Language first

Whole language involves language as communication, rather than as separate parts (writing / reading / spelling). First language; details later.

The Big Book of Unschooling, page 93 or 102, "Phonics and Whole Language"
webpage connections: Phonics or Spelling
photo by Kirby Dodd
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Comforting and comfortable

Life can be based on comforting others, on finding ways to be comfortable ourselves. I don't mean comfortably wealthy, I mean being at peace—not making other people uncomfortable. There are emotional and mental and physical comforts most people never knew existed, but unschoolers have learned to get used to them!

"Comforts", The Big Book of Unschooling (page 12, any edition)
photo by Sandra Dodd

Being at peace

No life is peaceful at every moment, but the more peaceful moments you have, the more peaceful are the lives of all concerned. The lives of those indirectly affected are also closer to peace.

SandraDodd.com/peace
photo by Sophie Larcher

Calm and patience

Jenny Cyphers wrote, in 2014:

It's such a big part of our culture to get it done now, fix it all now, make it happen now, do, do, do, do. Sometimes what life really requires is calm and patience. A very valuable thing to learn in life is to how to take care of ourselves and others during times of stress and times that aren't ideal and wonderful.

—Jenny Cyphers

Moments: Living in moments instead of by whole days
photo by Kinsey Norris
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Wrapped in comfort

"Being the parent to my kids that I needed when I was younger has wrapped my own self in a comfort I never got to have before."

—Jen Keefe (here)

SandraDodd.com/healing
photo by Kinsey Norris
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Sharing life

I expected unschooling to cause me to be closer to my kids, when they were young, than I might otherwise have been. As time went by, though, I found that I was being kinder to my husband and nicer to my pets.

Others have reported this effect, and their surprise. As unschooling principles became a deeper part of their lives, they discovered a gentler homelife, and an expectation of kindness.

Unforeseen Benefits of Unschooling
photo by Meredith Dew

Is learning fun?

Kathryn Baptista wrote, in a discussion about formerly-schooled kids who assert that learning is not fun:

Playing games is fun. Watching tv is fun. Reading can be fun (if it's something you like and you're doing it for...well...fun.) Playing with (and maybe even taking care of) the dog is fun, pretending to be a pirate, making things, using the computer, maybe cooking... Fun.

You get the idea. And most people who are here, even the beginners, will recognize that for any and all of these things that kids choose to do for fun during the day can be a source of remarkable learning.

—Kathryn Baptista
2006

CONNECTIONS: How Learning Works
photo by Lourdes Garcia

Value

Megan Fenn wrote:

I no longer look for learning when they are watching shows or playing games. I know they are learning.

I used to watch for it as part of my “try a little” practise to see the value in what they are doing. I don’t do that anymore. I know what they do has value because they value it. And I know they are learning because they learn from everything they do.

—Megan Fenn

Read a little...
photo by Nina Gold

Learning about food

Moms feel self-righteous when they worry. And they sometimes feel fantastic when other moms approve of their concerns. While the moms are congratulating each other about being so controlling, the poor kids are sad and hungry.

Chat transcript, discussing the pages on food in The Big Book of Unschooling
photo by JR Terry

Look for this!

"Don't look for 'behaviors.' Look for learning and thinking and pondering and excitement and happiness!"

—Robin Bentley

SandraDodd.com/exploration
photo by Sarah Clark

More and more joy

Sudden change confuses kids, they don't trust it, they assume it's temporary, and so their behavior reflects that. And it robs parents of the joy of gradually allowing more and more, as the parents learn more and more. You could have said "okay" and "sure" hundreds of times instead of "whatever you want" one time, and the gradual change would have been a joy.

That was in a discussion and I used "joy" twice in too short a space,
so it's not my best writing, but joy IS what unschooling needs.

SandraDodd.com/gradualchange
photo by Sarah Clark
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Looking and learning

Amy Carpenter wrote:

For us, right where our kids were—loving music and TV and video games—was a great starting place for more. Going to concerts, finding out how different bands have influenced each other, figuring out how people have made the movies they've posted on YouTube, researching FAQs, talking with other gamers, looking up weapons that are used in the video games, playing the music we've heard in video games, pretending and finding new connections through our pretend games, talking through the logic of different strategies, looking up actors on IMDB—all of this keeps leading to more and more learning about how the world works, about how the creative process works.

—Amy Carpenter

SandraDodd.com/activeunschooling
photo by Rhiannon Theurer
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High horse on holy ground

Carol/sognokids wrote:

One day Colton and Bud returned from the library, thrilled with what they had found. A video copy of "Godzilla!" I snorted derisively and suggested that our time would be better spent with a book. I was ignored. They made some popcorn and started the movie. I sat with them on the couch, or to be more accurate, on my moral high horse....

A voice whispered in my ear: Look at them, Carol. Just LOOK at them! .... They were totally connected to each other through their movie experience, and it was a joy to watch. I knew that they were making a memory together....

We have laughed and cried together as we have watched, and we have wondered and marveled.... And when I watch my husband and son stomping around the house like Godzilla as they destroy Tokyo, I know that I am standing on holy ground.

—Carol/sognokids

The rest is worth reading, and there's a story by Deb Lewis, too:
SandraDodd.com/t/godzilla
photo borrowed from 60 Years of Godzilla

Love in the moment

Deb Lewis wrote:

One of the beautiful things about unschooling is it gives our kids time to really explore the things they love—to see where they might lead. And if they don't lead to a career or life-long hobby, the love of the thing, in the moment, is still a valuable experience. If you could magically know what would give your child joy, wouldn't you want to provide it? The magic is in trusting our kids to know what they want and in helping them do as much of that as we possibly can. It's not always easy or comfortable, but how do you put a price on learning and joy?

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/limits/listening
photo by Stephanie Guthaus
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Be that way

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

Treat them the way you want them to treat others - It's easy to be nice when the kids are nice. The kids need to see how people (you) can be patient and kind when life isn't going smoothly. They need to see how to work with someone whose view is different. They will get to see that by how you treat them when their view is different from yours. If you treat their needs and feelings as less important, they'll learn to treat other's needs and feelings as less important. And then when you're old and bedridden, they'll say, "No, you don't need more tea, no, you don't need to finish that TV program. I have other things to do than tending to your needs. Can't you see how busy I am?"

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/happychildhood
photo by Erika Andromeda, of a patient child and his well-loved Great Grannny

Unusual but doable

If a family is looking for rules and passivity, they can create a lifetime of it. If a family wants joy and learning, the creation is a bit more difficult and unusual but doable!

SandraDodd.com/zombies
photo by Amber Ivey
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Seeing peace

Words and photo by Belinda Dutch:



My teenagers who don’t always find it easy to ‘hang out’ together, sharing the fire. Dog is just out of shot. Louis is watching an instructional video on a game made by a friend and Olly is watching real people jumping horses. I ealised that this would normally be interpreted grumpily as ‘today’s teenagers always plugged in, should participate in the real world more,’ and instead I relish it as ‘my teenagers peacefully hanging out together and with me, while following their passions and engaging with the world.’

Thank you for helping me see that! And if you ever want to use the pic you are welcome :-) it’s nice and wintery….

Learning to See Differently
photo by Belinda Dutch

Don't make a big deal

Something by Lyle Perry:

Plan on doing most of the cleaning for awhile. Better yet, plan on doing ALL of the cleaning for awhile, and whenever someone else pitches in, you may appreciate it more. Try not to look at it as "I have to do it all!", because you don't have to do it all. There's always a choice. If you don't feel like cleaning today, then don't. Will the house get messier? Yup. Is it a big deal? Shouldn't be. ... Cleaning doesn't have to be a big deal. Don't make it a big deal and your kids may be more inclined to follow in your footsteps. —Lyle Perry

SandraDodd.com/chores/intro
photo by Alex Polikowsky

Problem solving together

"Three skyping with a friend in another town, all in the same server, problem solving and being together." —Holly Blossom


A month ago, I needed a photo to go with a Deb Lewis quote, so I asked in a facebook discussion "Does someone have quick access to a photo of a kid or kids or family watching TV, at your house?" I got dozens that day, and more later.

Since December 31, I have used one of those in every post. If you noticed, cool. If you didn't notice, that's even better. Many were not "TV," and that's fine. The categories are blurring together.

I will go back to more variety after today, and use some of the others from this collection here and there. There are photos that show interaction and peace, relaxation and excitement. Some showed lone thought (though the photographer was there) and some were group activities. You're looking into some backlit screen as you read this.

Rejoice and be grateful for our ability to share.

SandraDodd.com/screentime
photo by Holly Blossom

Choosing choices

Go for ways to be kind, be a partner, say yes more than no, don't label children, HOPE that they will be better able to tolerate lots more things as they get older.

Choices are the way to go. Moms can practice them first, and help children have and make them as years go by.

SandraDodd.com/stress
photo by Andrea Justice
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