Bridges and reflections

When I look at a bridge, I think of travel, of engineering, of safety, and of history. Even new bridges change history as soon as they can be used.

In this photo, the arches are reflecting and making a round shape. That's always fun. There is also roundness in the tree to the right, and in its reflection in the water. The bank of the river has a rounded edge, and is covered with rounded pebbles.

Others, seeing that, might be thinking of what birds live around there, or other wildlife. If it's someone familiar with the area, they will know where the road goes, maybe who owns the land, and who used to own it before that.

Kids, seeing it, might wonder first "Could we get IN that water?" Wild swimmers (people who like to swim in naturally occurring waters) probably had that thought before any other.

Any scene is many things. The knowledge and perspective of each viewer is different. People spot different things and make their own connections.

SandraDodd.com/connections
photo by Ester Siroky

Stunning desire to learn

"A lovely 'extra' has been realising that academics absolutely come naturally, in different ways for different kids. It's really stunned me, how much they *want* to learn. And it's something I wouldn't have believed without walking the unschooling path."

—Hannah Megan Canavan

more here SandraDodd.com/surprise (and sweet)
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Watch and play

Karen James wrote:

Play. A lot. Wonder. A lot. Listen. Observe. Smile. A lot. .... If they like shows, watch shows. If they like video games, play video games with them. If they like water, make ice, take them to a splash pad, to a creek, to a lake, to the ocean, to the tub, draw on the sidewalk with a wet finger and watch it disappear.

—Karen James

More, and sweet: SandraDodd.com/karenjames/deschooling
photo by Cátia Maciel

Who children are right now

Meredith Novak's words:

It was hard for me to realize I wasn't being kind or generous to my kids - I think of myself as a pretty kind person, in general, and I was certainly doing things I *thought* were generous... Part of the problem I had was that I wasn't thinking about Ray's interests and desires in the moment, I was thinking about the person he might become. I was being kind and generous to the adult I hoped he would grow into, doing things that were "good for him" so he could become that adult. Setting up life lessons for kids ignores who kids are as people in favor of theoretical adults - which isn't kind to who children are right now.

—Meredith Novak

SandraDodd.com/beginning
photo by Karen James

Learning without clocks

School schedules give the illusion that life should be divided into 50-minute increments. It's nonsense.

Our culture has this "hour" and "half hour" thing that is as unnatural and arbitrary as can be. It has to do with clocks, not with people. It has to do with salaries and billing.

Be wary of scheduling and measuring, while deschooling.

SandraDodd.com/deschooling/
photo by Kinsey Norris

Happier and wiser

If you start looking at choices instead of "have to's" you will be happier IMMEDIATELY. And wiser.

SandraDodd.com/haveto
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Absent witnesses

In a discussion about mothers of young children imagining their actions are being witnessed, I wrote:

I did that early on with my favorite La Leche League leaders. I invited them early, into my super-ego, to talk to me when they weren't there. 🙂 Trying to keep their voices in my head made me remember that I wouldn't want to do things that would keep them from feeling good about my progress and their assistance.

I think it's the purpose of saints (imagery in the house or worn on the body) or amulets or other religious or superstitious objects. I mean I think it's natural and ancient, among people, to have absent witnesses. The feeling that ancestors can see what we're doing is common in some cultures (and, honestly, ours—it came up at my house on Tuesday at a memorial for a dead friend, even though most there were atheists; it can be soothing, and inspiring).

SandraDodd.com/witness
photo by Jihong Tang

Two for one

I like photos with reflections. Sometimes they're clear and sometimes they're interestingly changed. Always, though, you see the two things.

Connections and contrasts are the way brains sort. What is the same, and what is different?

Covers of songs; different paintings of the same object or building or person; woodworking projects made from the same pattern by different carpenters with different types of wood... Examining pairs is like playing a game of "spot the difference." Each difference might have a natural explanation, or was a conscious decision on the part of an artist.

What a rich life you and your children might have in those moments that seeing, playing and learning are the same valuable substance.

Two things, two words
photo by Dan Vilter

Rules and touchstones

People like rules and touchstones and proofs and flags to wave. I think 'the rule' should be 'think,' and the touchstone should be a child's head, touched gently.

SandraDodd.com/guarantees
photo by Sarah S.

Peace and comfort

The imagery and analogy of "path" and "bridge" are helpful, in looking at parenting, and at the way time passes as life continues. We are "on a journey" with our children, even if we're staying in the same house, in the same town.

Deciding which way to go, which path to take, is a good way to look at the many little choices parents make all the time, about how to respond, what tone to use, remembering to have a soft face and a smile, so the child can be calm and feel loved.

Sometimes a path might seem scary, but if you're there with your child, you can provide peace and comfort.


SandraDodd.com/peace
photo by Jihong Tang

Too busy or too quiet?

No human in all the history of the world has, or could have guessed right every time, about what to say, how much to say, how quickly, in what tone.

Most humans can get a bit better at it, as time goes on.

Gaze without speaking and/or explore connections
photo by Gail Higgins

Touching, playing, learning

Toddlers touch things. That's learning. New experiences and opportunities help them to learn. They're learning while they're holding new things, playing with water, or rocks, or feeling the air on their wet hands, and the mud on their feet

When they feel the touch of parental encouragement and approval, they learn from that, too.

Toddlers in other posts
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Stand strong, gently

Laurie Wolfrum wrote:

Whatever you decide to say, be kind to them. Don’t criticize, belittle or shame them for making different decisions or living differently than you do. Give them the respect that you wish they’d give to you.

Something that might help in any case is to explain that –

• Periodically we evaluate how things are going.
• Nothing is written in stone.
• For now, this works for us.
• We’ll see how things go.

—Laurie Wolfrum
from a presentation on politely withstanding and deflecting criticism

SandraDodd.com/beandip
photo by Sandra Dodd

Knowledge, concepts, humor

If you just play all the time, how will you know the kids are learning? I knew my boys had learned all the swimming safety rules when they rhythmically took turns reciting them exactly wrong: Never swim with a buddy, always swim alone; Always swim in a storm; Always run by the pool...

There was no reason for me to say, "That's wrong." I would have spoiled their fun if I had. I didn't say a word. I knew enough already, because I had this information:

1. they knew all the rules
2. they understood the concept of opposites
   
3. they had a sense of humor and weren't afraid to use it.

SandraDodd.com/playing
Photo by Sandra Dodd, not my local pool,
but one in Surrey, in 2012.
I hope it's still there!

Healing and therapeutic

Becoming a calmer and better parent can help a person be a calmer, better person. Unschooling itself can be extremely healing and therapeutic at times.

SandraDodd.com/calm
photo by Laurie Wolfrum

Following the herd?

Sometimes people follow a group, they "follow the herd."

Can't that be a legitimate decision to make?

It's good to know where they're going, and why, and what the alternatives might be.

Finding choices and options for yourself and your children is good when it's possible.


Making the Better Choice: SandraDodd.com/betterchoice
photo by Ester Siroky

Safe, busy and happy

Be with your kids and make sure their lives are safe and busy and happy.

SandraDodd.com/youngchildren
photo by Cátia Maciel

Parenting reflects back

It's a gift to have children to help us have an excuse to have a sort of do-over on behalf of our moms.

For me, it seems like a gift to me and my mom both, if I can do better than she did. She would have liked to have done better, too, so I can do it for her.

I get some healing benefit either way.

SandraDodd.com/healing
photo by Ester Siroky

Patient and loving

Radical unschooling works the same way for every child. Pay attention to what he's interested in. Don't force things. Find interesting items and situations, be patient and loving, and learning will happen. The more it happens, the more it will continue to happen.

Learning will happen
photo by Karen James

Points for your team

Points can be gained for your partnership, by what you do today, and the way you do it, and the thoughts you have while your child is so near. Contribute to the bank of good memories. Be present, and good.

SandraDodd.com/better
photo by Roya Dedeaux