No substitute

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

There is no substitute for being authentically "there" for them—for genuinely trying to help them resolve problems. For putting your relationship with them at the forefront of every interaction, whether it is playing together or working together.

None of us are perfect—we'll all have some regrets. But with my kids 19, 16, and 13, I can now say that I will never say anything like, "I wish I'd let them fight it out more," or "I wish I'd punished them more," or "I wish I'd yelled at them more." I will only ever say that I wish I'd been more patient, more attentive, more calm and accepting of the normal stresses of having young children.

One interaction at a time. Just make the next interaction a relationship-building one. Don't worry about the one AFTER that, until IT becomes "the next one."

—Pam Sorooshian

Becoming the Parent You Want to Be
photo by Roya Dedeaux
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Pam's offspring are all in their 30s now, and being kind to Pam's grandchildren.

Being WITH; being aware

This is about BEING with your child. Being WITH your child. Being with YOUR child. If I emphasize all the words at once, the emphasis goes away again. Very much, though, it's about how the parent is being, and that the being should match the child's being, for a moment.

BE with your child's being.

Emotional Perspective
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp
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Words and history in charity shops

Digital cameras have been very good for me. I've always been a collector, a saver. "A pack rat," said my Mamaw.

Modern cameras have allowed me to collect without weight or bulk, without shipping costs. But digital photos can be fragile, hard to find, and easy to lose.

In 2013, I went to a shop selling used things, in Scotland, and I saw this tie. It says "Trusty and Leal." I didn't know the word "leal," so I took a photo. Looking at it later, I wish I had bought the India-print looking black and yellow cloth behind it, but I didn't.

click for a close-up

In 2021, when I had some time to look at the photos in a more leisurely way, I found that "leal" means loyal and true. The word is archaic (out of style and use) and Scottish.

So in Selkirk, or somewhere around there, maybe, is (or used to be) a school with the motto "Trusty and Leal." That dates the school to the very early 20th century, or earlier, probably.

I love this stuff. Connect what you know to what you can find, and you will have more and more hooks on which future thoughts can hang.

"Leal"
photo by Sandra Dodd

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FOUND IT just before this post was to launch. I had failed to discover it while I was writing the post last week.

The tie and its motto are associated with Selkirk High School, founded in 1897. Two guesses right. What I didn't know is that "trusty and leal" comes from a song. This link should take you right to that part of the song. Up wi the Souters O Selkirk

Another recording: Ross Kennedy. Seeing there that Robert Burns wrote it, one more search got me the poem, from 1796.

A little more interesting

Instead of feeling like you need to struggle, just stop and look at your son and think, "Right now what can I do to make his life a little more interesting?"

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/struggle
photo by Belinda Dutch
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Windows, and grown children

The pandemic made me appreciate the views from windows. I loved seeing so many exotic window views shared on facebook.

My youngest has her own house now. For a few months, she had a housemate, who is pregnant. The baby's father died, during the pregnancy. Holly had known the friend years ago, and invited her in to rest and recover.

A few days ago, Holly let me know she had been 200 miles away, overnight, helping the roommate move to another town to be with her mom, in a new place. This view is from that new window.

I brought that story to let you know that someday those little children at your house will grow up, and you might find them being compassionate and generous in ways you will only learn about after the fact. They will see beauty, out windows in other places, and might send you a photo.

SandraDodd.com/generosity
photo by Holly Dodd

Symbolism

An angel, holding an image of dice, in a church in Wales, in reference to a story about Roman soldiers near Jerusalem, long before that.

Light from the same sun.

Connections!

SandraDodd.com/connections
photo by Sandra Dodd, St. Teilo’s church at St. Fagans Museum

Memory

I took this photo in 2014, on a beach on the east coast of Australia. A man walking his dog told me what caused those tiny sandballs that were here and there. I remembered, for a while, but I don't know now.

It was an interesting mystery at first, and now it is again! I would love to blame over-activity or aging for this, but it's just the way I am. My oldest said once that it must be great for me to be able to see movies again and still be surprised by the ending.

Some things I remember well, and some I don't. Some recipes I look up every time. Some spellings I double check. Names and faces elude me the first several times; it takes a while.

Be patient with yourself and others, about details. Discovering something the second time can be fun, too. Some people are aging, and over-active. Stress never helps. Be kind. Repeat yourself with a smile.

SandraDodd.com/memories
photo by Sandra Dodd
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