Everything is better

The better people have examined and come to peace with their childhoods, the better they are in every moment. Not just with children, but with other adults and alone with themselves. Sleep is better, eating is better, everything is better.

SandraDodd.com/deschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd

In bits & pieces

Caren Knox wrote:

I don't even think about learning any more. It's not something I can quantify, or say how it's happening for anyone other than me — and quite frequently, I can't for me, either. It's organic. It's in bits & pieces so small we don't notice.

It's in this or that conversation, chance meeting, or something we come across on google. I can say, "I want to learn the lyrics to I'm Yours" so I google that, but who can say what I learn along the way?...

—Caren Knox

How do they learn? (Caren Knox responding)
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Quiet time for parents

Unschooling takes a long time to learn. Rushing a child to understand something complicated while the parent isn’t even looking in the right direction to see unschooling is a problem that’s easily solved. Stop pressuring the child. Stop “communicating” the confusion. Quietly empty yourself of much of what you think you know. If it were working, there would’ve been no reason to ask us for help.

With a mind open to change, then, go here: Read a little...

Children need time to heal. Quiet time is probably better than constant noise, no matter how much the noise is intended to express love and reassurance.

SandraDodd.com/quiet
photo by Hinano
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Sky

"Be thankful. Notice little things throughout the day that are simply good. The health of your children. The pattern on the soap bubbles in your kitchen sink. How perfect a favourite mug feels in your hand or looks on a shelf. A laugh. An easy moment. The breeze. The sunshine. A connection with a loved one. A touch in passing. A deep breath. A full moon. A cat purr. A hole-free sock. 😉 "

—Karen James

Deschooling (by Karen James)
photo by Gail Higgins
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You can't see it all

No matter how far you look, you can't see it all.

No matter how hard you squint, you won't understand everything.

Rejoice in what you see and know.

SandraDodd.com/angles
photo by Gail Higgins

In the world

I will know more later, but from my vantage point as someone with two "of age" boys and a girl about to turn eighteen, it seems that the adult products of unschooling turn out to be adult humans who were relatively unhampered as they learned and grew.


Many things we have been told and assumed were natural human behavior seem now to be natural side effects of schooling.

School promises a child that if he's good, someday he can take his place in the world. They're still making him that promise when he's a young adult: "Someday…"

Unschooled children are in the world from an early age. When they reach adulthood they have a carriage and calm that I believe came from having being respected as people for many years. It's hard to describe, but impossible to ignore.

SandraDodd.com/youngadults
[page 264 (or 305— "Young Adults") of The Big Book of Unschooling
photo by Alex Polikowsky
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Be dignified

Be dignified, if you want your children to respect you and to grow up to be dignified themselves. You cannot maintain your dignity and also embrace INdignity. Breathe and think of your children's need for peace so that unschooling can thrive in your home.

Indignation is not a virtue.

SandraDodd.com/indignation
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Inside and outside

I have some good plants in my house. Outside it can be too harsh for most plants to survive, but indoors is safer.

The photo was taken far from New Mexico, but still shows some life inside, and some less-lively structure outside.

Two ideas: Sitting around watching plants grow isn't as good as some other things you could do, and don't be too prejudiced against being inside!

SandraDodd.com/t/memories
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Every day or two

Strewing is a little like at school, when they change the bulletin boards for different seasons, or museums when they change displays.

It's restaging the learning area.

Unschoolers don't need to wait weeks or months to restage, though. Something interesting might be set out every day or two.

SandraDodd.com/strewing
photo by Sandra Dodd

What do you call it?

This photo shows healthy, blooming native plants, layers of natural hillside, and hand-hewn cedar fence posts.


Or I could tell you that there's a state highway up above a mis-matched bunch of broken-down fence around an overgrown cemetery.

Both are true.
Which made you feel better?

Help others to see beauty and to feel abundance.

SandraDodd.com/words
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Seasons

Another year, another hemisphere, flowers now gone.


Seasons and flowers are variable, and local. Deserts and jungles, mountains and shorelines, all have special things to discover at different times of the day, and of the season, and of the year.

Be still and appreciate the many peaceful moments. Store up gentle memories.


SandraDodd.com/day/ebbandflow
photo by Jihong Tang
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Flower Bath

I lifted the title of this post from Lydia Koltai's name for this photo she took. Naming these posts is fun but sometimes difficult, as I try not to duplicate even those I've borrowed from years ago. I like to hope that someone who doesn't open the e-mail, or read the text, might still be inspired by the title. "Flower bath" qualifies in that way.

Combine things that haven't been combined at your house. Do something that has never been done in your life before.

SandraDodd.com/deblewis/courage
(The words above are Sandra Dodd's, new today,
but the link is to "Becoming Courageous," by Deb Lewis.)
photo by Lydia Koltai
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Plans change

When you can, allow for flexible plans. Your vision of the moment might not be as good as what could spontaneously occur. Sometimes, instead of calling your child back, follow her out of the frame.

SandraDodd.com/priorities
(New words here, many good words there.)
photo by Beth Lamb

Sensational

Sensational Sensation Senses Color, texture, scent. Sound. Taste. Let your days be sensational.

SandraDodd.com/checklists
photo by Hinano
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Knowledge grows everywhere

My strongly held belief about most things is that no one knows for sure, knowledge grows and changes, but that stress and fear are always harmful.

SandraDodd.com/calm
photo by Ve Lacerda

Clutter or beauty?

Clutter and beauty can coexist. Seeing what's interesting can remind you that clutter can be cleaned up later, but beauty should be seen whenever possible. When children are older, clutter can subside. Find the good parts today.

SandraDodd.com/chores/joy
photo by Sandra Dodd

Be a safe place

Here is how to make yourself a safer, more peaceful person, before you even finish reading this post:

Just let your breath out, and don't breath back in right away. Empty out.
You can't talk without any air in you.

That will seem like five seconds, if you're full of adrenaline. But it will be one second or less.

Then your body will naturally fill back up, whether you want it to or not.
And the breath you breathe in will be all new oxygen. Not that dirty used adrenaline cloud you had built up before that. It might not totally dissipate in one breath; it might take three.

Hold it in. Top it off. Hold it. Let it out slowly—all the way out. Huff out the rest. Hold it out. Breathe in slowly...

There are a lot of people in prison for life who might not be there if they had known they could let all their breath out, breath back in, hold it.

And there are parents who swat their kids, or yell at them, or say something mean the kid might remember for life, when they could have breathed out, huffed out the rest, breathed in a deep breath.

Deep breaths will probably help. You don't have to do it formally, and nobody even needs to know you're doing it.

SandraDodd.com/chats/breathing
photo by Rachel Singer

Better? Better!

Ultimately, "better" and "good" will be seen in retrospect, or in realizations that things are WAY better than they used to be. That "better" is between children and parents, and happens when it happens, not because of anything anyone here says or thinks.

SandraDodd.com/goodorbad
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Straight, meandering, twisting

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

Instead of thinking there are real interests versus momentary ones (as if those momentary ones are not also real or true), our time and energy are better spent encouraging and supporting the interests that our kids actually do have.

Picture a large piece of paper with circles of all sizes drawn all over it. Each circle represents an interest. A kid moves from circle to circle—they are like stepping stones. The child creates his or her own path by moving from one stepping stone to another. Some are part of a path that goes straight to some ultimate goal or achievement, others are part of paths that meander and let the person have a variety of experiences. Some are part of paths that twist and turn. Sometimes the kid sits on one of them for a really long time. Sometimes the path leads away from the current interest to something seemingly unrelated. And so on.

Looking back, we can often see the path pretty clearly. But we can't look ahead and know what the path is going to be.

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/flitting
photo by Chrissy Florence
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Help them navigate the world

Marta Pires wrote:

I could've easily been one of those moms who thought that saying anything to my child would be limiting her, and who could've been afraid of her daughter's sensitivity. I can see clearly now that they don't learn how to handle these situations simply from seeing us do things one way or another (although it's important, of course), but we need to give them information and find out the best way to do it, having our own child in mind. That's not damaging them or limiting them at all, quite the contrary—I think it's helping them navigate the world and become respectful, considerate, polite adults.

—Marta Pires

SandraDodd.com/coaching
photo by Sandra Dodd