Instead of schoolish ideas...

Rebeccas Justus, when she was new to unschooling, created an inspired and inspiring list of the differences between schoolishness and unschooling. There are two dozen sets. Here are a few to make your day lighter:

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instead of "Instill knowledge" :

Trust that learning is natural; trust that children are interested in life

instead of "Follow a schedule" :

Flow with the moment, with the inspiration

instead of "Memorize facts" :

Understand stories

SandraDodd.com/unschool/difference
photo by Jo Isaac

Thoughtfully and respectfully

Cara Potter wrote:

Having the concepts of authenticity and freedom foremost in your mind doesn't help unschooling - they're freighted with political meaning - actually, all sorts of meanings -that have little to do with unschooling. Better to instead think of helping your child make choices - choices that take others into consideration, (which is respect).

What we as unschoolers are doing is helping our children learn to make choices so that they can live and thrive in the world. You can do that without getting tied up in knots about authenticity and freedom.

There'a an Annie Dillard quotes that always makes me think of this process - "How we live our days is how we live our lives."

If you live your days being kind to your family and helping your child make choices that take other's feelings and expectations into consideration you'll be helping him learn how to have live thoughtfully and respectfully in the world.

—Cara Potter

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Colleen Prieto

What could be better?

Being the sort of parent you wish you had had, and providing an environment you would like to have had as a child, is probably the easiest and most direct way to move toward being a good unschooler.

Becoming the Parent You Want to Be
photo by Karen James

Part of life? Fact.

Lyle Perry, as part a description of unschooling:

Facts are all around us, all the time. The difference between school and unschooling is that the facts are not always stated as facts, they are simply a part of life. The facts are not simply "known", they are felt and lived in. I think most unschoolers know as many, or more, facts as schooled kids, they just don't know them AS facts. They know them as part of life.

—Lyle Perry

unschooling.info archive, bottom
photo by Rosie Moon

Replacing a canvas

Dawn, in Nova Scotia, wrote:

Ok, I think I'll share my newly-thought-of philosophy of housework here. It started when my sister was over and chasing the kids around. I was straightening up the livingroom and had just finished piling up blocks (big cardboard ones; we have, in all, ten or eleven different kinds of wood, plastic and cardboard blocks. I feel so wealthy. 🙂) when my son (2) ran into the room, saw the blocks and immediately tore down the pile. I smiled and shook my head. My sister, who'd arrived in time to see this, sternly said, "Harry! Your mother just finished putting those away!" When she said that I felt offended. Didn't she know I only pile those blocks so that Harry can knock them down? And there was the Aha! I looked around the room at the clean living room and realized that was why I did any cleaning.

We don't clean up messes to have a clean house. We clean up messes so there is room for more mess!

Now I think of cleaning up after my kids as replacing a canvas. I do it with the thought that by giving them room again and a bare floor and organized toys to pick from, I'm handing them the tools to write another mess onto our house. It's meant that at the end of a day, or sometimes a few days in a row, I just let the mess stay, because really, it's a work of art or a story. Maybe it isn't finished. Maybe it's too interesting to be gotten rid of so soon. It also clears up my feelings of resentment about doing the bulk of it. I like being the one to reset the house so that we all can live another, different mess the next day.

Anyway, thought I'd share since it's really helped me bring more joy into the housework!

—Dawn (in NS)

SandraDodd.com/chores/intro
photo by Sarah S.

Passing a passion on

When we stop looking at our kids and what they do through schooly glasses, we're no longer concerned about how long they've been interested in something, or how much time they've spent doing something but rather we're in there with them, their passion leaking onto us and giving us a bit of that passion too. It just becomes life and living, not some thing they're doing because it's good for them or because they'll need it when they're an adult or whatever other reason school says kids should do things.

—Kim H.

SandraDodd.com/obsessions/course
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Children see it

A mom named Nancy, in western Canada, wrote:

Again and again my kids can catch me when I am falling, and help me see the wonder of the small things.I feel so blessed to have this time with them.

—Nancy in BC

SandraDodd.com/wonder
photo by Nicole Ní Néill.

What you have

The difference between poverty and abundance is sometimes the ability to see what one has. There have been times when I didn't have a car, we had a leaky roof, and the washing machine wasn't working. There have been more times that the car and washing machine were functioning, the house was solid, and I forgot to appreciate it.

SandraDodd.com/gratitude
photo by Cátia Maciel

Quirky learning

I'm completely sure of unschooling because I believe in people's desire and ability to learn wonderful things in quirky ways if they're given the opportunity.

SandraDodd.com/interview
photo by Phoebe Wyllyamz
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Snowbanks and socks

Colleen Prieto wrote:

I was thinking the other day about husbands and chores and how many people I've heard say that it shouldn't be their job to pick up after their husband. I never thought of picking up my husband's things as being my cleaning up after him - I've only thought of it as cleaning our house. Does it matter whose laundry or dishes they are? Does he shovel only his own side of the driveway and leave me to climb snowbanks to get to my side of the car? Dividing things yours-and-mine, even socks, in one's internal thoughts doesn't seem to add much happiness.

—Colleen Prieto

quote from Chores, Serving others as a gift, tales of kids helping out voluntarily
but another good link would be
Why 50/50 is a problem
photo by SandraDodd
of Ester Siroky's kitchen, one day

One special place

Near you there are many many plain and simple things that you might overlook for being commonplace, everyday, throwaway background sights, sounds, smells, tastes or textures.

What are walls and fences made of where you are? Some other places, it is very different. How does the air feel and smell when it's cold? What's the first plant that might volunteer to grow in a bare spot? What little animals might you see, and what birds do you hear? What do people throw away that a tourist might pick up and keep? What food is readily available, that everyone knows how to make, and has the ingredients for on hand nearly always?

When you look as far to the east as you can see, what is the view? Turn around and look the other way, too.

Where you are is exotic to most of the rest of the world. Most other people will never see it. Knowing that your plainness is someone else's curiosity can make your life richer.

Sometimes, when you look, listen, taste, feel, smell, close your eyes and rest, remember that you are in one special place.

Creating Abundance, by Deb Lewis

or Your House as a Museum

photo by Oshan in Sri Lanka
(click it for a slightly wider view)

Gradually, but hurry

Gradually move toward doing it right now. Halfway between "very gradual" and "do it right now" is the place to be, while you're learning about unschooling.

Stalling and hesitation take time away from your future unschooling peace and success!

SandraDodd.com/doit
photo by Diane Marcengill

Simple needs

Joyce Fetteroll, in helping others untangle ideas and prejudices about what children think they "need":

If someone needs three glasses of water a day and only gets two, they'll spend the rest of the day trying to get that third glass. So it will seem to others like this person's constantly thirsty and can never get enough. But if he gets three glasses and can have as many as he wants, he won't seem thirsty at all.

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/needs
photo by Karen James

More and more moments

If something is good for a moment, it doesn't take a bunch of planning, and it doesn't need to be reported or documented. It can just be a good moment.

And when people get more and more practice doing what it takes to create or accept or recognize those moments, they can have more and more of them.

Moments and Mindfulness
photo by Sandra Dodd,
candid moment of Much Green

Being nicer

The further I got from cynicism and pessimism, the more they jumped out at me when I heard them.

It's easy to be mean.
It's harder to be nice.

Moments and Mindfulness
photo by Keith Dodd

Oh, wait!

Same boring, stupid, same-old...

Oh, wait! A Quonset hut, back there, with a side building. Look at the tumbleweed. That attachment looks very cool, whatever it does.

Curiosity
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Thoughts about stability

There are some bugs that are born in my yard and might live there their whole lives. Or they might move to the neighbors'. When we buy firewood, we usually import some bark beetles, unintentionally.

The birds we feed in front don't stay all year. Because there are lizards, a roadrunner visits sometimes.

There are worms in the compost bins. Some are descendants of worms I bought, from Florida, by mail, but other bigger ones voluntarily come up from the New-Mexico ground into the compost each summer.

For many years, there were three kids growing up here. Many of their friends visited, and ate, and slept. Now they're all off in other houses.

Is there no stability in the world?

I try to be a stable, solid factor, but I'm changing, too. Keith, that father of my children, that friend of so many years, is still here. I will be kind to him while he is, while I can.

Understanding Unschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd

Three or four of them

Whatever you do, make it fun, interesting, comforting, memorable, unusual, familiar, nourishing, productive, or restful. If it can be three or four of those things at the same time, good job!

Precisely How to Unschool
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp (or maybe a Graham-Dusseldorp selfie)

Live as a learner

Set the example of living as a learner.

Parents Change
photo by Karen James, of her work in progress

As-much-of-yourself-as-you-can

Karen James wrote:

If parents wonder whether they should be more generous with their children, I would say yes. The more the better. Not in a give-them-everything-they-want kind of way. More in a give-them-as-much-of-yourself-as-you-can kind of way. Be open. Be generous. Be understanding. Be trusting and trustworthy. Be present. Be loving. Be compassionate. Be patient. Be helpful. Be kind.

You will be amazed at what you see.

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/happy
photo by Kinsey Norris
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