The world opens up

Joanna Murphy wrote:

With trust, the world opens up, horizons expand and life can seem exciting and limitless. Without trust, the world shuts down, gets narrow and petty.

I want more expansiveness in my life, not less.

The expansive quality of trust grows out from the center to touch every part of our lives. Trust that we ARE capable and that we will, through our honest endeavor, figure out a way. Trust that our children will find, ask or be provided with what they need, trust that they are in connection with us by their own choosing and free will—not through "enforcing." And trust that they will grow up loving and caring and interesting people without being "taught."

—Joanna Murphy

Very slightly edited from SandraDodd.com/trust
photo by Cátia Maciel

Trust

Joanne Murphy wrote:

Just yesterday a friend and I were discussing what we thought of as a distilling 'factor' that must be present for unschooling/mindful parenting to be successful. The factor that came up was TRUST.

With trust, the world opens up, horizons expand and life can seem exciting and limitless. Without trust, the world shuts down, gets narrow and petty. Each moment matters in the wrong way. I want more expansiveness in my life, not less."

—Joanna Murphy

SandraDodd.com/trust
photo by Holly Dodd

Trust can grow

"There are many things one can trust as one begins unschooling. Draw on what you know about your child, your partner and yourself to nurture confidence. Trust in unschooling will deepen and grow as one gains understanding and experience. Oh! Which reminds me! I trusted that others who had unschooled their children successfully before me knew some things (a lot of things, it turned out) that could help me. That trust grew as I tried some of the things people suggested and they proved to be very useful."

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/karenjames/trust
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp
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Powerful trust

Jenny Cyphers wrote:

The striking difference for me, and the real beauty of unschooling compared to school at home and school is the fact that my kids trust themselves.

They trust themselves to know how and what to do. They trust themselves to do what is best for them. This is largely due to the fact that they are trusted. That trust gives them power over their own beings and the decisions they make.

—JennyCyphers

Sparkly Unschooling
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Like Riding a Bicycle

Vickie Bergman, some of her nice analogy about unschooling being like riding bikes:

Your own bicycle is powered by your own legs, steered by your own hands. It stops when you stop, goes where you want to go. But it's not that you are always responsible for your own movement. You are not just left to figure it out for yourself. When you prefer to have some level of assistance getting where you want to go, you also have tandem bicycles and bike trailers available to you. You get to choose if you want help and what kind and how much. And your parents are ready to help whenever and however you want them to.

No matter which kind of bicycle you are on, there is no separation between you and the outside world. No window to look out. You can smell the real world, hear the real world, stop and touch the real world. You are part of the real world. There are paths to follow if you want to, but your rides are not limited to the paths.
. . . .

That is unschooling. It is not a model of education, but a way of life. It is recognizing that people learn from living, and there is no need to separate learning from living. Unschooling lets a family live together, learn together. It is built on trust among family members, and trust in human nature. Trust that children have a strong desire to learn about things, even if those things may not be on the short list of school subjects. Trust that, with your acceptance and support, your child will follow his own path, leading exactly where he wants to go.

—Vickie Bergman

More at: SandraDodd.com/bicycle
photo by Vickie Bergman

Trust learning

"Don’t trust children to be right. Trust children to be able to make a guess and then learn from what happens." —Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/trust
photo by Megan Valnes

A little trust, one step

Someone had written, of unschooling:

It sounds like it takes an enormous amount of trust in everything to allow this process to happen.

I responded:

It takes a little trust, and desire, and willingness, to take one step. It gets easier as you go. No one can take all of the steps at once.

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No one can, or should, have trust in everything. Try things out. Think carefully, and observe directly. Practice!

Read a little, try a little, wait a while, watch.
photo by Sarah Dickinson

Listen, learn and trust

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

*Listen* to what she says with an open mind. Don't listen with an ear tuned to your ideas of what she should be thinking or should not be thinking. Listen to *her* ideas. Don't impose your "right" way of thinking on her. Don't lead her to your "right" way of viewing the world. Listen to her growing understanding. Trust that she's a thinking being and her ideas will change as she gains experience with the world. Trust she'll value kindness if who she is is treated with respect and kindness. Trust that she'll want to step on your ideas if you show her that's what you do with people who don't have the same ideas as you do.

—Joyce Fetteroll

Joyce wrote that on the Always Learning discussion list on July 22, 2010.
photo by Sandra Dodd
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A little trust, one step

Someone had written, of unschooling:

It sounds like it takes an enormous amount of trust in everything to allow this process to happen.

I responded:

It takes a little trust, and desire, and willingness, to take one step. It gets easier as you go. No one can take all of the steps at once.

---

No one can, or should, have trust in everything. Try things out. Think carefully, and observe directly. Practice!

Read a little, try a little, wait a while, watch.
photo by Sarah Dickinson

Swirl

Ren Allen wrote:

"You can read all the books, you can talk to unschoolers, attend a conference and join some lists. But until you GET IT at the internal level, until there is trust and a willingness to extend that trust to your children, unschooling is just a nice idea or philosophy to discuss...nothing more. For those that decide to learn to trust themselves and their children, they soon find their lives a bubbly, interesting swirl of natural learning."

—Ren Allen

SandraDodd.com/gettingit
photo by Hinano

Earn your children's trust

Live your life in such a way that other people will trust you. When you make decisions, make generous, selfless decisions so that others benefit. When you say something, do your best to say what is fair and right and true. When you write, write things you don't mind people taking out and sharing.

A person is only trustworthy if he has earned trust, if he is worthy of being trusted.

BENEFITS beyond just "be a better parent"
photo by Marty Dodd

A bubbly, interesting swirl

Ren Allen wrote:

You can attend a thousand Zen classes at a University and still not understand it because it is something that is internal. You can have a bunch of nice meditation products and still be angry. You can make a big deal out of living simply and still miss all the beauty around you.

It's not about the accoutrements but the "seeing with new eyes."

Sorta like unschooling.

You can read all the books, you can talk to unschoolers, attend a conference and join some lists. But until you GET IT at the internal level, until there is trust and a willingness to extend that trust to your children, unschooling is just a nice idea or philosophy to discuss...nothing more. For those that decide to learn to trust themselves and their children, they soon find their lives a bubbly, interesting swirl of natural learning.

—Ren Allen

SandraDodd.com/gettingit
photo by Sandra Dodd; cool things
in Ericka Mahowald's room in Northborough, Massachusetts
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The deepest trust

Make a mental note of those times when you know in your soul that this is really working well. Those mental notes help you gain understanding, confidence, and ultimately build trust in the process of unschooling, and in your children. The deepest trust happens when you see it in action for yourself, when your understanding meshes with your experiences.

—Pam Laricchia
Free to Live

SandraDodd.com/hsc/interviews/paml
photo by Sandra Dodd, of stairs, steps, and shadows
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Building trust

"Make a mental note of those times when you know in your soul that this is really working well. That act helps you gain understanding, confidence, and ultimately build trust in the process of unschooling, and in your children. The deepest trust happens when you see it in action for yourself, when your understanding meshes with your experiences—that's when you 'feel it in your bones'."

—Pam Laricchia

The quote is from the manuscript of Pam Laricchia's forthcoming book, Free to Live, which should be available by the beginning of 2013,
and is used with the author's permission.
photo by Sandra Dodd

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2020 update: That was Pam's second book and there are others now, too!
Pam Laricchia's Books
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Honest, attentive and reliable

Quote & reply quote:

Trust is a more useful word. Over time, kids develop a sense of whether or not parents are trustworthy sources of information and assistance."

—Meredith Meredith

"Good point. And very often, parents 'demand respect' without any idea that they need to earn it. For a child to trust a parent, the parent needs to be worthy of trust—trustworthy. Trustable. Then after many years of being honest and attentive and reliable, the children will respect them. Because they're respectable."

—Sandra Dodd

The originals are here, a few comments down, in a brief, good discussion on facebook. De Flowers saved and shared the part above in 2014.
photo by Tessa Onderwater
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Trust and faith

Trust and faith are the most powerful tools parents of teens have. Too many parents squander those trying to control toddlers and young children.

SandraDodd.com/trust
photo by Sandra Dodd

Trust; it's true

Caren Knox wrote:

Trust is a vital foundation to building an unschooling home. If kids can't trust that what their parents are saying is true, their foundation is shaky, perilous. That affects their ability to learn, and harms the relationship they have with the world (and their parents).

Why bring a negative force into the home?

If you're used to sarcasm and other lying, it might take practice to learn to speak honestly. It can feel vulnerable and risky. It is worth it. You'll soon be able to feel if what you are about to say is true — really true — and you'll develop the ability to stop, breathe, and change what you're saying if needed.

—Caren Knox

Deposit the good stuff.
photo by Cathy Koetsier

Trust and respect

Trust and respect go together. Someone who is trustworthy will be respected.



SandraDodd.com/trust
photo by Julie D.

Become trustworthy

Parents, in order to have their children trust them, should become trustworthy.
. . . .Trust and respect go together. Someone who is trustworthy will be respected.

SandraDodd.com/trust
photo by Lisa Jonick

Understanding and experience

"There are many things one can trust as one begins unschooling. Draw on what you know about your child, your partner and yourself to nurture confidence. Trust in unschooling will deepen and grow as one gains understanding and experience."

—Karen James

Trust
photo by Gail Higgins
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