Living well without boredom

From Wikipedia, about boredom:

There are three types of boredom, all of which involve problems of engagement of attention. These include times when we are prevented from engaging in some wanted activity, when we are forced to engage in some unwanted activity, or when we are simply unable, for no apparent reason, to maintain engagement in any activity or spectacle.

If that list is to be accepted, then unschooling parents can avoid boredom by finding ways to help children engage in wanted activities, not pressing them to engage in unwanted activities, and provide options to any activity or spectacle. (I'm thinking having quiet toys, a book, a Gameboy, smart phone or iPad on hand.

Boredom and unschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd

Boredom as an emotion

Another homeschooling mom once wrote, "It's a valuable lesson to learn to deal with boredom, just like all other emotions."

Until I read that, I hadn’t ever thought of boredom as an emotion. I liked the idea. When a child comes to me seeking advice on how to deal with any emotional state, I'm flattered and glad for the opportunity.


Sometimes the real message behind "I'm bored" is "I'm little and feeling agitated and vaguely unhappy and I don't know what I can do to get over this uncomfortable feeling. What would you do if you were my age, in this house, on a day like this?"

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The words above are straight from
"Bored No More", an article I wrote in 1998.
I just left out all the boring parts!

the photo is by Holly Dodd, of Jill Parmer

A fascinated adult

Because John Holt was SO interested in children, every time he interacted with one, he saw a child interacting with a fascinated adult. THIS is one of the things unschoolers need to remember. When the adult brings boredom, cynicism, criticism and doubt to the table, that's what he'll see and that's how he'll see it, and it will be no fault of the child's whatsoever.

SandraDodd.com/johnholt
photo by Lisa Jonick
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Your mind and your vision

Because John Holt was SO interested in children, every time he interacted with one, he saw a child interacting with a fascinated adult. THIS is one of the things unschoolers need to remember. When the adult brings boredom, cynicism, criticism and doubt to the table, that's what he'll see and that's how he'll see it, and it will be no fault of the child's whatsoever.


SandraDodd.com/johnholt
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Anything but that...

Deb Lewis, on responding to a child who has expressed a feeling of boredom:

Put her on your lap and snuggle and visit awhile. Talk about something interesting you read in the newspaper, tell her you're going to make her favorite thing for dinner, talk about anything at all except why she shouldn't be bored. Pull out a game she really likes and sit and play with her. Go for a walk around the neighborhood together. Invite her to make cupcakes.

She's not so much interested in you telling her what to do or why she shouldn't be bored. She wants you to help her feel better. Spend time with her talking and doing and that will help.

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/BoredNoMore
photo by Sandra Dodd

Learn and share

Karen James, to a worried mom with a young teen daughter:

Try not to worry. I know that's hard. I'm a worrier, myself. But when we worry about another person, it becomes a burden for them on top of what they are already experiencing. Just be with her, as fully as you can. If she's telling you she's bored, she's inviting you into her experience. Join her. Learn about her. Share yourself with her too. You'll likely learn a lot about her (and yourself) in the process, and I'm confident it will be enriching and rewarding for you both.

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/boredom/karen
photo by Sandra Dodd

Connect and assist

An expression of boredom is a request for connection, for input, for assistance with the world.

Bored No More
photo by Sandra Dodd, but Holly put the clock in the tree years ago

An Invitation to Bonding

Maybe it’s not physical need, but intellectual need. Boredom is a desire for input that unschooling parents should welcome. It’s a child saying “How can I add excitement to my life?” This can be a big opportunity to introduce a new subject, activity, or thought-collection.

Maybe it’s an emotional need, and the parent’s undivided attention for a little while will solve the problem. A walk, some joking, a hug, inquiries about progress on the child’s projects or plans or friends might serve many purposes at once. If after a walk and a talk the child is not quite refreshed, you still had that time together, which made “I’m bored” a useful invitation to bonding.

Bored No More
photo by Sandra Dodd
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An interested and interesting adult

Someone wrote to me: "I’m starting to see why you admire John Holt. Will you tell me more about him?" I responded:

I admire his courage and his writings. ...

He wasn't married. He didn't have kids. What he learned he learned from other people's kids in classrooms and when visiting in their homes, and he was SO interested in kids that their lives were different just for his being there, so what he saw often was how a child is in the presence of a really interested and interesting adult. That's the part I want to emulate.

Because John Holt was SO interested in children, every time he interacted with one, he saw a child interacting with a fascinated adult. THIS is one of the things unschoolers need to remember. When the adult brings boredom, cynicism, criticism and doubt to the table, that's what he'll see and that's how he'll see it, and it will be no fault of the child's whatsoever.

SandraDodd.com/johnholt
photo by Sandra Dodd

Riches

Joyce Fetteroll, in response to someone wondering whether boredom or deprivation would increase curiosity:

If all a kid has is rocks and sticks, they'll turn those rocks and sticks into a wide variety of things. If a kid has a Pokemon, it's usually going to be a Pokemon. To see the rich storytelling the child doing, it takes more attention and more understanding of what the child is interested in.

Einstein and Ferrari and e.e. cummings and Steve Jobs didn't build from sticks and stones. They built off of what others had created before. Kids shouldn't have to be made to reinvent story telling because their parents aren't engaged enough to understand what's happening with the Barbies and the Pokemon.

—Joyce Fetteroll

photo by Sandra Dodd
of toys bought at a carboot sale
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Do more for and with your child

Someone wrote:

"My worry is that I am needing to do something bigger/more."

I responded:

If you don’t feel like you’re doing enough, do more.
Accept the uncomfortable feeling as you would hunger or sleepiness, and act on it, a bit. See if that helps. If so, do more.

Instead of offering suggestions, do things for him, and with him. There are lots of ideas on my site (and other places you could google up) but here’s a list Deb Lewis wrote a few years ago that I really like:

Things to do in the Winter
SandraDodd.com/strew/deblist

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Original text here (fourth comment):
"Bored" and "Lazy"—Amy Childs podcast episode from August 2014

The player isn't working at that link,
but you can listen at SandraDodd.com/boredom/

photo by Colleen Prieto