was used by aristocrats of other aristocrats who were not reigning in their servants to the point that was recommended to keep them in line.

It's used by strict teachers who demand silence and obedience in the classroom, of other teachers who actually engage in dialog with their students, and unscripted dialog at that, which could lead anywhere, instead of just leading to the correct answers in the book, and preparing people for the test.

Don't look as "permissiveness" as though it exists in nature. See it as the pejorative term it is, and see the beliefs of the only people who can use it: controlling people trying to make others be as controlling as they are.

---

There are some other ideas, too, at the link below, but I think the most valuable idea is to see choices rather than rules you're "permitting" people to ignore.

The original is here.
photo by Janine Davies

There was an improper word choice I've kept. A typo, more like. "Reigning" should've been "reining," but in the context in which I wrote it, long ago, I see why the error came and it makes some sense there. 🙂

Let light shine through you.

See how that cut-out affected the table, and the light? It's in Wales, but we can see it wherever we are today. See how that little jack-o-lantern ornament affected so much of the world?

I love the light through that orange bottle. Beautiful. I like the pumpkin, or gourd, too.

Janine saw all of that, and took a photo. I saw that photo, and sent it to you.

Beauty and patterns are all around us.

Let light shine through you.
SandraDodd.com/curiosity
photo by Janine Davies

"I hope you don't mind"

Dylan isn't twelve anymore; Deb Lewis still writes beautifully.

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Yesterday was David's birthday and we had guests. I left dishes in the sink when I went to bed. I got up early with the dogs but then went back to bed. When I got up later Dylan had done the dishes. He said "I know you really like to do the dishes mom, so I hope you don't mind, but I just felt like doing them."

Dylan is twelve.

I *know* living life joyfully makes a difference in the way our kids see us and the way they see the little things that make life better.

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/chores/tales
photo by Janine Davies