The sky

"Look at those sticks poking out of the sky!!" —Gail Higgins the photographer What you see is what you think.

SandraDodd.com/perspective.html
photo by Gail Higgins

Ease into change

Instead of just going from lots of control to "do whatever you want," a really sweet way to do it is quickly but gradually. Quickly in your head, but not all of a sudden in theirs. Just allow yourself to say "okay" or "sure!" anytime it's not really going to be a problem.If something isn't going to hurt anything (going barefoot, wearing the orange jacket with the pink dress, eating a donut, not coming to dinner because it's the good part of a game/show/movie, staying up later, dancing) you can just say "Okay."

And then later instead of "aren't you glad I let you do that? Don't expect it every time," you could say something reinforcing for both of you, like "That really looked like fun," or "It felt better for me to say yes than to say no. I should say 'yes' more," or something conversational but real.

The purpose of that is to help ease them from the controlling patterns to a more moment-based and support-based decisionmaking mindset. If they want to do something and you say yes in an unusual way (unusual to them), communication will help. That way they'll know you really meant to say yes, that it wasn't a fluke, or you just being too distracted to notice what they were doing.

SandraDodd.com/eating/control.html
photo by Julie D

Quiet depth and energy

Generally, parents and neighbors and friends tend to notice and maybe be impressed by a lot of noise and action and reaction. I'm happy to have learned, gradually, over the past 32+ years, that moving toward quiet acceptance and observation has more depth and energy and connection than a bunch of correction, direction and commentary, from parents to children.

in a discussion on Always Learning
(if you're not a member, it's not worth joining to read that)
photo by Chrissy Florence

Time out / Update

Thanks to Pam Laricchia and her son Michael, pages are all opening on my website again. I'm giddy and grateful for the code they wrote for me to add in the header of my 404 page. My husband, Keith, survived repeated cardiac arrest and over a month of hospitalization. This week he had his last of ten outpatient physical therapy sessions. He's graduated up through wheelchair and walker, to cane, to normal locomotion. I drive him to various appointments, and am glad to be with him. Thank you for reading, for sympathy and for support.

from April 8, about how long Keith was in the hospital, and his first day home
photo by Sandra Dodd, of a bucket and shovel, in our son Marty's back yard this week

Calm and open

Unschoolers' support of their children's interests not only creates more peace at the time, and better relationships, but it keeps the world calm and open to them, for their dabbling, curiosity, and exploration.

from a facebook discussion about learning
photo by Sandra Dodd

Charlie eats an apple

"I was looking at the photos on my phone tonight and found this (Jack must have taken it, hence the angle). It is Charlie (3) eating an apple in front of the telly right beside of a full pot of sweets. I thought it was a rather lovely illustration of the choices kids make when they have them, and I thought of you because they never would have had that choice without all your writing." —Sarah Dickinson

SandraDodd.com/eating/apple.html
photo by Jack Dickinson

Slower

I wrote: Many things are made better by slowing down. Touching a child is nicer in slow motion than abruptly. Responding to a question can be improved by a pause as long as a single breath. Lisa J Haugen wrote: That's why I love the 'add light and stir' blog title. It's such a lovely image—add a little bit, let it swirl into your life, and incorporate. Add a little more. Gently and slowly.

I edited Lisa's a tiny bit, and it was the end of something
a bit longer here, at Radical Unschooling Info
photo by Sandra Dodd