Old and new

New things are added to old things. Antiques are repaired. New children meet old people. Forgotten toys are re-discovered.

Change is part of growth, of life, of past and of future.

SandraDodd.com/change
photo by Sandra Dodd

Change the World

"When I stopped seeing my daughter as adversarial it changed the world for us."

—Joanna Murphy

SandraDodd.com/change.html
photo by Marty Dodd
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Choosing and power

Deb Lewis wrote:

Once you’re really listening to your kids and not your sense of injustice, you’ll find that answering them and interacting with them is intellectually rewarding and stimulating and fun. It’s not something you *have* to do. It’s something you *get* to do for a very little while. You can’t change this need your kids have right now. You can only change how you see it, how you think about it and meet it. And that’s good because that’s entirely in your power to do.

—Deb Lewis

Deb was writing in a discussion,
but it was a good lead-in to this page:
SandraDodd.com/gettingit
photo by Sandra Dodd, of a railyard we visited
because my son Marty wanted to go there
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More, and much more

Unschooling is more than just the absence of school. As we change, our perceptions change, and the perceptions of others toward us changes.


How Unschooling Changes People
photo by Sandra Dodd

Flexibility and change

"Be prepared to be flexible and willing to change as your child gets older." —Emily Strength

SandraDodd.com/sleeping
photo by Janine

Color and light

Physically, visually, emotionally, metaphorically, and in the sound and feel of the words we use, our days are prismatic, moving collections of brightness and shadow, of sharpness and smooth curves. We hear sweet, soft music sometimes, and loud, rough, noisy sorts before long.

When a baby needs to be entertained, you might clap, or dance, or make funny mouth noises. If a child is sleepy, don't do those things. Rock, and hum and touch softly, through cloth maybe.

All these contrasts and changes can be appreciated, and picked through to choose the best for the purpose, the most useful for the moment. Keep the sharp, dangerous things in safe places, and remember that the light and mood will change on their own, in various ways.



SandraDodd.com/change
photo by Holly Dodd

Keep your balance.

Things change. Even in the best of peaceful circumstances, things change. Keep your balance, find gratitude and abundance, and accept changes gracefully when you can.

Impermanence
photo by Lisa J Haugen
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Gradual Change

Leah Rose wrote:

The leaps I've tried to take always seem to leave me feeling shaky and uncertain that I'm on the right track. When I inch forward in baby steps the ground feels solid and I know I'm heading in the right direction. I know it's working when I'm at peace. That's the marker I look for.

—Leah Rose

Gradual Change
photo by Eileen Mahowald

A hundred times instead of once

Many people do have experience "removing restrictions," but please help us help others by NOT recommending doing that, ever. Sudden change confuses kids, they don't trust it, they assume it's temporary, and so their behavior reflects that. And it robs parents of the growth from gradually allowing more and more, as the parents learn more and more.

You could have said "okay" and "sure" hundreds of times instead of "whatever you want" one time, and the gradual change would have been a joy.
"Too Far, Too Fast": SandraDodd.com/problems/toofar
(I changed the original slightly, because it used to have "joy" twice.
I'm not against joy, but it broke the flow.)
photo by Janine Davies
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Learning is like a doorway

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

Learning is defined not just as sucking in information about something the child is interested in. Learning is also figuring out the big picture and how things connect. Figuring out how stuff works, figuring out how people work, making connections, seeing patterns. This is a mechanical, biological process. It's how humans—all learning animals really—naturally learn, how kids are born learning.

Natural learning is like a doorway. We can't change the doorway but we can change the outside world so kids can more easily reach what intrigues them.

SandraDodd.com/joycefetteroll
photo by Sandra Dodd, in Pérouges, France

Different and better

The change you need is to live a different way. Step out of the grumpy dark into the calm decision-making choose-joy light.
. . . .

Leave the old habit to wither. Don't try to break it. Move to making better choices so that what you used to do and used to think will be left in the "choices I don't consider anymore" category.

SandraDodd.com/change/
photo by Ester Siroky

The next interaction

Pam Sorooshian, on becoming the parent you want to be:

Stop thinking about changing "for good and not just for days or moments." That is just another thing to overwhelm you and you don't need that!

Just change the next interaction you have with the kids.

Stop reading email right now and do something "preventative"—'something that helps build your relationship with them.

Fix them a little tray of cheese and crackers and take it to them, wherever they are, unasked. Sit down on the floor and play with them. If nothing else, just go and give each of them a little hug and a kiss and say, "I was just thinking about how much I love you."

Okay—so that is one good, positive interaction.

Again—just change the next interaction you have with the kids. Focus on making the next interaction another one that builds up your relationship.

—Pam Sorooshian

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I appreciate that Pam Sorooshian has let me collect her writing and quote her for many years. There are others who have been similarly wise and generous. It is a gift I enjoy every time I come across their words. —Sandra

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Becoming the Parent you Want to Be
photo by Elaine Santana

Seasons, in and out

Seasons change, and yet it's the same old seasons, in the same old order.

People can change, but they're still people, who get excited about snow, and then frustrated with the same snow, and then tired of snow.

Snow is natural, and it's beautiful. It is natural for people to have short attention spans, to want to make things better, to see what could be, should be, might be, and to think about that instead of what *is*, in that moment. Accept that human nature, like snow, can be welcome, beautiful, irritating, and sometimes dangerous.

Be careful walking, and driving, and help others be safe.

SandraDodd.com/control
photo by Amy Milstein

Change in ourselves

"Unschooling is *much* harder than school at home because it takes a great deal of self examination and change in ourselves to help our kids and not get in their way!"

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/quotes
photo by Megan Valnes
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Change the world

If by "change the world" a person means "make the world better," then step #1 must be to decide right then not to make the world worse.

Accidents sometimes make the world worse, and carelessness, and flukes of weather and acts of God. But if a personal decision makes the world worse, then what?

There are different levels of "oops"—didn't know, didn't think, forgot, didn't care, was pisssed off or drunk, was furious and wanted to do damage... What can be undone? What can be atoned for?

The world starts to get better when people stop making it worse, and a person's life starts to get better when he consciously decides to do what is better instead of what is worse in any given moment.

Philosophy, or That's what it's all about!
photo by Sandra Dodd

Change in ourselves

"Unschooling is *much* harder than school at home because it takes a great deal of self examination and change in ourselves to help our kids and not get in their way!"

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/quotes
photo by Megan Valnes
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Access to information

Little by little, years ago, I started to see that each little idea that had changed my own family had the potential, if I could explain it clearly enough, to change another family. Just a little was enough. As more and more families shared their successes and joys, the world changed. As more information was gathered and put where others could find it, the rate of change increased.

When I was first unschooling, we waited two months for a new issues of Growing Without Schooling. There was no internet discussion at all. When that began, a few years later, it was user groups, not even e- mail or webpages yet. Today someone can get more information about unschooling in one day than existed in the whole world when my oldest was five. I'm glad to have been part of honing, polishing, clarifying and gathering those ideas, stories and examples, and keeping them where others have quick access to them.

Interview with Sandra Dodd, Natural Parenting, 2010 (Section #5)
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Your perspective will change

"Your perspective will change when you've experienced new things, seen the world from a different place."

—Debbie Regan

SandraDodd.com/readalittle
photo by Cheryl Balazs

Things change; they learn

"Things change. Our kids get older. They outgrow stages we think they never will. They learn all they need to know, in their own time."

—Heather Booth

Overcoming Anxiety
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Wouldn't change a moment

"A good chunk of our days are filled with gaming, and I wouldn't change a moment of it. My son is learning so much, is healthy both physically and emotionally, and truly loves his life. What more could I hope for?!"

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/videogames
art by Jalen Owens
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