Native thoughtfulness and competence

If we've been conditioned to believe that children are unworthy and inferior but we consciously step away from that place and see the wholeness in our children, then one of the easiest things to see is the lack of wholeness in ourselves. It can be frightening.

When we see the level of thoughtfulness and competence a small child can have when he hasn’t been belittled or discouraged or shushed, we can start to think that if we undo the discouraging, belittling and shushing voices inside of us, we might regenerate our own native thoughtfulness and competence.

Mindful Parenting / SandraDodd.com/rentalk
photo by Jo Isaac (a wedge-tailed eagle)
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Right now, today

Deb Lewis's words:

You don't get another chance to be the mom to these kids right now, today. When they are grown and gone from you, you can have the cleanest house in the neighborhood. But what is the most important thing today? What will you be happier remembering in your old age; that your house always looked nice or that your kids were happy? What will your children be happy to remember about their time with you? Dirty houses always wait for you to get around to them. Children don't, and shouldn't have to.

Happy, happy, happy.

— Deb Lewis

Modelling Joy
photo by Sarah Peshek

A Day of Wonder

Paula L. wrote, years ago:

I wondered if I should pick up the puzzle pieces from the carpet, since the puzzle was mostly ignored. Maybe it was too hard for my 3-year-old.

He started messing around with the pieces and excitedly fitting them together. He asked for my help and we had a blast finishing it.

As the day went on, Paula wondered many more things. It's beautiful writing.

I wondered if the day could have been more magical.

And I knew the answer was no.

—Paula L.

This beautiful, lyrical account...
SandraDodd.com/day/paulawonder
photo by Julie D.

Doing Nothing, and finding balance

Halfway between the past we can't change and the future we can only imagine, we find ourselves in the present. Not just the present year, but the present day; not just the present day, but the present moment.

From Balancing in the Middle Ground:

[Some families] had stopped doing school, and then stopped making their kids do anything, and now their kids were doing NOTHING.

Aside from the idea of the rich potential of their "nothing," the parents had gone from making their kids do everything, to "making them do nothing." And interestingly, it did make them "do nothing," at first. Or at least the parents couldn't see the new things they were doing.

Rather than moving from one edge of a dichotomy to the other, the goal is to move to a whole new previously unknown middle place.

Holly Dodd, and the false sea onion

photo by Holly Dodd in 2009
original post, 2010

Learning All the Time

One of the filmmakers sent this to me in 2009, with this note:

I have recently made a film showing autonomous home ed in action.

My own son and a friend's son have an interest in movie making and wanted to do a free course which became available locally. As part of their learning they learned how to conduct interviews (which you will see on film) and which were totally unscripted. The children interviewed each other and us. I was also involved in filming and took responsibility for the editing which created the finished product. You see me on film talking about the dilemma of filming a process which is internal and which goes on all the time anyway! Other footage was filmed at a couple of home ed meets where, again, nothing scripted or staged took place, I simply filmed the children being their natural selves. I think what comes through is a strong sense of freedom and joy. Reactions over here have been very positive and I would like, if possible, for the film to be seen by unschoolers across the water.


SandraDodd.com/learningallthetime
The filmmakers and families, in South Wales, preferred to be nameless

Just a moment

Schuyler Waynforth wrote:

Today, in the car, as we drove to the swimming pool, I was talking to David about how I can't think of the last time I would write off a day as a bad day. There are bad moments, but I don't think we've had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day in, well, a very, very long time. Looking at tense moments as moments instead of as the great swath of time that a day can be makes a huge difference in how I respond to something. Or how I offer myself. Or how I respond to Simon or Linnaea when they are having a difficult moment.

—Schuyler Waynforth

SandraDodd.com/moment
photo by Sandra Dodd, from an upstairs window in Derby, Derbyshire, of men at a lawn bowls club across the road. That ball was in the air for just a moment, in early June 2011, and I'm glad I caught a photo of it. Thanks again, Elaine.

Good reasons to be positive

Since my kids weren't going to have teachers at school to validate their interests or to introduce them to things I "hated," I decided not to hate anything, and to leave as much of the world accessible to my kids without them feeling they were messing with something I didn't like, or asking about something I disapproved of.

When I reject something from my life, it closes doors, in my head, and in my soul. I can't make connections there anymore. I have eliminated it from active play. It's not good for unschoolers.

Everyone has the freedom to be negative. Not everyone has thought of good reasons to be more positive.

Becoming more open
photo by Gigi Polikowsky