Tuesday, September 30, 2025

Quiet enough to hear

Sarah Thompson wrote:

They don't need my direction much of the time, but they need me to pay attention to what is happening *in case* I'm needed. I need to be quiet so I'm not filling up their world with my noise, and so that *I* can hear as well.
—Sarah Thompson

SandraDodd.com/quiet
photo by Susan Gaissert
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Monday, September 29, 2025

Small steps

Good bits lifted from a 2015 post:

Too often “do the best you can” is used to excuse letting things slide.
Think more about the children than about how you feel about thinking about them. It will help you when they feel better.

...read a little, try a little, wait a while and watch...

Don’t think you can change all at once, but if you see how much difference small steps can make, perhaps you can focus on not making anything worse, and stepping gently but steadily toward a more confident presence.
—Sandra
(original)

Small, simple steps
photo by Janine Davies
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Sunday, September 28, 2025

Look directly; join in

Karen James wrote:

When you look at your children, see *them*, not the ideas of peace, joy, success or failure. Notice what your children are engaged in. Join them when you can. If one of your children is cutting paper, quietly join in, even if only for a moment. When another child is playing Lego on the floor, get down there and put a few pieces together with her. One girl is drawing, do some doodles. One girl is playing Minecraft, notice what she's building. Ask her about it (if your question doesn't interrupt her). As you join your children you will begin to get a sense for what they enjoy. Build on what you learn about them.
Karen listed two links, in the post quoted above:
SandraDodd.com/breathing
and
SandraDodd.com/badmoment
photo by Cátia Maciel

Saturday, September 27, 2025

Optimistic reality

Sometimes people say, "Anyone can unschool." And I always cringe when they do that, because the same kind of people who write or say things like that in public tend not to be the people who are going to stick around and walk people through it, and help other people do it. It just sounds good, it’s cheery, it’s inclusive, and it's wrong.

SandraDodd.com/whocanunschool
Who Can Unschool?
(short sound file, and transcript)

photo by DenaireNixon

Friday, September 26, 2025

Calm and calming

Sandra Dodd:
If there is more resentment and negativity than there is love and sweetness, that family is not succeeding at unschooling, in my opinion. It's not about "always" or "never." It's about preponderance.
Laura Zurro:
Sandra, can you explain what you mean by calm?
Sandra Dodd:
Calm is calm. Not frantic, not excited, not frightened or frightening. Calm, like water that is neither frozen nor choppy.

Calm is possessing the ability to think, to consider a situation without panic.

Calm is not perpetually on the edge of flipping out.
Alex Polikowsky:
Laura, I think it is when parents can remain calm under stress. I had to work on that sometimes. My oldest used to have huge tantrums and I would lose my calm. When I learned to remain calm I was much more helpful to him.

quote from Who Can Unschool?

More calming ideas
photo by Cathy Koetsier

Thursday, September 25, 2025

Q&A—Agenda

Question:
Are we teaching anything or learning side by side or allowing them to self express?
Sandra:
Those aren't your only choices. They're learning, we're learning, we're all expressing ourselves, and when life is very rich and lush, learning grows like crazy.
Question:
Can you go into detail about the idea of making things available and having an agenda?
Sandra:
Is "making things available" a reference to dance and karate classes and social opportunities, or to toys and music and books and cash and games? We've tried to give our kids lots of access to people and places and things. The agenda was that they would learn and be happy.

SandraDodd.com/panel
photo by Cátia Maciel

Wednesday, September 24, 2025

Let them live THEIR childhoods

Someone (who was against video games) wrote:
Being exposed to new stuff is what will generate new interests.
I responded:
If they're being "exposed" to new stuff just to generate new interests, though, they could easily decide to resist and avoid the new stuff, long for video games, and not trust or desire time with mom.

Wanting kids to do what mom envisioned her own ideal childhood to be is a trap to be avoided. Don't try to get them to live YOUR missed childhood. Let them live theirs, or they will miss both.

How important is your child?
photo by Alex Polikowski, of a computer her son built, with her help, when he was younger. That son is grown and an engineering student now.
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